Already Home // Harry Styles

Into The Unknown

29th January, LA

For almost a month we carried on like that.
We were our normal selves, good friends that bantered and picked on each other playfully. We hung out with friends, family. Nothing changed there. For those few weeks, everything was great. We got to spend time together like any other friends across the world. It just so happened that we were good friends that also slept with each other every day, multiple times a day even.
The only rule we had set out with each other at the beginning was that the friendship came first. If the sex started to threaten that, we would stop immediately. Oh, I also insisted on condoms at all times. I still didn't know where he had been or would continue to be.

Right after New Years we went to spend a long weekend in the Lake District before I had to return to work. It was glorious.
We went hiking, kayaking, swimming, cycling. But the most magical part? The stargazing. If you've never been and laid on the ground at night in Ennerdale, you don't know what you're missing.
It's so dark, so remote that it feels like every star in the whole sky is visible.

The meadow we entered was beautiful. An audible gasp escaped my mouth as we came out of the shield of trees and into the wide clearing. The meadow was wide, circular, lined with willow trees. Their leaves heavy and sagging. Despite the darkness, I knew this place would be beautiful. I closed my eyes and imagined it in summer. Littered with wildflowers, daffodils, sunflowers. Different colours all blending together, creating magic. Animals and insects would make the place come to life. It would be like something from a dream. I felt Harry's hand slide down the sleeve of my jacket before squeezing my glove covered hand.

"This place.." I spoke, turning in a circle to take in the wide expanse of sky. Different shades of blue and black fading in and out and it was littered with thousands of sparkling diamonds. Across the way, you could see the outlines of the mountains. The view took my breath away.

"This is just..." I was lost for words for the first time in a long time.

"Yeah, just beautiful" Harry replied. His body angled towards me, his eyes locked on mine. My whole body flushed with heat head to toe and I had to turn away from him. His words, I knew he wasn't talking about the wide expanse spread out before us and it made my stomach into a whirlpool.

Harry threw a blanket down onto the grass and gestured for me to sit down first. He wrapped another blanket around my shoulders before I felt his weight settle down next to me. His arm wrapped around me and I responded by letting my body lean against him, my head tucked onto his shoulder. We sat in silence, enjoying the view and the comforting company. I felt exhilarated yet relaxed. My mind wasn't facing with a million different thoughts and fears like it usually was. It was unusually calm in my noggin. I liked that he silenced my anxiety ridden brain.

The meadow was silent, nothing but the sound of the wind whistling through the trees. I tipped my head back to look at the trees we had walked through and saw how they were silhouetted by the star light and it felt other worldly. Like we were in our own little universe. I don't know what if was, but ever since our little day in Italy, star gazing had taken a new special place in my heart. It made me feel safe.

I shifted a little, moving closer to him so we were connected right from shoulder to ankle. Lowering myself down onto my back and silently bringing him down with me.

"A shooting star" Harry whispered, pointing it out with his finger. I curled my body around him, craving his warmth and silently wished upon the star. It has been an extraordinary evening and as we lay huddled together in blankets sharing this enchanting sight in front of us, I thought to myself 'we're in trouble'.