Always There - Part 2 || Greta Van Fleet

Chapter 238: A Little Bit Earlier

As I moved away, I could see Jake looking over across the field, suddenly distracted, his grip on me getting tighter. I turned around, my heart now beating faster as I saw Josh making his way over to us.

"Jaime, I don't-"
"I promised him I would talk to him." I whispered, gently pulling away. His face dropped as he reached back out for me. I subtly shook my head, now knowing Josh was within earshot. Finally, I heard Jake let out a deep sigh, leaning in and kissing my cheek before getting up.
"Meet me inside when you're done?" He asked. I nodded, flashing him a timid grin before reaching over for his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. I felt somewhat better when he squeezed back, holding his stare on me before finally heading back to the house.

I could see him shoot Josh a look before shoving his hands into his pockets, quickly making his way across the lawn and in through the back door. Josh ignored it, keeping his eyes down until he finally got to me, flashing me a nervous grin, trying his best to sit down as gracefully as he could manage with one free leg. I reached up to help, but he waved me off.

"I'm gonna have to figure out how to function on my own with this thing." He laughed. It was nice to finally see him in a better mood. I could only wonder if it was because of his expectations of this conversation, but to be honest, I had no idea how I was going to feel.

He held his stare on me, and for a moment I felt like we were back in our apartment, living within our endless daydream. And how beautiful it was before everything came crashing down.

"I'm sorry." He started, and I was instantly snapped back to reality. I didn't know what to say, not without knowing that at any moment I could burst into tears. I thought I was okay until he was actually in front of me, and it was like he was leaving me all over again.

"Jaime, you need to know, I never wanted to leave you, but I-"
"But you did." I snapped. His face dropped.
"I thought it was what you wanted, and by the looks of it-"
"No. You don't get to say anything. Not when that's what you told me to do." He was quiet again, eventually nodding.
"You're right." He muttered. "And I hate myself for it."

I quickly wiped my eyes, hoping he hadn't seen.

"You have no idea how badly I wanted this for us. And.. sure, I was scared at first, but then.. the idea of our own family-"
"Stop." I said, quickly cutting him off, knowing that would just put me over the edge. He nodded, now avoiding my eyes, looking around me.

"Do you want a drink? It might make this a little easier." He joked. I finally managed a smile, shaking my head.
"No, I.. I'm okay."
"I've never known you to turn down a drink." He giggled. "Where's my Jaime?" My heart sunk.

His Jaime.
He realized what he said, his face instantly dropping.

"You have no idea how badly I wanted to be your Jaime." I whispered. "But then.. you left. You just.. left, and.. that's not something I can just.. forget. No matter the reason, I just.. I can't."
"So.. you two are together again." He asked, though it sounded more like a statement. I shook my head, feeling my cheeks burn.
"No." I muttered, avoiding his eyes. He tried his best to contain his grin, but it was no use.

"You sure I can't get you anything?" He asked again, playfully nudging me. I shook my head, biting down on my lip, but he always knew how to get to me.
"I'm sure." I sighed. "I haven't felt too good today, so.. I guess that's just my sign that maybe I should slow down on the drinks." He nodded, his smile growing.
"Yeah, we are getting old, aren't we?" I rolled my eyes, smirking back at him.
"Hardly."

My heart started beating faster as he moved in closer.
"Jaime, if I had pressed send.. just a little bit earlier.. would we be here right now?" I hated the idea of this, because deep down, I really didn't know. Because maybe if he had sent that text, I wouldn't have gone upstairs with Jake, and.. maybe things could have been different, or maybe it wouldn't have made any difference at all. I had missed Jake the entire time we were away, but that didn't change just how much I loved Josh.

"I don't know." I finally said.
"You don't know?"
"No, I don't know."
"After everything we've been throu-"
"After everything we've been through, you still left, so clearly it means nothing."

I couldn't believe this. This wasn't us. We had never fought, not once in our entire lives and now here we were, acting like the couples we had always made fun of, at each other's throats instead of just walking away. Only now I realized just how hard it truly was to walk away from someone you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with.

"You know this meant everything to me, Jaime. You know that. I'm sorry that I handled it the way that I did, but.. you know I never wanted to go anywhere. But you can't deny how things have been over the past few months. I know you missed him. And despite never going to see him, and him never coming to see you, I know how badly you wanted to. Don't think I don't appreciate it, because I do. I had some of the best months of my life with you, and.. for a long time it truly felt like everything was finally.. perfect. But.. I could see it. And it wasn't fair. Not to you, and not to me. But.. if you could ever forgive me, I swear to you, I will never leave you. If this is what you want, then.. I'll believe you. And we can be us again, and.. maybe if things are meant to work out, we can have our family. After everything we've talked about, all I want is for your mom to get to meet them too."

I could hear my heart pounding in my ears, his now muffled voice echoing within my mind, telling me all of these things I've wanted to hear ever since that night that everything changed between us.

And all the while I still couldn't stop thinking about the fact that Jake was now inside waiting for me, more than likely at the window watching all of this unfold, praying that nothing kept us apart any longer than necessary.

Things were different now, and if he had said these things a few days ago, maybe we could go back to the way things were, but now.. I wasn't so sure.

He then reached out for me, gently holding my face in his hand. My heart jumped at the familiar feeling of his touch, just as warm as I remember. I would count down the minutes until he'd return home from the studio, only to warm me back up during those cold winter months, knowing that I had my own personal furnace to melt away the frigid New York nights.

"So.. you're not with him?" He asked. My cheeks burned as I bit down on my lip, subtly shaking my head.
"Does that mean there's a chance for us?"
"Josh, I don't-" He then moved in closer, now leaning his forehead against mine.
"Can I kiss you?" He whispered, turning further away from the house. I knew what he was doing, only making me feel that much more guilty. Just because Jake and I weren't "official" didn't mean that doing anything with someone else wouldn't be wrong, and I knew that.

"Josh.." I sighed. He leaned in closer, his lips just barely brushing up against mine, when finally I felt something come over me, gently pushing him away.

"No."