-Stevie-
Looking up at the ceiling, sun shining right through my bedroom curtains, I let out a deep sigh.
Between my thoughts running rampant and Lynley, I didn't get a wink of sleep. I just kept tossing and turning, then up and down. It was a long night.
"Okay, hold on." I whisper as soon as she starts her soft crying. "Good morning, beautiful girl." I push myself out of the messy bed, trailing towards the bassinet that's only feet away from my side.
I slowly pick her up, cradling her to my chest as I gently rock her back and forth. It isn't until I step on his balled up t-shirt that's by the door, and then my mind travels back to Lindsey.
It's crazy, we're crazy. One minute I can't stand him, and the next minute, I want to him to hold me through the night. And it's wrong.
That's wrong of me.
I don't care how much I dislike Katrina- she's still his wife. She is still the mother of one of his children and though she didn't take my feelings into consideration when she messed with my husband, I know I'll always think about her.
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine." I sing the song I've sang to my other two children all the way down the staircase as she uses her tiny hand to pull my necklace as hard as she can.
"You make me happy when skies are gray." Lindsey's sitting in the living room, watching the morning news and drinking coffee.
And once again I find myself thinking about our marriage. I can remember a thousand mornings just like this, and I hate how much I took them all for granted.
Actually, it was annoyed the hell out of me, because he'd always leave his cup on the coffee table and I'd have to pick it up. But now, I think it's cute.
I think he's absolutely adorable, but I know that he doesn't feel the same way about me.
"Good morning, beautiful ladies." He pops up off the couch, giving Lynley a big smile as he walks towards us. "Did you sleep well?" He looks down at me as he carefully takes her out of my arms.
I slept absolutely awful... but it was only because I wanted to sleep next to him all night. I wanted him to wrap me in his arms, and hold me like he did before we weren't leading separate lives.
"I slept fine," I let out a soft sigh, watching him kiss the top of her dark curls. "How about you?" I turn to the kitchen, leaving him in the living room.
"Not too great, actually." He follows me, sitting on the barstool with the baby laying on his chest.
"Oh? Why is that?" I pull out a clean baby bottle, rolling my eyes, because I know I probably don't want to know.
"We should probably talk about last night, Steph." He brings up exactly what I've been dreading. "What was that? What does it-"
"Lindsey," I cut him off, shaking my head as I hold up a hand to silence him. "It was a moment of pure weakness, okay?" I pause for a moment, trying to think of the next excuse. "You didn't want it, and I didn't want it." I did want it and I wanted a lot more.
"What would make you think that I didn't want to kiss you?" He creases a brow, while I shake the formula into the bottle to feed the baby.
"Because you're married, Lindsey." I set the bottle on the counter, sliding it to him. "You're married to another woman," I emphasize, trying to get my point across.
However, I have to remind myself that marriage had never stopped him before.
"I was married to you first." He argues, a small smirk on his face.
"That is past tense, and you should know better..." I turn back to the kitchen counter, pouring myself a cup of coffee.
"What if I told you that I like kissing you more than I like kissing my wife." He's rocking the baby, while she drinks milk and looks up at him.
"Then I would tell you that you're insane." I don't think he's being truthful... No, I think he just feels this hole in his heart from the loss of our daughter.
And he's trying to justify it. He's trying to make it seem like what we did wasn't wrong when we both know it was.
"Well, I really like kissing you, Stephanie... I always have." He's so full of shit and it doesn't shock me that he so easily got another woman pregnant while we were married.
He can sweet talk just about anyone.
"I need to shower." I take my cup in one hand, leaving the baby in the hands of her grandfather.
I like kissing him too, and I always have. I've always felt this spark, even after everything we've been through. There's a connection, one that no one will ever be able to take away.
And even though I really do love him, and know that he's always going to be "the one"- I still can't allow him to push himself into my life yet again.
I need someone who I can trust. I need someone who is going to love me even on the bad days... And he's failed me once already.
After a hot shower, I trail into my bedroom and take a seat on the edge of the bed. Without much thought, I pick up the phone and dial the number I know by heart.
"Hello?" Lori sounds preoccupied, but this is very important so whatever she's doing is just going to have to wait.
"Hi, sweetheart." I don't know if I actually want this, or if I just think that I do.
"Good morning, Stevie." She sounds awfully cheerful... Far too cheerful for me.
"Do you remember when you were talking about that friend of Christophers?" I chew on my lower lip, shifting uncomfortably in my own bed.
"I do." She chuckles, which makes me giggle in return.
"I've been doing some thinking," that isn't very true, because it's been more like one single thought. "I think I'd like to go out to dinner or something with him."
