~~~
-Lindsey-
It's later that night, long after everyone else is fast asleep when I find myself standing in the kitchen, eating out of a bag of mini donuts as I replay the day.
It was awful. It felt like the world had been hanging on by a string, but that string was cut and we all crashed into the depths of space... Deep but true.
It was just hard- every aspect of it. Listening to our close family and Lydia's best friends talk about the extraordinary person she was and how much they'd miss her was really difficult.
I think for the first time, it really set it. It really became apparent that she wasn't coming back and life would never be the same.
"You're still awake...?" Stevie whispers through the dark room, right before she flicks on the big light.
She's in a silk nightgown, long blonde hair laying in natural curls as she lingers in the doorframe.... she's the prettiest woman in the world.
"I can't sleep," I reply, giving her a weak shrug.
"I can't either," She wraps her silk robe a little tighter around her upper half as she lingers further into the kitchen. "It was a rough day." She looks beat, but she still looks beautiful even after so much heartache.
"It definitely was," I slide the bag of donuts across the counter as I bring the cup of milk up to my lips to take a drink.
Any other time, she'd tell me how bad this was- not only is night time eating not that great, but half a bag of chocolate donuts isn't either.
"I want to hug you." I know she's beyond sad when something like that leaves her mouth.
"I wanna hug you too," I let out a weak chuckle as I hold out my arms for her.
She pushes herself away from the kitchen island to trail right into my open arms.
I let out a sigh of contentment when she rests her head on my chest, allowing me to plant soft kisses in her soft blonde locks.
I don't know if it's the fact that we've known each other for a hundred years or that we both just know what the other needs in these moments, but it feels safe.
Being with her, especially in chaos, makes me feel like everything will work out in the end... even if it won't.
"I have really missed you," She slides her hand up my back, slowly rubbing my neck as she continues to stare off into the other direction.
"Steph-" I'm cut off by the lungs of a healthy baby, who was just fast asleep in the bassinet that is set up in the living room.
"I'll get her," She slowly pulls herself away from me to go get our unhappy granddaughter.
And as soon as she disappears through the doorway, I swallow the lump in my throat, because for a moment I had this urge to tell her how much I need her in my life.
It was a weird feeling, but I had an urge to tell her how much I've always loved her and how much I've always needed her, even after our divorce.
In that split second, I thought about nothing other than how wonderful it would be to share a life with the woman who has always had my heart. However, deep down, I know that she doesn't want to hear those things, not now... not from me.
~~~
-Stevie~
As the morning sun shines bright through the kitchen windows, I stare into space as I lean back against the counter.
The skill of multitasking as come back to me in full force. This morning I've found myself cradling the baby in one arm, the other hand holding my coffee as I read over the newspaper on the counter... just like a professional.
"Everyone's gonna leave us, baby." I whisper down to Lynley.
It's the last morning of chaos... three days after the funeral and I can already hear the sound of footsteps upstairs, where everyone is packing their things to go to their own homes. And I'm absolutely dreading it.
I have always hated being alone, but being alone with a new baby, during the scariest time of my life is really daunting... I don't know how to do it.
I've never been a single parent- not when the kids were small. I always had help and suddenly I feel like it's just me... hanging on by a thread.
And before I know it, I'm standing in the driveway with Luca, watching Lindsey and his small family pack themselves into their car to head back home- something that has always been hard for me to grasp.
Just ten years ago it was our family of four, but now it's just his family of three, and it hurts.
"Hey," He steps away from the car after the bags, Katrina and Matthew are all packed in there for their journey home. "I'll see you soon, Steph." He comes closer towards me, and I can't help but throw my arms around his neck.
"You have to promise." I thought I could do this without him, but I can't.
"I'll be back before you know it."
