Always There - Part 2 || Greta Van Fleet

Chapter 216: It Wasn't Meant to Be Me

As I suspected, I woke up alone.

There were a few seconds of peace before I opened my eyes, when I hadn't remembered what had happened the night before, when things were still the way they should be, and I was happy. But in an instant, reality came crashing over me, and I was hollow once again.

Maybe he didn't really mean it.
Maybe we could just talk about this.
Because this wasn't what I wanted.
I said yes to him.
I wanted him.

I listened closely, searching for any sign of movement outside to prove that he hadn't just decided to leave without me. But there was nothing. Silence. I don't know what else he wanted from me. I had given him everything, so why wasn't it enough?

Finally, I forced myself out of bed, making my way over and begrudgingly opening the door, peeking outside, wondering which Josh I was going to be getting today. And then I shook the thought. This whole thing was ridiculous. He was the one who broke up with me. He should be the one trying to avoid me. The last thing I was going to do was let him make me feel uncomfortable in my own apartment. I had earned this just as much as he had. And he didn't get to take this away from me too.

But then as I turned into the kitchen, my heart sunk when I saw him standing at the counter, silently drinking his coffee. He hesitated for a moment before finally looking up at me. I went over to the coffee maker, avoiding his eyes as I pulled out a mug from the cabinet, placing it underneath.

It was one of his, my own attempt to feel somewhat closer to him again.

Despite trying my best to act like I didn't care, it was taking everything in me not to start crying. How did we get here? This wasn't us. He was the one person in the entire world I never thought I'd ever feel uncomfortable around, making it that much harder.

I just wanted us back.

"Good morning." He finally muttered, taking a long sip. I nodded, keeping my head down.
"Morning." I managed, trying my best to keep it together. I heard him sigh, now seeing him turn towards me out of the corner of my eye. I then felt his hand on my shoulder.
"Jaime-"
"Don't." I snapped, quickly moving away, unable to contain myself anymore. "Don't touch me."
"I'm sorry." He said softly, backing away. "I just.. I think we should talk-"
"About what? About how you don't want to marry me anymore? After everything you said to me? After everything we've been through?" I said, finally glaring back up at him. His face dropped, his eyes looking sadder than I've ever seen. It broke my heart.

No.
This wasn't fair.
He didn't get to do this to me.
I was the one who was heartbroken.

"Jaime, I never said-"
"You took your ring back. You said enough." He bit down on his lip, holding his stare on me.
"I'm just trying to do what's best for you." He sighed. "I love you, more than anything, but.. I just.. I can see it, Jaime. I see the way you look at him. I know you think about him all the time, and.. I guess for a while I tried to ignore it but then.. when you saw him again the other day, I knew that it was never going to go away. If he didn't fuck up on tour, you two would still be together and you know it. So.. I don't want you to be with me just because.. of a technicality. Which is what this always was. You settled for me when he hurt you, and.. for a while I was okay with it, because at least.. we were finally together, but.. I know that you love him, Jaime. And it kills me, but not letting you go when I know he will always come first.. that isn't fair to me either. I deserve someone who puts me first. But.. for you, he has always been first."

I didn't know what to say. As badly as I wanted him to be wrong, I couldn't deny any of it. He was right. If things had gone perfectly, who knew if Jake and I would still be together. Sure, I had run off when he told me he wanted a family with me, but.. deep down the idea of it really wasn't that scary at all. I suppose I had always just looked for reasons to run because I knew that Josh would never hurt me. I was safe with him.

But how wrong I was about that.

"I've already talked about this with him." He said. My stomach dropped. So Jake already knew. And he didn't say anything?
"W-what did he say?" I asked, now feeling my heart beat faster. He shrugged, avoiding my eyes as he took another sip.
"Not much, but.. I told him not to tell anyone. Not until you and I could really talk about it. I just.. I think we need to leave this here. I've loved every minute of this, Jaime. And I wouldn't trade it for the world. This was everything I've ever dreamed of, but.. I don't want to lose you, not completely. That's why.. I think this is for the best. I'm always going to love you and.. I don't want to ruin that. I really hope you can understand."

Finally the tears started to flood my eyes. The worst part was, I did understand. I just hated it so much. All I've ever wanted was my happily ever after with him. But.. he was right. And it wasn't fair for him to feel like he was coming second in his own marriage, let alone to his own brother.

"Now.. I know you may feel compelled to try and hide it from me, so you don't hurt my feelings but.. I need you to know that I'll be okay. I want you to be happy. And I want him to be happy too. And.. I know if you two can finally just.. figure your shit out, then.. you will be." He said, a small smile finally spreading across his lips.

It made me feel somewhat better.

"I really did want to marry you, you know." I said, wiping my eyes. He nodded, his smile growing.
"I know. So did I."
"Can.. c-can I.." I started. He nodded, giggling to himself.
"You can keep the ring." He sighed. "I made it for you. It's yours if you still want it."
"I want it."

He reached into his pocket, pulling it out and handed it over to me. I took it, admiring it for a second before slipping it onto my finger on my right hand.
"You had it on you?" I asked, twirling it around my finger.
"Yeah, I guess it just.. felt cruel to leave it there for you to see when you woke up. And.. deep down I was kind of hoping you'd still want it. But.. I wasn't sure. I also kinda felt like you hated me, which.. is what I was always trying to avoid."

Despite how much I might've thought I hated him, I knew that no matter what happened, I could never hate him. A part of my heart would always belong to him.

"Josh.. w-what if.. something did happen, where.. well-"
"I told myself that if something did happen.. then it was meant to be me. But.. with how often we tried, I think it's safe to say that.. the universe knew it wasn't meant to be me either." He giggled. I couldn't help but smile, despite the fact that it was still so sad.

"I know that you are going to be an amazing mom one day, Jaime. But.. I think right now is meant for you. And.. I really want you to take it." As badly as I wanted this, I knew that he was right.
"Yeah.." I sighed, avoiding his eyes as more tears filled mine. He came over, carefully wiping them before pulling me into a tight hug. I squeezed him back, now nuzzling my face in his neck.

"I love you." I cried. He squeezed me tighter.
"I love you too. Now.. let's go pack."