A sunset with you

Chapter 13

Jennie

Kai texts me saying sorry for like the millionth time and I finally reply saying it's okay. He promises to treat me to breakfast tomorrow so I pretend that I am happy with his suggestion and switch off my phone. I guess tonight, I will spend the evening alone. I take my notebook from my back and start writing. I usually have no idea what I am writing but tonight, I am converting my frustration into words. This is a technique I use on my clients and I know it works because it helps me vent. 

I don't have a therapist. I am the therapist and sometimes, everything is too much for me too. So this is usually how I cope. Reading or writing. One helps me escape reality while the other helps me face it.

"Jennie?" I look up to see the last person I need right now.

"Taehyung. Hi." Fuck fate. Keeps dragging me to shit.

"What are you doing here?" 

"I don't know Tae. I don't know what I am doing. I was supposed to meet Kai here and he forgot so now I am writing down all the things I am feeling on this piece of paper hoping to let it all out."

He stares at the book in my hand while I stare straight ahead, at the dark ocean. He nods and walks away. I watch him walk away, not even a word. How dare he? I mean he has no reason to stand here but he could have at least said bye. More frustration builds up inside of me so I continue to write, faster this time, ruining the pages as I tightly place the pen on the paper as I form the words on it. 

Not even ten minutes later, three pages are filled with scribbles and I feel like I am done venting onto the poor book so I tear the pages out. I keep the book aside and continue to shred the pages into a million pieces. Just as I am about to let the little pieces go, someone grabs my wrist.

"Woah, Jen. The beach did nothing to you. Don't let the wind take the pieces away." Taehyung is back, holding a bag of what looks like food. He places the bag on the bench beside me and slowly takes the tiny pieces out of my hands. He walks over to the trash can which is a like a few feet away from where I am sitting. He returns and sits down beside me. "I wish I could put those pieces back together to see what could be so frustrating."

"I told you earlier."

"Nah, Jen, let's be honest. It could be disappointing to be stood up but this much anger? There should be more to it but of course, you don't have to tell me about it. However, I would like to share something I do when I am furious." He takes a burger out of the bag and hands it over. 

"Food?" He nods as he takes a huge bite of his burger.  I look at mine and let out a sigh. Maybe he is right. "Forget everything and eat Jennie," I tell myself before opening up my burger and taking a much smaller bite of it.

We don't say a word for a whole half an hour and just stare at the sea as the number of people slowly starts to reduce until it's just the two of us. It's quiet except for the waves singing, it's dark except for the moon that shines down on us, lighting the whole area.

"Why are you always there when I am having a breakdown?"

"Hm?" 

"The other night, when I was sad in the park, you showed up. Today, when I was furious on the beach, you show up. Why? How?" He shrugs. "Don't do this. Don't be there for me when I need someone."

"What?"

"Taehyung," I pause, thinking once again if I should say this because there is a chance I might lose him but it's for the best. "Kai fails occasionally to be there for me. He fails to see through me, to read me, and know when things are hard for me. On the other hand, you see right through me and even though we are strangers, you just know me. The more you keep showing up instead of Kai, the more I wish it was you that I was waiting for in the first place."

"Stranger? Jennie, I have known you longer than Kai. I know you exactly as you are. If me being there for you when you needed someone to rely on is a problem for you, sure. I will stay away from your life but ask yourself once more. Are you sure that Kai is the one?"

"Yes." I don't think. I know if I do, it will mess with my head even more so I answer as I am supposed to. "He is the one I love."

"Okay." He stands up but before he leaves me, he turns around one last time. "Jennie, if you ever need me, today, tomorrow, in a year or ten years. I don't mind, just give me a call. If you ever lose my number, check your plushies. Goodbye, Jennie."

He walks away. I don't move. I am still processing everything. Plushie? It was him. He was my secret admirer for all these years. He was so close to me yet so far. I have always had a soft spot for the man that was thoughtful enough to get me a gift for valentines Day and now I am watching him walking away from my life. Possibly, forever. 

Am I just gonna let him go? 

Just like that?