Fidelity

45th

Goodbye

My mind went blank.

"Anong ibig mong sabihin?"

"Beatriz! I'm warning you!" lumitaw ang mga litid ni Mommy sa biglaang pagtayo. She's almost tremoring in rage.

"She deserves to know, Mom." anito bago inilapag sa stroller si Allison. "At ano pa bang kinakatakot niyo? Things couldn't get any worse than this! Wala na rin namang magaganap na kasal, hindi ba? Just accept the fact that not everything would go according to your plans. Isa pa, maawa naman kayo kay Davion! Masyado nang maraming pinagdaanan yung tao! He's been suffering way too much from the consequences of something he didn't even do!"

I was lost. Walang rumerehistro sa utak ko at walang lumalabas sa bibig ko. Hindi ko kayang iproseso lahat ng sinsabi niya.

Hindi ko alam kung anong itsura ko ngunit sa ekspresyon ni Ate Bea ay tila saktong-sakto sa inaasahan niya ang reaksyon ko. Humalukipkip ito.

"Yes, Solace." she sarcastically said. "Everything was staged. Tanda mo pa nung biglang pumayag sila Daddy na pasukin mo ang Fashion Industry? Obviously, it was Davion's doing. Alam mo naman 'yon. Alam mo namang kinausap niya sila Mommy."

Alam ko. Alam ko ang tungkol doon. We explicitly talked about it. Briefly. Ang alam ko lang ay nakumbinsi niya sila Daddy. It didn't seem like there was something more to it. Parang simoy ng hangin na dahan-dahang bumalik ang alaala ko tungkol doon.

"Walang tiwala sila Mommy na matatanggap ka sa kilalang Academy lalo pa't okupado na ng relasyon niyo ang oras at isip mo. They think you're weaker when you're in love. That you wouldn't go far especially when you're in a relationship. Kaya't wala na silang balak pagbigyan pa ang gusto mo. Sapat na sa kanilang gamitin mo ang tinapos mo sa UA&P at pumasok sa kumpanya ni Mommy. They expect nothing but the bare minimum from you,"

I wish my mind could just remain blank. I wish my mind could keep on being unable to process anything. Dahil ngayong unti-unti nang rumerehistro sakin ang lahat ay tila punyal na bumabaon sa dibdib ko ang bawat salitang naririnig.

"But Davion believes otherwise. He did everything to convince them. Sa huli, Mom and Dad considered letting you apply for admission, pero kapag hindi ka pumasa, para sa kanila ay patunay yon na mali si Davion at tama sila. That you really couldn't be in a relationship if you are to pursue something. Na kailangan niyong maghiwalay para makapagpokus ka,"

Ang namumuong bukol sa lalamunan ko ay mas lalong lumalaki. Ang mabigat na nakadagan sa dibdib ay mas lalong dumidiin. Kasabay ng panghihina ng loob ko ay ang siya ring unti-unti panlalambot ng tuhod ko. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko pa nakakayang manatiling nakatayo.

"Davion has so much faith in you that he didn't even mind the condition. Hindi siya nagdalawang isip dahil iyon lang din naman ang tanging paraan para payagan ka na nila Mommy. Buo ang tiwala niyang makakapasa ka,"

Wala kong maramdamang maganda sa mga naririnig. Ang tanging namumutawi sa dibdib ko ay sakit, poot, at sama ng loob.

"But unfortunately, you didn't. We all thought you didn't."

It was the last thing she said. There was a long silence after her last words. It was my mother who decided to break it.

"Our measures may not have been ideal but everything worked out in the end. You succeeded and things are okay—"

"No.." mula sa pagkakatulala ay umangat ang tingin ko. "It will never be okay. My emotions were played. Everything around me was manipulated. My being, my relationship, my future. This has to stop,"