Ghost Flowers

56. Relief

TRIGGER WARNING: SELF HARM

The days leading up to staying at Brad's cabin dragged on and on. Savana wasn't sure if she would make it. If she wasn't crying, she would feel numb. Not knowing why she was so upset made her cry harder. She wanted it to stop. For everything to just stop. To be still and quiet. Peaceful.

Savana spent the week sitting alone in her room, ignoring her buzzing phone and staring at her wrist. She never understood how someone could purposely harm themselves. But as she slowly pushed a broken blade into the skin on her left wrist. She felt a glimmer of relief as she then dragged the blade across her skin. Red creeping out. 

Something struck her mind. She realized people would see the cuts and ask her questions she wasn't to hear or answer.

There were other parts of her body to use as a canvas. Her thighs or her stomach. The thought of cutting her stomach made her queasy again. She shifted her pajama shorts and looked at her pale thighs. They needed some color.

Savana started to drag the blade across her skin. Another thought made her pause. Jade told her they were going swimming at the lake near the cabin. Savana could still wear shorts while in the water, though. But she knew she couldn't swim as freely with them on.

Thoughts swirled through her mind as she stopped dragging the blade. Why should she care about swimming right now? Is she even going to make it to the cabin? What else can she do? Where can she go? Should she just die right now?

All these internal questions caused Savana to grip the blade tightly, and blood dripped from her palm onto her carpet.

Shit.

Savana ran down the hall, nearly tripping over little Hannibal. She ignored his shrieking meows for the last hour. It was like he knew something was wrong. Luckily, Gavin wasn't home to see her in such a state.

The cold water running through her hands calmed her down. She threw the broken razor in the garbage. Looking up in the mirror, she realized hadn't looked at her reflection for a week.

Her curly hair looked like a giant cat had hacked up a hairball. Her eyes were red and puffy. The bags under them made it look like she hadn't slept in weeks. Which is exactly how she felt.

Savana stared at her reflection, wondering what people would say about her after she died. She carefully wrapped a bandage around her hand. Preparing a story of how she got hurt. 

Then, a small black figure ran into the bathroom. Hannibal jumped onto the sink and rubbed his head against Savana's hand as he meowed in a worried tone.

The floodgates opened. Savana couldn't hold herself up anymore. Her arms gave out, and she fell onto the cold bathroom floor. Hannibal continued meowing and rubbing against her.

She lay on her side and held her cat close to her chest. She sobbed into his black fur. Hannibal let her do as she pleased as he purred loudly. Feeling the vibrations of his purr against her face calmed her again.

She took a deep breath and slowly let it out. She needed to pull herself together and clean her room before Gavin came home. After wiping away her tears, she squeezed Hannibal again and stood up. She grabbed a towel with cleaning chemicals and walked into her room.

Her phone buzzed again as she finished cleaning the blood spots out of the carpet. She sighed and realized she better check her phone to make sure her dad wasn't trying to get a hold of her.

She saw messages from Cully, Faye, and Ezra. All wondered what she was doing and if she wanted to go to the lake with them. It was the same every day this week.

On the last day of school, Ezra told Savana that the girls told him everything that happened between her and Landon. Savana was upset that they would tell him without talking to her first. But then she realized she wouldn't have told him anyway, afraid he would have been angry with her. But he wasn't angry, not at her. He was furious at Landon. Ezra wanted Savana to know he warned Landon to stay away from her.

Ezra tried talking to Savana about Damon. But she couldn't even hear his name without crying. Hearing Landon's name made her just as upset, if not more so. The memory of feeling helpless when Landon attacked her. To be saved by someone else. Now that someone was gone, she wouldn't see him again.

Savana's phone buzzed again. This time from an unknown number.

UNKNOWN: Hey Savana. This is Wade. I heard you were coming up to the cabin. It's looking to be a lot of fun with you there!

Later that day, Gavin came home.

"I'm home!" He always announced when he was home, but lately, there was never a response. He knew his daughter kept herself in her room and ignored the world. He reminded himself that soon, she would be enjoying herself with friends at the cabin and having the time of her life.

"Hey, Dad!" Savana shouted from the bathroom.

Gavin was startled. He was used to the quiet. He started to notice music playing. With a brow raised, he took his shoes off at the kitchen door and peered down the hallway. Savana came out of the bathroom with her small speaker blaring music. A towel was wrapped around her body, and another wrapped around the top of her head. She took a shower.

The other day, Gavin coaxed some details out of his daughter about why she was so upset at Jacklyn's house. She didn't mention Landon, but she told him about Damon moving, and she liked him more than she realized. She was embarrassed to tell her dad about it, but she couldn't keep it inside her anymore.

Gavin suspected there was more to what she had confessed to him but didn't want to push her further. However, he had worried about how long she had gone without showering or changing her clothes. She hadn't had much of an appetite lately, either.

Gavin couldn't help but smile as he watched her happily nod to the music before stepping into her room.