Already Home // Harry Styles

No Words

24th September, London.

We were supposed to have a year. We agreed on a year. We were having a year of boring, normal, mundane. We were supposed to have a year of cooking together and doing hobbies and enjoying watching very very long series together. I just wanted to watch the bloody office together!
He said we could have a year. We agreed on a year and renovating a house and then eventually having kids. How did this happen? I feel like I'm going insane.

For hours I stared at those papers. The schedules. He had to leave in just two weeks. Ready to start table reads and costume fittings and other things I didn't quite understand. Leaving in two weeks for over a year and hadn't once mentioned it. Not even in passing. Not even a guess. This was just so out of the blue I felt like I was dreaming. My whole world had been tipped the wrong way in a course of an afternoon. I couldn't comprehend it. Couldn't even feel. I just was numb as I sat there reading the same words over and over.

Harry came home early evening, entering the house clutching a bag from the local store which I could see was holding a still cold bottle of champagne. The condensation dripping through the flimsy plastic.

"Oh my god. What a day!" He cried out excitedly as I met him the hallway. "Hi" he grinned as he came close enough to lean down and kiss me quick on the lips.

"Hi" I replied weakly, leading the way into the kitchen. I'd left the script laid across the kitchen island after reading through what I could. I'm not sure if I should have really. I mean it wasn't addressed to me but I couldn't help myself.

"Tom let the cat out of the bag huh?" He said, moving straight to the cupboards to pick out some champagne flutes. I think our minds where in very different places in this moment. I was happy for him obviously, it was a big deal. But for us as a couple? It was a disaster. I spent hours trying to think of different scenarios where this could work. Where I could hold on to him. But I came up empty.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked quietly, sitting myself on one of the stools and watching him.

"Honestly, I never realised they were this close to making a decision. I thought it was ages away. It usually is that way you know? I was going to tell you when thing became more clear. Guess I missed my shot" he replied, popping open the bottle and pouring out two glasses. He sat down next to me and handed me one. I could still hear the fizz.

"Congratulations H. It sounds like its going to be amazing" I said, lifting my glass and clinking it to his. I smiled to him as much I could but I couldn't muster anything big.

"You read it?' He asked, taking a sip and pulling the script towards him. His eyes scanning over the front page. His eyes lighting up as he saw his name there. He was so excited.

"I scanned it" I said, taking a sip of my own glass. The cold liquid seemed to burn at my throat. Like there was a big shard of glass there it was struggling to get past.

"The cast is so great. And the director! Oh my god Ads, you are going to love him. He has such an incredible vision for this movie" He started babbling on so excitedly, his face animated. He placed his glass down and stood from his stool, shedding his outer layers and moving to the sitting room. His voice was so laced with happiness I almost felt guilty for feeling so hurt and confused by this whole shift in our future plans.

"I'm sure he is fantastic" I said quietly, grabbing the glasses, following him and folding myself in the corner of the sofa. "Harry why didn't you tell me you were thinking about this? What about taking a year off?"

"I should have told you. I'm sorry. It just came up and I couldn't pass it by. I can take a year off afterwards. Two or three years even" He said as I placed the champagne flutes the coffee table in front of us. He tossed his bag onto the arm chair before sitting next to me. "Toms got people looking for a house out there for us. Somewhere with lots of land and close to the water. Somewhere there's plenty off places for us to explore. It's going to be so good" He said, placing his hand on my knee and squeezing it a little too tightly.