Always There - Part 2 || Greta Van Fleet

Chapter 244: My One

It was positive.

I had never seen those two lines before, not in real life, anyway. Only in my dreams, to which I was often hastily ripped out from them by the blaring of my alarm; another night with not nearly enough sleep.

But now here they were.

After how many attempts at wanting them on purpose, they decided to show the one time they were the furthest from my mind. I had readied myself for this moment countless times, but nothing could have ever prepared me for the moment I finally saw them, bolder than ever.

"Jaime?" Sam whispered, leaning in closer. But I couldn't handle this right now, not with anyone else. I just needed a minute. A minute alone. To process. To think. To understand what was truly happening.

I grabbed the test and quickly made my way down the hallway and into my bedroom, slamming the door behind me before plopping down onto my bed, rolling over to face my window. In an instant my vision went blurry with tears, but I didn't know where they were coming from. I wasn't upset, but I wasn't excited either. I just.. was. I couldn't imagine that I was the only girl to ever feel like this the moment she found out she was pregnant, but for some reason it just felt so isolating.

What if I wasn't ready?
What if I couldn't do this?

I had the best mom in the world, and I already knew there was no way I could ever live up to her. And who knew how much longer I even had her? As badly as I wanted her to meet my family, I wanted her to be around long to actually know them too.

I could only pray that the universe would be kind enough to give me both.

It wasn't long before I heard my door open behind me, Sam's gentle footsteps making their way inside before carefully closing the door behind him.
"Jaime?" He whispered again as he sat down on the edge of my bed. He reached over, gently brushing the hair out of my face. I took a deep breath, finally managing to look up at him. His face dropped when he noticed the tears, carefully wiping them away.

"It's gonna be okay, Jaime. I promise." He said, giving me a forced smile. But I loved how much he was trying for me. I eventually nodded.
"I.. I know I wanted this, but.. that.. that doesn't make it any less.. scary." I muttered. He nodded, giggling to himself as he wiped my eyes again. I reached up, grabbing onto his hand to keep it in place. His skin, so warm against mine, how safe I felt caressed within his doting embrace. He moved in closer to me as I finally pushed myself up, leaning back against my pillows.

"You are going to be an amazing mom." He said, this time his smile much more genuine. "And I can't wait to see how great you're doing to be, and how adorable my niece or nephew are." I couldn't help but smile, now feeling my heart beat faster at the thought.

I was so thankful for this moment with him; to get lost within the newfound daydreams of motherhood that I had repressed for so long, wondering if I'd ever truly get to experience them, but now that it was really happening, I finally let myself enjoy them. And I was so happy to get to experience it with him before reality truly struck.

He reached over, gently placing his hand on my belly.
"It's way too soon to feel anything." I laughed. "I'm surprised it even came up on the test."
"Oh, there was no denying that test, you are pregnant as ever." He giggled. "Maybe you got the twin gene."

I hadn't even considered that.

"Don't even joke about that." I said, trying to play it off, despite the fact that the fear had now been planted and would be stuck in the back of my mind until I was told there was only one baby in there.
"Why not? You love twins." He laughed. I shot him a look, playfully shoving him away.
"Shut up!"
"Sorry, too soon?" I sighed, shaking my head, knowing that it was impossible to be mad at him ever again. Not after this.

"I don't think the world could handle two more little Jake's running around anyway." He giggled, moving his hand back down onto my stomach.
"One is enough." I agreed, smirking back up at him.
"But I would love to see a little Jaime." He said softly, avoiding my eyes. "She would be so beautiful."

My heart jumped at the thought, imagining Jake with baby Evalyn again. He was so good with her, so I could only imagine how he would be with his own. The idea of that made it that much easier.

But even still, I knew that Jake's first love would always be music. And I knew the second I told him about this, his guitar would start collecting dust as he began building cribs and high-chairs, he'd trade his guitar case for diaper bags and his record player would soon grow silent while his favorite albums remained in their sleeves, slowly but surely being drowned out by nursery rhymes and lullabies, and only if I was lucky would they be read in his voice.

I would never forgive myself for stripping him of his true identity and replacing it with the title of "Dad" when he was meant for so much more.

He would be excited at first, I knew that, but when his calloused fingers grew softer and guitar strings began to string again, I couldn't handle being on the other end of his resentment, knowing we were the ones who had held him back when deep down, all I have ever truly wanted was for him to shine like the star he was always meant to be.

But freeing him from this would rip him away from me for good, and I don't think I could handle that either. My entire life, all I had ever wanted was for him to be mine, and now he was, and we could finally have this life together, if that's what he truly wanted too.

"Thank you for being here." I said softly, now placing my hand over Sam's. His smile grew.
"You know I will always be here for you, Jaime. Whatever you need."
"If I had known you were like this maybe I would've given us a chance." I joked, immediately regretting it as it left my lips. I heard him sigh, flashing me a bashful grin.

"I know you're joking.." He muttered, shrugging to himself. "But.. maybe it wouldn't have been such a bad idea."
"It sure would've saved me a lot of trouble." I laughed. He smirked back at me.
"Yeah.." He groaned, rolling his eyes. "But you love him. And you're always gonna love him. And I think that would hurt me more."

My heart sunk, knowing that's exactly how Josh must've felt this entire time. I never wanted anyone to get hurt, but there comes a time where I owe it to myself to be selfish too; we all deserve the one who truly makes our heart sing, and now I was lucky enough to be starting a family with him.

But when the moment came when he was looking at me with those eyes, so full of hope and excitement when his dreams were finally about to come true, I don't know if I could be strong enough to hold onto him any longer, when I knew there was someone else who fit the story so much better, even if he wasn't the one.

Because I loved my one too much to keep him tied down, I loved him enough to set him free.