Always There - Part 2 || Greta Van Fleet

Chapter 214: Gracious

"We're heading out early tomorrow morning." Mom said, pulling me into a tight hug. "So just let me know when you two decide to head out, that way I can be sure to be up when you get home." I nuzzled my face into her chest, having missed her smell; the smell of home. As much as I loved it here, I just couldn't deny how badly I missed home.

"You know you don't have to wait up for me." I said softly, now feeling her rub my back, and for a moment I was five years old again, feeling so safe within her arms, knowing that as long as I had her, nothing could ever hurt me.

If only that were true.

"Of course I do, honey. I'm your mother." She said simply. I nodded, knowing better than to argue.
"Don't worry." Josh chimed in. "I'll keep you updated along the way." She flashed him a smile, squeezing me tightly one more time before finally forcing herself to let go.
"Thank you." She sighed, now going over and grabbing her purse from the back of her chair. "And thank you so much for having all of us. Dinner was delicious." I could see Josh trying his best to hide his grin, shrugging nonchalantly.
"Yeah, you know, just something I whipped up."

His parents made their rounds, hugging us both and saying goodbye. Then there was Jake, who hesitated for a moment before going over to Josh first.
"See you back home." He said simply. Josh nodded, holding his stare on him for a moment before eventually pulling him into a hug.

What was going on with them?

I felt my heart start to beat faster as he turned to me, flashing me a timid smile.
"Congratulations again." He said softly, moving in closer as if assessing whether or not I was going to let him hug me too.
"Thank you." I muttered, feeling my cheeks burn. He bit down on his lip, reluctantly holding out his arms, to which I finally leaning into him, hugging him tight, hiding my face in his chest. I felt him sigh, his body relaxing around me as his grip got tighter, lightly laying his head on top of mine.

Every time he held me it was like finding the missing piece to my puzzle.

"I'll see you when you get home." He whispered. "Text me if you miss me." My heart jumped as finally moved away, giving my hand a quick and final squeeze before he followed his parents out the door, shutting it behind him.

And then there was silence.

I turned back around to see Josh leaning up against the counter, his arms tightly crossed against his chest, avoiding my eyes, keeping them locked on his feet.
"Are you gonna tell me what's wrong?" I asked, feeling my heart beat faster as I made my way back over to him. He shrugged.
"Are you?" My stomach dropped.
"W-what do you mean?"

What was he talking about?
I thought everything was fine?
Today.. was good?
Or so I thought.

"I see the way you look at him, Jaime." He muttered. My heart sunk.
"Josh, I don't-"
"You do. And.. it's just not fair of me.. to hold you to this, when.. your heart is clearly elsewhere."

What was he saying?
Where was this all coming from?

"Josh, I.. yeah I was happy to see him again, but t-that's.. that's it. I.. I don't-"
"You have never looked at me the way you look at him." He said, his voice quiet, almost chilling. That couldn't be true. I had never been more in love with him since we moved in. It was exactly what we needed, finally getting away from everything and everyone. We were engaged, we were going to get married and start a family.

And I was finally ready for all of it.

"Yes I do." I said softly. He shook his head, now giving me a gentle smile.
"I don't want this to end badly." It felt like the floor had been ripped out from underneath me.
"End? Why would this end? W-what are you saying?" He shrugged again.
"Jaime, I am so proud of you. And you deserve all of this. And.. I don't want to hold you back, from anything, or.. anyone. And I just-"
"Josh, I wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for you. I.. I need you." He shook his head.
"No you don't. You don't need anyone, and.. I love that about you. So I just think.. you need to go, and you need to do this.. without me. And I need to let you."

"Josh, where is this all coming from?" I finally asked, now feeling the tears start to fill my eyes. His face dropped, reaching out for my hand, pulling me in closer.
"I just need to stop being so selfish." He said, gently wiping my eyes. I shook my head, clinging to him tighter.
"You're not. This is what I want. You are what I want."
"What happened in the bedroom?" He finally asked. My body went cold.

"Nothing. We.. we just talked."
"What did you talk about?" I tried my best to think back on it, having had way too much to drink since then, but I knew nothing had happened. I had made sure of it, despite the fact that I might have wanted to, that was the old Jaime.

"Well?" He asked again.
"He.. he said that he missed me." He nodded, looking away.
"I'm sure he did."
"Josh, I.. I just think we should go to bed. We've all been drinking, it was a long day and-"
"Did you miss him?" He pried. I stopped, feeling my cheeks burn.
"Did you?" He insisted.
"I.. I mean.. y-yeah.. sometimes, but-"

He sighed, rolling his eyes as he pushed himself up from the counter, now making his way down the hall to our bedroom. I quickly followed him, stopping the door as he attempted to close it behind him.

"Josh, please talk to me. I just.. I don't understand what happened all of a sudden."
"That's the thing though, it's.. not all of a sudden. This has been building the entire time we were here." I stared back at him wide-eyed, unable to comprehend what I was hearing. He had felt like this the entire time, and yet..

"You've felt like this.. the entire time?" I asked. He plopped down on the bed, avoiding my eyes.
"You've said his name in your sleep, Jaime." My heart sunk.
"I.. I don't.. Josh, I.. I mean.." I stuttered, not sure what to say. I couldn't help what I dreamed about, but I could only imagine how that made him feel.

"I'm sorry, I.. I didn't know." I said softly, going over and sitting down next to him. He sighed, running his fingers through his hair before reaching over for my hand. I squeezed it tight.
"Jaime, I love you, but.. I can't let you stay with me when.. you clearly want to be somewhere else. I don't know what it is, maybe.. with everything that happened with him, you're scared. And.. I don't blame you. But.. I can't be the safe choice anymore, which.. I really feel like I am. And that's not fair to me either. We both deserve to be with someone who wants to be with us just as badly as we want them."

He felt around my fingers before eventually pulling off my ring.

"I would love to be there for you while you make your movie. That's what we've always talked about, after all. And if you still want me to help, I will be there however you need me. But.. I don't want this to end with us hating each other. We're lucky where.. we can both get out of this still loving each other, but just.. differently."

"You're leaving me." I whispered, feeling more tears fill my eyes. He shook his head, reaching back out, wiping them again.
"I'm setting you free. It's different."
"It doesn't feel different." I cried. His face dropped, now gently caressing my face.
"Maybe not right now, but.. one day it will. And we'll be happy that we were both so gracious with each other. Before it was too late." I tried my best to control my rapid breathing, but it only got worse as the tears continued to fall. He pulled me into a tight hug, helping me under the blankets and hiding his face in my neck until I eventually felt his tears on my skin.

"I love you." I whispered. He nodded, but stayed quiet, holding me close until we both drifted off to sleep.