-Lindsey-
"You are such a sweet little munchkin." Stevie whispers to the baby as she holds the sleeping bundle in her arms.
I lean back against the elevator wall, smiling at how in love she is with Lynley. I don't think she's put her down for a total of 30 minutes in the past couple of days, and I can tell she's head over heels for her.
We haven't really decided what we're going to do, but I know I won't allow her to raise the baby all by herself. Even though we had divorced when Luca was just eleven, I was always there for them, which gave her room to have a more personal life...
I don't know what her personal life entailed, but I think she may have even dated once or twice. I'm not sure, because I would have been the last person to know.
"Lindsey, can you grab my purse, please?" Her eyes are still looking at the baby when the door opens and we're welcomed by the emergency room lobby.
"Of course, Steph." I let her go first, picking her bag up off the floor to follow her out.
It hasn't been that long since I've done this whole baby thing, only about eight years, but with Stevie it was so different compared to sharing an infant with Katrina. Stevie was so simply enticed by everything that came with raising our two children and I think she'll be just as amazed with Lynley's milestones.
With Stevie everything just came easier, almost like telling an old story that you've heard a thousand times- the more you replay the words, the more you understand the concept of it all and the more you grow to love it... The more I've gotten to know Stevie, the more I've understood her ways and the more I've grown to love her.
She's like my favorite old story.
"Honey, watch your step." I remind her as we near a couple stairs in the lobby.
I trail behind her the rest of the way, praying she occasionally looks away from the baby to the walkway. Last thing she needs is to break something out here.
Once we've made it outside where the sun is shining bright, it feels more welcoming. It's early, only a little past nine in the morning, but we've been working on getting the baby discharged since six, so I think we're all ready for a nap.
"Let me get her in the car and then I'll help you get all that stuff in." Stevie motions to the bags that Lydia brought to the hospital, the stuff people had gifted the new baby and a million 'it's a girl!" balloons.
She wouldn't let me pop them in the room...
"No worries." I pull open the back hatch of her SUV, while she sets the baby in the car seat and gets her all buckled up.
~~~~~~
-Stevie-
I sit in the backseat all the way home, babbling to the baby as her little blue orbs roam around the car. She's so alert, so enticed by the world already and it just melts my heart.
"You okay back there?" Lindsey looks at us through the review mirror, a gentle smile on his handsome face.
"We're great, Linds." I return the smile, but I really want to burst into tears.
I can't imagine co-parenting another child with him. I thought my time of court mandated visits were over. I was finally done trading children on the weekends and spending every other holiday with our kids wasn't a thing anymore. But now we're starting all over again, this time with a baby that belongs to the most precious girl in the whole entire world and I'm not sure either of us are ready.
This is going to be harder, not only because we aren't very young anymore, but also because I want to do everything Lydia had planned and I don't think being in a famous rock band will allow me to do it.
I don't think this lifestyle is the lifestyle Lydia had dreamt about when she imagined her baby growing up, and I think I need to alter my own life to fit her most desired wants.
"We're here." Lindsey announces as we pull through the gates of my home.
There are cars wrapped all the way around the fountain out front, almost like they tried to play some game of Tetris in the driveway. I can already feel the tears building up, because I know sadness about the passing of our girl is going to wash the happiness of Lynley right out of the room.
It's going to be a nightmare as soon as we walk into that house, but so will the next couple of days with the funeral that Karen so willingly offered to help plan.
"Are you gonna be okay to get her?" Lindsey steps out onto the driveway first, but he immediately stops to pull open my door before he moves to the hatch.
He's always been helpful and loving, but that isn't enough to hold a hurting marriage together and it just couldn't.
"Yes," I reply, unbuckling the baby to pull the car seat out.
After I get the baby out and Lindsey grabs everything else, we finally make it into the house. The whole place smells like potato casserole, green beans, pumpkin pie and unseasoned roast beef, which causes my nostrils to freeze up. It smells exactly like parents home did only days after we lost my father. The whole neighborhood sent over food for my mother in her time of grieving and suddenly we're those people, the ones who are grieving, yet it still feels so unreal.
It feels like Lydia will run down those stairs any minute, carrying her overnight bag and talking on her cell phone.
I can't even fathom the thought that I will never get to endure all these wonderful aspects of my girl ever again.
"Hey, mama." Luca is standing in the kitchen, a glass of orange juice in one hand as he leans back against the counter. "Hey, dad." He adds once his father makes it into the kitchen as well.
"Hi, baby." I whisper, tears quickly filling my eyes as they scan the kitchen counter, where pans of food, cards and other 'sorry' gifts take up residency.
"Hey, buddy." Lindsey's hand falls on the small of my back and for the first time in years- I let myself melt into his side.
"TeeDee, why didn't you tell us you were coming home? We would have come to get you." My mothers voice fills the kitchen, making me groan.
"We didn't want to make it a big deal, okay?" I reply, but this big lump forms in my throat the minute Lindsey's lips fall to my forehead.
She doesn't even reply to that, probably because she knows this is not a time to argue over something that's useless.
Suddenly, within the matter of about two seconds- the entire kitchen is filled with people. They all want to talk, hug, hold the baby and ask Lindsey and I if we've eaten yet this morning.
"The baby is so perfect, Stevie." Katrina holds Lynley in her arms as I stuff a piece of chocolate cake into my mouth. "I can't wait to see her grow up." She adds, which pains me to no end.
