From Barcelona To...

Chapter 35 - The Talk (Round 2 - Part 2)

I can't seem to do anything but drive, a million thoughts going through my mind. The kiss with Lilly is obviously at the forefront of my mind and I know that is what is going to hurt Leah but I also can't stop thinking about what Lilly said "You'll never change." Although I've questioned my feelings for Leah in the past, running away from her has never crossed my mind, but now? Now that feels like an option. "You're not capable of feeling anything for anyone" I told Leah exactly how I felt only a few days ago, but was it the right thing to do? Was I always going to hurt her in the long run, that's always been my main worry. I know what I feel deep down and I know everything I said to Leah was the truth, but now I'm starting to question it all. "she wont be able to deal with you, your past and your reputation" that one probably hurts the most because I think Lilly is right with that one. 

09:30. Fuck. I really do need to go home and face the music now.

——

As soon as I open the door, my stomach fills with knots. My heart aching. I try everything possible to delay the inevitable of seeing Leah, taking my time. I approach the Living room door and stop dead in my tracks. I take a big deep breath before walking through the door.

As soon as I enter, our eyes instantly meet. Right there in this moment, like always, nothing or nobody matters. The knots in my stomach change to butterflies. Her eyes. Her beautiful eyes staring into mine. I need to be near her, its selfish, I know, but I need to feel her touch.

All of a sudden I'm broken out my trance when Calvin comes bounding over to me. I show him some puppy love and say my hellos to the girls, apologising for been late. My heart aches, I know as soon as I tell Leah, it's over. But maybe after everything Lilly said, maybe that's not such a bad thing. I walk over to Leah and sit behind her, pulling her into me. I feel her body relax, fuck she looked so tense as I walked over. I know she felt relief as soon as our body's touched. My stomach is usually filled with butterflies when we touch, but this time it's filled with guilt. I sit with Leah for a while, I know she wants to know what happened between Lilly and I but this is not the time when all the girls are here. I can't just sit here and pretend anymore. I make my excuses and head off to bed, telling Leah to stay with the girls. I can see the disappointment in Leah's face, but I really don't want her to come upstairs with me right now.

I lay down in bed, with every intention on telling Leah exactly what happened when the girls have gone. Right now though, I feel drained.

——

I must have fallen to sleep as I feel Leah's body press against my back, her arms wrapping around me. It feels so good. I can't tell her, not now, not yet. I need one last night with her. I turn to face her and stroke my thumb gently under her eye. I can't help myself and I smash my lips against Leah's, its instantly intense. My emotions take over. I can't stop myself, but I really shouldn't be doing this. This is wrong. Fucked up. Ellie stop, now.

"Wait" I hear the words escape Leah's mouth

Relief runs through my entire body as soon as Leah says that one word. I would have never forgiven myself if things had just gone further between us both. I'd like to think I would have stopped it eventually as that would be fucked up if not. This can't happen.

Not. Like. This.

——

I open my eyes, its morning, Leah is cuddled into my side, my arms wrapped around her, her arms wrapped around me. I find myself smiling. She looks so beautiful. And then it hits me...I'm brought right back down to earth. I'm about to break her heart. She starts stirring as she wakes up.

"Morning babe" she grumbles, sounding sexy as always with her morning voice.

"Morning beautiful" I place a small kiss on her forehead, I can see her smiling. Fuck. My stomach is in knots.