Fidelity

16th

Fuck him

I couldn't think straight.

Ang takbo ay napalitan ng walang-patid na lakad. Dire-diretso kahit walang destinasyon sa isipan. Hindi alam ang patutunguhan. My hands were ice cold. I feel like I'm as pale as a ghost.

"Sol—"

Halos mapatalon ako nang may humuli sa palapulsuhan. Napasinghap ako nang si Davion ang bumungad sa pagpihit ko.

I pulled my hand away from his grip in an impulse. Namutla ito.

"Y-you.." I couldn't even bring myself to speak. My voice was shaking like crazy.

Hindi ko pa rin tuluyang maproseso ang nangyari. My head is in complete turmoil. Ramdam ko ang pares ng mga matang nagagawi sa direksiyon namin mula sa mga taong naglalakad sa grounds.

He heaved a sharp breath. "Let's go somewhere els—"

Agad kong iniwas ang kamay nang magtangka siyang hawakan ulit ako. How dare him touch me?!

A certain feeling of rage started building up inside me. This time, I was able to bring myself to speak without my voice breaking in between.

"You," sa lamig ng sariling tinig ay kinilabutan ako. I didn't even have to say more than what I ought too. Sigurado ako sa nakita ko. Malinaw na malinaw na ang lahat. I neither need a confirmation nor an answer. I just need to get things off my chest.

"You..." pumikit ako at nilunok ang bara sa lalamunan. I feel like a different person the moment I opened my eyes again. "You really are manwhore, aren't you? Totoo lahat ng sinasabi nila tungkol sayo... You weren't the person I thought you were... I don't.. I don't think I even know you at all,"

His eyes almost swayed me for a split second but I've come to my senses so deeply to even bend for a moment.

"I—"

"Hindi ko kailangan ng paliwanag mo," I cut him off without batting an eye. Walang kahit anumang salita mula sa kanya ang makakapagpagaan ng loob ko ngayon. Sirang-sira na siya sakin at hindi na mareremedyohan pa iyon. "I just need to know one thing.. You don't have to say anything else other than a yes or no,"

Sa nasaksihan kanina ay tila binagyo ang isipan ko. Animo'y snowball effect na nagtagpi-tagpi ang mga bagay-bagay sa utak ko. Ngunit sa dami ng hindi ko matanggap na reyalisasyon ay may isa pa ring nangingibabaw at bumabagabag sa akin.

I looked him straight in the eye.

"That night... The night you took me out of the bar... Did you actually bring me to your place with the thought of having sex with me?"

Ni hindi ko alam kung paano naitawid nang diretso ang tanong na iyon nang hindi nanginginig ang tinig o bumibigay ang binti.

Davion's face was unreadable. Sari-saring emosyon ang nakikita ko sa mata niya. Most of which I'd rather not name.

He took a deep heavy breath before averting my gaze.

"Yes,"

Nanikip ang dibdib ko. Inasahan ko naman na ang sagot niya ngunit tila hindi pa rin ako handa sa narinig. There was a thousand of raving emotions bottling up inside me and the only way my body thought of to release them was to slap him on the face. Hard. Loud. With all my might.

Ramdam ko pamamanhid ng palad hanggang sa paglalakad ko palayo sa kanya. Tila may tusok-tusok na bumabaon sa mga kamay ko. I feel like crying and throwing up.