Fidelity

55th

Authorized Personnel Only

I haven't heard from Austin for days. And I also haven't been reaching out to him.

I knew I should start getting bothered. I know I should be doing something about it. Or at least feel something. But the worst part is, I don't feel anything. Instead of feeling bad, I was doing fine. And it scared the shit out of me.

My relationship with Austin was deteriorating and I had no idea it was happening. Or maybe I had. And I just let it.

It's like we were playing the waiting game. And we were both so good at it. Before I even know it, days became weeks. And weeks became a month.

Until such time that it felt like it was just a matter of who's gonna call it off.

I started wondering if we were actually still together or not. Was our last encounter an implicit goodbye? Was that it? Had we call it quits?

That's when it hit me.

The fact that I was thinking about it so casually made me realize something. Instead of grieving... I've been more concerned about these useless things. I was already thinking about the closure before the breakup could even happen. It was as if I was already over it before it could even begin.

It made me sick to my stomach. I felt disgusted  with myself. I should think about Austin at the very least. Ano na lang ang mararamdaman niya pag nalaman niya ang mga iniisip ko? It made me feel guilty. He... doesn't deserve this.

That's when it became clear to me.

Solasta Aicelle:
Let's talk

The waiting game was over. Or at least to my end, it was. I finally realized what was the right thing for me to do. Just thinking about it was enough to cause a throbbing pain inside my chest. It was the first time I actually felt something in weeks.

Marahil dahil sa pagkakataong ito ay malinaw na ang lahat. Until-unti nang rumerehistro sa akin. What's about to happen and what I'm about to lose. All the things we've been through and the memories we've shared. Good and bad.

Kaonti lang ang tao sa cafè pagpasok ko. I went to the farthest corner to find a secluded spot. Bakante ang table sa pinakasulok ngunit may nakabukas na laptop sa ibabaw noon kaya't sa katabing table na lang ako umupo.

I was gazing through the glass walls of the coffee shop when I saw Austin. My hands were on my lap as I watch him enter. It didn't take long until his eyes met mine.

God... didn't realize I haven't seen his face for so long until now. Hindi ko mabasa ang mga mata niya. He looks... tired. His eyes were worn out.

"I'm sorry... kanina ka pa?" he couldn't look at me.

Just like me, it seems like he wasn't doing so well lately. Ngayong nasa harap ko na siya ay hindi maiwasang tumagal ng titig ko sa kanya. I can see some traces of facial hair as if he hasn't been shaving as often. Despite all that, some female staff were still checking him out and gushing over him.

"Kakarating ko lang din.."

Matapos iserve ang order namin ay agad kaming binalot ng katahimikan. He was looking anywhere but me. I can't help but just roam my eyes around too.

Even this very place holds a special place in our relationship. This is where we order cookies. Ito lang ang tanging pastry shop sa area na completely plant-based ang buong menu. I didn't even know they had a physical store until Austin surprised me and brought me here. I can still remember how I jumped at him and gave me a hug. How his eyes smiled after seeing how happy I was.