From Barcelona To...

Chapter 37 - Friends...

Ellies P.O.V

"Friends" that's all I can reply to that.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Friends. Pit in my stomach as soon as she said friends. I didn't let it show though. I can't be selfish. I fucked this up and I've only got myself to blame. It was always going to happen, I was always going to mess this up. I cant believe that the first time i've allowed myself to have these feelings for someone, and I've allowed someone to have feelings for me without running a mile and I go and fuck it all up. It would be so easy to just go back to my old self. But I'm not going to do that. My old self is what has got me into this mess in the first place. I refuse to just go back to my old self. I need to try at least anyway. Friends. Fuck. How am I meant to go about that with Leah. It was easy before, before I got all these feelings for her, it was easy to be her friend but now? Fuck, how am I meant to deal with this now? I have no fucking idea what I'm supposed to do in this situation. I need to speak to Lucy. I've been in touch with Lucy regularly since I arrived in England, especially when it came to anything relating to Leah. I've always spoken to Lucy about girls and any situations i've found myself in and she has always helped me out, don't get me wrong, she's tough and says it how it is but she helps me and I appreciate her so much. I need her advice with this one.

——

"Alright Luce" I smile at Lucy on FaceTime

"Alright Twinks, you good?" Lucy replies

"Yeah....no....I suppose yeah. Are you?"

'I'm good mate, talk to me?"

I explain everything that's happened, or not happened between Leah and I since I've been back.

"And then she said...friends" I sigh

"Aw mate. Listen it'll be alright"

"Will it though? I already had no clue how to deal with things when me and Leah were good and now i've got to figure out how to deal with having these feelings for her, seeing her every day AND been her friend?" I face palm myself

"You fucked up Ellie. Your going to have to get a grip of yourself and just get on with it. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get a grip."

She's right. I needed this. Tough love.

"Your right, I need to get a grip and just accept it that whatever Leah and I was, its over" I sigh

"Just do me a favour though, yeah?"

"Anything mate"

"Don't go sleeping around"

"I wont"

"Promise?"

"I promise. I'm just going to focus on football"

"Good, right I've gotta go mate but ill speak to you soon yeah? Keep your chin up, everything will work out in the end mate"

"Thanks Luce, speak to you soon mate"

——

I've been back in full training for a few days now and it really does feel good to be back, not just back training properly but also to be back with the girls. It's been ok with Leah too, its not been too awkward and we have managed to speak, in a group of course, but its been good. To be honest, its good to be around her. I'm pushing all my feelings for her to one side, I can't be selfish, its my fault. If i want her in my life, not that I have much choice as i have signed a 4 year contract at the club and Leah will always be at Arsenal. But I do want her in my life and if that's as a friend, than that is good enough for me. We are no were near back to how we was before, I don't mean in a romantic sense, I mean before that when we would hang out all the time and text whenever we weren't together, we don't flirt either like we used too. I'm not sure whether we ever will get back to that point. But I'll take whatever friendship we do have.