Already Home // Harry Styles

Small Talk

18th June 2022, London

I was awoken after a restless nights sleep at 9.20am. I had gotten home late last night after a few hours drive of Harry practically begging me to come stay at his house. He wasn't saying the words but I could tell that he thought my relationship was over. Was it over and I was delusional? I thought we could get through this and be back to what we were. Part of me is still hoping that but was it too far gone? I needed to live with the hope so I was adamant I was going to my own place.

Charlie was on night shifts. He's a doctor you see. Not a consultant yet but he was 6 years into training with only 1 year left until he got that title. It had been tough of course. Trainee doctors work long hours and such random shifts but it had never been a problem before. We always prioritised spending time together. Before at least. Everything now is before. Do you know how difficult that is? I hope you don't. It's like your entire life is split into before and after and no matter how hard you try, it can never reconcile. I know things can never be as they was, but is it too much to just hope to get back to being happy? You have to have hope. Otherwise what is there worth living for.

He came into the bedroom with a beer bottle in hand, stethoscope still slung around his neck. I know, beer at 9.20am seems really weird. But with nightshifts, especially hospital nightshifts, your entire body clock shifts. It was 9.20pm to him. It's always been this way. He completely flips for that week he's on nights. If you've ever done night shifts, you'll get it. You survive off sleep deprivation and caffeine and pure junk food. You feel like you are loosing the plot half the time. I don't miss nightshifts at all. They destroyed me.

Charlie and I met on a nightshift over 5 years ago now. He was the junior doctor in the operating theatres and I worked as a scrub practitioner back then. I left after the pandemic. After a year being redeployed to ITU, I was burnt out and needed a change. I got a job as an assistant at a PR company and since then, I've worked a lovely 9-5 and its changed my lifestyle completely. There's time for friendships and the gym and shopping and holidays now. I would never have been able to see Harry as much as I am if I was still working at the hospital.

Dr Charlie Preston had caught my eye early on. He was 6 foot 5, strong arms, the most beautiful blue eyes I had ever seen, this gorgeous head of floppy hair and I swear at first sight I was swooning. He made me laugh straight away. A compatible sense of humour was extremely important to me. He asked me out for breakfast on our last night shift and we never stopped spending time together. We kissed before we had even left the hospital grounds and I felt like fireworks where exploding from inside of me. We made it official a couple of weeks later and I was convinced I had found my forever person.

Anyway, I'm getting off track. He came home and I woke up as soon as I heard the front door close. We lived in a small apartment and the walls were so thin you could hear the tap drip from the kitchen when you were lying in bed.

As Charlie walked into the bedroom, he stopped dead in his tracks.

"Oh, I didn't think you would be home" was all he said as he turned his back to me and emptied his pockets onto the dresser. Dread flooded my body. Lovely welcome home that isn't it? My trip was great thanks, Missed you too my love.

"Well, I'm sorry to disappoint" I swiped back.

"I didn't mean it like that, I just....oh I don't know anymore" he chugged more of the beer. At least I knew he wasn't bringing another woman home when he thought I wasn't there. Small things.

"How was work?" I asked, trying to keep my voice light. Just act normal and surely things can be normal right? Just keep up the small talk until we can talk about the big things. At least we were talking at all.