Fidelity

18th

Nakakaiyak sa Sarap

"It tastes okay to me," ani Davion matapos isubo ang nakagatan ko.

Nalaglag ang panga ko habang tulala sa clear container. Bakante na ang pwesto ng kanina'y nakagatan ko.

"Yuck! Why did you do that? May saliva ko na 'yon!" I hysterically exclaimed.

He looks amused by my reaction. "Bakit? First indirect kiss mo ba 'yon?"

Gumuhit ang aliw na ngisi sa labi niya habang abala sa pagmamaneho. Napanganga ko.

"I hate you!" I shouted on top of my lungs. Humalukipkip ako at padabog na sumandal. God! Worst man ever! I can't believe I used to think he was kind and ideal!

He chuckled. "Arte.. Ako naman yung kumain ng may laway, hindi ikaw... Anong niyayuck mo dyan?"

"Shut up!"

"Namumula ka, Madam." panunuya niya.

Nagpanting ang tainga ko sa narinig. Halos umusok ang pisngi ko.

"Don't call me that!" I got unwanted chills at the way he said it, for some reason! He's so annoying! "Damn! I super hate you!"

"See? It's not the cookies. You just hate me," kalmanteng wika niya at nakuha pang sumubo ng panibago.

"Sinong di kukulo ang dugo sayo eh manloloko ka?!" Okay. This might actually be the first time I'm letting out my frustration to him after he made a fool out of me.

"Kailan kita niloko?" he plainly said.

I looked at him with a horrified expression on my face. Ako mismo ay hindi na maipinta ang sariling itsura.

"Are you seriously asking me that?" nanggagalaiting wika ko.

"No, seriously, tell me. Kailan kita niloko?"

I hate how he can keep on driving the car while simultaneously driving me crazy. I hate how he can maintain his composure na parang wala lang habang ako rito ay kulang na lang pumutok ang mga litid. Certified professional fuckboy ang gago!

All that could come out of my mouth was one empty sarcastic laugh.

"See? You can't say anything... Hindi sa nagmamalinis, I know I'm no saint, you're the one who thought of me as one, Solace. Ilang beses kong sinabi sayo na mali ang akala mo. Na mali ang tingin mo sakin. Ewan ko ba kung anong nakikita mo at parang galing sa ibang dimensyon ang mga ideya mo sakin,"

I was lost for words. Hindi ko alam pero natagpuan ko na lang ang sarili na nakanganga sa pinagsasabi niya. I'm appalled... outraged... and distressed all at once.

What is this? Really, Davion? Gaslighting me at a time like this? Ako pa ngayon ang masama? Kasalanan ko pa pala?

I heard him heave a sigh. "Look, I'm sorry.. You've been nothing but good to me, Solace. I know you're just really kind and... you're different. You think differently. You see the world in a different light. But I'm sorry coz I'm not the kind of person you thought I was.."

"I hate you." I muttered trough gritted teeth, furrowed brows, and crossed arms.

He nodded. "I know.."

"I hate you," I uttered in the same manner.

I don't want him to have the last words. That's all I know for now. And that's all I can say for now. That's all I can process for now. Whatever he say, I hate him.

Kunot ang noo ko habang matulis ang tingin sa bintana buong byahe. Halos magka-stiff neck ako hanggang makarating sa bahay sa kakaiwas magawi sa kanya ang tingin. Mas naiirita lang ako. I don't even wanna think about a thing or reevaluate the encounters he was referring to. The more I think about what he said, the more it's starting to make sense. But no. There's no way I'm admitting that. Mamamatay na lang ako kaysa amining mali ako. I'm never yielding. Mali pa rin naman siya. Maling-mali pa rin.