-Stevie-
Lindsey and I spend the next couple of weeks living the same way we have for months, which is exactly what I would call co-parenting.
He spends almost every night of the week at my house, and sometimes Matthew stays on the weekends. But even with all the extra time we've been spending together- I still refuse to talk about the night we shared.
I don't know why I'm so scared to open up to him, maybe it's because I worry that it's Katrina who doesn't love him- not the other way around and he's too scared to stand on his own two feet. I think he just doesn't remember how to live alone and he knows that I'd do anything to help him get through these times of struggle- that's why I'm his safety blanket.
I've always been there... like an old teddy bear.
Within the last couple of months, I've also stopped seeing David, because I realized that I can't push myself into the arms of a man that I know I'll never be able to love... especially when I can love much deeper and much more intense, because that's how I love Lindsey.
It kind of scares me a little. I don't remember a time that I didn't love him, even when we were going through our divorce- I always had feelings for him, and I find myself falling madly in love with him all over again.
But I can't, because he's married and I refuse to be that person. I will not be the home wrecker, the woman Katrina talks bad about with all her girlfriends when they drink wine on Friday afternoons... or maybe that's just what my group of girls do. I don't know, but I don't want to be that woman, ever.
And even in three weeks time, Luca still hasn't returned any of my phone calls or even answered the door to Lindsey's condo when I stopped by. I have a feeling it's because his dad told him that I didn't really handle his situation well, but it still hurts me. It hurts to know that my son doesn't want my help, even when I'm willing to offer it up.
And I also hate that he goes to his father for everything, because I was once the parent that he trusted the most.
~
"You are quite the little fish, my dear." I walk around the patio, watching Lindsey pull Lynley around the pool on her baby turtle float.
She's wearing her little mermaid one piece bathing suit, with the sleeves and her matching swim hat, all to assure that she doesn't get a sunburn.
This has become our normal hot Saturday routine and I absolutely adore it. Lindsey loves to swim, and she loves to splash- mostly grandpa and sometimes grandma, but it's a good way for both of their favorite activities to be put into one. It also wears both of them out, so nap time goes a lot smoother after a good swim.
"Say hi to grandma," he's been trying to get her to talk for awhile, but I continue to tell him that five months might be a little early. "Hi," he repeats, which just makes her giggle.
"Hi, Lynley." I give her a big smile, trailing towards the edge of the pool to sit down and soak my feet.
"Ask grandma to sing your song, baby." He smirks. "Your voice is her favorite." He looks up at me, blue eyes colliding with my brown ones, which makes my heart skip a beat.
She doesn't know what's going on, but she gives me the sweetest smile and that always pulls on my heartstrings.
"Okay," I let out a small laugh at how excited she gets. "All the leaves are brown..." I don't know why she loves that so much, but it causes her little feet to hit the water repeatedly.
"Hey, kids." Lindsey's personal assistant cuts me off, standing in the doorway of the open sliding glass door, holding a packet of papers and a smile.
"What's up?" Lindsey slowly walks the baby towards me, making sure I hold the float, while he climbs up to stairs to dry off.
"Good morning, Stevie." Ray smiles, giving me a small wave.
"Hi, Ray." I return the smile as I watch Lindsey walk towards the patio deck.
He wraps a towel around his waist before he disappears into the house and then I turn back to Lynley, who is patiently waiting for me to continue her song. "You and me, sweet pea." I smile, slowly sliding into the water to ensure she doesn't fall in. "And the sky is gray..." I can't help but laugh at her gummy smile, because it melts my heart a million times over.
~~~
-Lindsey-
"How's it going?" I quickly dry my feet off before I step onto the hardwood floors. "Going good?" I step into the kitchen, where he's leaning up against the counter.
"It's almost over." He's looking down at the stack of papers, fanning them out, probably to find a specific one. "I just need you to sign this," he pushes it towards me, a pen to go along with it.
I look at it for a minute, reading the small words. It's just saying that she gets the house- the same one I already promised her when we were meeting with our lawyers a couple of weeks ago. I don't want the house, or need the house, because it's so far away from Stevie and the baby. And I think that wherever they're at is where I need to be.
"Also, I talked to your lawyer and he mentioned that she doesn't want to go through a full out custody battle. She said that if you're happy with every other weekend, then she's more than willing to give that to you." He slides that paper across the counter for me to look at as well.
"That's fine," I would like to see my son more often, but I can't have him all week long- it just wouldn't be good for either of us and I know for a fact that a kid needs his mother.
"Awesome!" Ray gives me an encouraging smile and I smile right back, because this is what I want. "Your divorce should be finalized in a couple of weeks, probably around the holidays."
That's like music to my ears, because the sooner I'm single- the sooner I can prove to Stevie that I want her. I want her a thousand times over, a million different days, but as the exact person she already is. I want to grow old with her, but I hate that she doesn't believe me when I say it, so getting divorced and then professing my love for her seems like my best bet right now.
"How's life with the ex?" He asks as he stuffs all the paperwork back into the cream folder.
I let out a chuckle, slowly turning to look out the glass window, where Stevie is swimming around the pool with our granddaughter. "I love everything about this, Ray." I admit it, because it's beyond true. "I want this for the rest of my life," I do- more than anything.
"Well, you only got a couple more weeks and then you can make it happen." He doesn't understand how hard it's going to be to make her believe that the love I have for her is real and always has been, but I'm going to- no matter what.
