-Stevie-
Sneaking back down the long, dimly lit hallway, this feeling of dread fills my insides. I've never truly been this unprepared for the future, but suddenly I find myself not really knowing what comes next. I don't know where to go once I've figured it all out, but I almost don't even want to think about it until it happens. I have lawyers to call, paperwork to fill out, a funeral to plan, an apartment to clean out, a nursery to set up and the only thing I really want to do is have a mental breakdown.
It feels like the world is crumbling all around me and the only thing I have to look forward to in this life is the future of Lydia's child. It feels like the world has stopped and I'm stuck in this abandoned universe, where no one else is here to rescue me.
It's me and it's this baby. That's it.
I quietly pull open the glass door, immediately to be met by Lindsey, fast asleep in the chair while the baby slumbers in the bassinet right next to him. He has one hand on his chest, the other resting on the crib as his snores fill the room.
I start chewing on my bottom lip as a million memories flood back to me. I remember hundreds of nights, coming into the nursery at night just to see the most perfect man, sitting in the rocking chair, sleeping as one of our beautiful babies slept soundly in his arms.
He was always the best at everything when it came to parenting. There was never a time in my life that I had doubted the love he has for our children, even though I know the love he once had for me is no longer in existence.
I know that whatever we shared, which always seemed like a ton of love, affection and pure passion isn't there anymore. I used to get these funny butterflies in the pit of my stomach every time he would touch me- every time he'd kiss me, but now I can hardly sit in the same room with him.
After I finally pull my eyes away from Lindsey, I slowly trail through the room until I'm standing right over the new baby. She's snuggled into a pink blanket, eyes taking in her dark surroundings as her hands, wrapped in baby gloves are curled up by her cheeks.
"Hello, Lynley." I whisper. "Do you like that name?" I slowly bend down to pick her back up. "I bet you love it, because I know I do." I tell her as I crawl into the hospital bed to lay down with her.
I sit back, laying her on my chest as she allows her eyes to scan the room. I already know I won't be able to find sleep tonight, no matter how hard I try.
I'm right, because all night I look out the window at the streetlight that's right across the parking lot. I don't sleep a wink, so when Lindsey wakes up a little past six in the morning- I'm still awake, holding our granddaughter.
I watch him sit up, adjusting himself in the chair as he stares at me. His eyes look tired or maybe they're sad... I can't really remember the difference anymore.
"Did you sleep at all, Steph?" He asks, gently rubbing his eyes as he lets out a yawn.
"How am I supposed to sleep, Lindsey?"
He lets out a sigh as his head hits the back of the chair. "I know, Stevie." He mumbles, eyes glued on the ceiling.
"Why would you ask such a stupid question?" I roll my eyes as I look back down at the sweet girl in my arms.
We've run in this circle for years now. One minute we tolerate each other and the next, I'm fed up with his presence.
"I'm not arguing with you." He shakes his head, hand falling down to his side as a sign of frustration.
He's always spoken well with his hands, mostly when he's mad. We didn't fight very often, but when we did it would usually end with his hand slamming against the counter top, or the wall and then I knew he was over it and it was time to move on.
But right now, I don't want to argue with him either. That isn't my motive, but I do find him to be annoying, mainly in situations like these.
"Did you figure out a name for the baby?" He breaks a cold silence that had arisen between the two of us.
"Lynley..." I repeat the name that has been on replay in my mind ever since the moment I read it out of her journal.
That's the perfect name for this perfect child.
"It sounds good." He gives me a gentle smile- a smile that has always been able to tug on my emotions. "She's already as perfect as her mama and her grandma." He adds, causing my heart to do somersaults.
~~~~
-Lindsey-
"You-" Her voice is cut off by the sound of the door opening, and Brandon lingering in the doorway.
He gives Stevie and I both a weak smile as he stuffs his hands deep into his jean pockets. His eyes are bloodshot, and I can tell he's been drinking.
I know that look... I used to be that dad.
"Hey." I mumble, giving him a lazy wave.
"Good morning, Brandon." Stevie says, a soft sigh coming right after her words. "Did you come to meet your daughter?" She raises her eyebrow, hand softly landing on Lynley's back to keep her asleep.
She can be tough- don't let her fool you. She's not always sunshine and rainbows... sometimes she's nails on a chalkboard.
"Well..." He takes a moment, his eyes on the floor so he doesn't have to look at either of us. "I can't do it." He quickly says, which makes me roll my eyes. "I can't raise the baby without Lydia." He leans back against the wall, biting the inside of his cheek.
He couldn't raise a baby with her, either...
"Then you need to leave now, Brandon." Stevie doesn't even hesitate as she pushes herself off the bed. "If you don't want to be in her life then you shouldn't even meet her." She doesn't even look at him, because she has directed all her attention on gently setting the baby back in her crib.
"I-"
Another knock fills our ears and a second later the doctor pushes open the door. He briefly talks about filling out the birth certificate and how we should go about it. And as we listen- Stevie and I, Brandon glanced over at Lynley for just a split second, then he disappears out the door.
I really wish he could step up, be a great dad but I don't think he can be. I don't think he has the brain capacity to understand the concept of fatherhood, but I also don't think Lydia wanted him around long enough to be a father.
I think she wanted a baby, not a family. But I wouldn't say that aloud, especially not to Stevie.
"Are you okay?" Stevie pulls me out of my thoughts, leading the way down the hallway to figure out the next step of this adoption process.
I glance up, staring into the eyes of the woman that gave me two of my favorite people. "I want to do this with you." I announce, not thinking it through and not having to.
"You want to raise her with me?" She creases a brow, genuinely surprised.
"We've done it before..." I half chuckle for the first time in days. "We know that we can."
