From Barcelona To...

Chapter 6 - Personal Life

So as you know I was born and raised in Yorkshire, I had a strong Yorkshire accent. The Barcelona girls struggled to understand a word I said when I first joined, much to my frustration and amusement. It also caused many a laugh with the southerners of the England team. There was always banter flying around about whether northerners were more friendly than southerners, but I will leave that debate there for another time!

I always knew I was gay from when I was in my teens, I'd kissed a few boys when I was at school but that was just to hide my sexuality at the time. I 'came out' when I was 16 to my family, they were all very much supportive and said they already knew anyway. This was a big relief and I was grateful at how supportive everyone around me was, an experience which I know is not always the same for everyone, which in the world we live in now, is pretty sad. I have always been open and honest with my sexuality throughout my football career so far, I feel it is important to support the community. Whenever I got the privilege to wear the captains arm band at Barcelona (which happened on the odd occasion due to injuries) I always wore the rainbow armband and I also had the rainbow imprinted on all my football boots, alongside my initials EJ and my number #18 (The age I was when I signed my first professional contract).

There was a small downside of been so open and honest to the world though, I didn't particularly care about some comments which included 'I bet I can turn her' 'it's a shame she bats for the other side.' I ignored those. A big part of the womens football community is that we accept all people from all walks of life, whatever there sexuality or background. That is a beautiful part of the game, the women's teams are always much closer to the fans, it is much more intimate than the men's game. It does mean though that fans are quite invested in players, not just what they do on the field but also off the field.

Every woman I was ever pictured with or seen with was instantly speculated about whether we were in a relationship together or not. In the early years of my time in Barcelona, it wasn't too bad, as I was not that known and obviously not part of the England setup. Once I became part of the first team at Barcelona and joined the Lionesses camp, the intensity of the fans became huge. Most were incredible and supportive but it did mean that I was edited a lot on TikTok, you forget about the outside world when you're on the pitch playing football so seeing video edits in slow motion of me lifting my top, which exposed my body, to wipe the sweat from my face was often a video I would quickly skip by. And like I said, my relationships with other women was speculated about, a lot.

Although, I was happy to share some of my personal life on social media, my relationships was not a side of me that I shared. To be honest, I wasn't that good in a relationship, I was a bit more of a 'fling', 'friends with benefits' or even the odd 'one night stand' type of person. I was always careful with who with though, I never wanted to hurt anybody so always communicated this with any woman I was involved with and ensured it was always seen the same from both side with no expectation that it was ever going to turn into a relationship. Ok, so sometimes it got a bit messy when the other person decided to catch feelings, but I was always very quick to shut it down. Always gently, though. One thing I was not going to be was a dick head, I had morals and values, which I always stuck to no matter what the 'relationship' was labelled. I have had my fair share of sexual relationships and to be honest sometimes sex was just that, sex. There was definitely always passion involved though, I was definitely not selfish in the bedroom department and always made sure whomever I was in the bedroom with that they were satisfied. I was generally the more 'dominant' lover, which matched my personality and how I looked I suppose. I was 100% a 'tomboy' my wardrobe main staples consisted of shorts, joggers, t shirts, hoodies, caps and the odd suit for events that I needed to attend. Of course, not forgetting, my incredible and beloved collection of trainers. Although my choice of outfits seemed quite simple, I was often seen in TikTok edits from fans about my (often labelled as 'boyfriend energy') fashion sense and how good it was. Which was always funny to me, as generally you would find me in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt.

There was always one thing that was missing in my 'relationships'...love. I have never been in love before, and to be honest that was because I never let myself. As a person, I had tons of love to give, I loved my family and friends and I would do anything for anybody, nothing was ever too much trouble and if anyone needed me, I was always there. But I found it hard to let the barrier down to actually form that love with someone in a relationship, I think I always used football as an excuse, but I'm not sure that is the only reason. I'm 24 now and never been in love, I was starting to think maybe it was time I start to let someone in, open that part of my heart that I had always closed off...but I can't think about that right now....I've got a big decision to make...