-Lindsey~
We spend all afternoon going through Lydia's things, and packing up all of Lynley's unopened baby stuff. There's so much. An entire life packed into a tiny apartment.
Between her belongs and the baby's, it's pretty overwhelming.
While Stevie packs clothes, I am in charge of taking apart the crib- the one that I set up only two months ago when I painted the nursery a light shade of yellow. We also take apart the rocking chair, packing it back into a cardboard box to relocate to Stevie's guest bedroom, where I plan to paint another nursery for the baby... Having babies is not for the weak.
But anyway, it's just a mess. Not only does Lydia have a million different important things lying around her home, but every time Stevie catches a glimpse of something Lydia once wore or used- she just breaks down.
She goes through this circle of emotions. One minute she finds something cute, so she laughs a little and then the next minute, she's reminded of the loss and then she's crying again...
It breaks me a little more each time.
"Here, Linds." Stevie stands in Lydia's bedroom doorway, holding a tiny blue velvet jewelry box. "I think this is the necklace you got her for her seventh birthday." She adds, holding it out for me to take.
I carefully take it and slowly open the lid, just to be met by a gold plated, engraved heart. It meant a lot when I had given it to her, because her seventh rolled around about the same time Stevie kicked me out and it was hard.
It was hard for Stevie and I to be at the same party and try to act like we were civil when we really weren't. She absolutely hated me and I know our kids felt all the tension that lingered when we were around one another.
Lydia's necklace was more of a forgiveness kind of gift, because I wanted so badly for my daughter to forgive me for the way I had hurt the wonderful woman who had given her life. And eventually, a little further down the road, she did.
But I didn't. I never got over breaking my wife's heart and I don't think I ever will.
"Are you okay?" She leans to one side of the doorway, a weak smile on her perfect face.
"Yeah," I'm not okay, but I'm too scared to admit all my own fears.
~~~
-Stevie~
I bite my bottom lip as I watch him use his finger to trace the necklace that our daughter wore almost everyday. She loved it, just like she loved her father- endlessly.
"Sweetheart," I haven't called him any of those nasty pet names in years- it makes me want to barf. "You can talk to me about it, Linds." I add as I trail towards him, sliding my arms around his waist... almost like he's mine to hold and he isn't- I know better.
"I'm scared, Steph." He wraps his arm around my back as I snuggle into the curve of his neck.
"I know, Lindsey." I whisper into his ear, softly kissing his shoulder. "It'll be alright." I tell him the same thing that he's been telling me for days.
We hold one another for a long moment, neither of us saying a single word as this has always been enough.
"Stevie?" Karen's voice fills our ears, but instead of pushing away from him, I melt into his side.
"Yes?" I reply as she stands in the hallway, eyes a little wide.
She swallows hard, trying not to mention anything as she continues with what she came in to say. "I'm going to drop some of this stuff off at you house and I'll be back." Her voice sounds different... she's shocked and I don't really blame her.
"Thank you, Karen." Lindsey is the first to reply, arm still wrapped around my shoulders as I stay snuggled into him.
"I'll see you later." I add, giving her a very thankful smile before she trials out of the room.
Once we hear the front door shut behind her, I gentle rub his chest before I push myself out of his arms. "She has so much stuff." I chuckle, looking around the room that is still packed with clutter.
"Yeah..." he nods lightly, clasping his hands together. "I wanna talk to you about something." Lindsey's tone suddenly shifts and he sounds awfully serious... I don't like when he's that serious.
"Katrina's pregnant?" I can't help but tease, because that's what this moment feels like.... I'm getting some serious déjà vu.
He lets out a sarcastic laugh, shaking his head. "Hell no." He replies.
With a soft smile, I take a seat in the chair we have yet to pack up. "What do you wanna talk about?" I can only assume it's about Lynley or Lydia, because that's all that's ever on my mind these days.
"I think I want to get a separation from Katrina." He says it so relaxed- so mundane.
"Why?" My heart is pounding, but I'm not exactly sure why.
"I'm just not happy anymore, Steph and I think once she heads home to get it ready to sell..." he pauses for a second, trying to find the right words. "Well, I think it'll be a good time apart." He shrugs, tossing his hands out to his sides lazily.
Such a strange thing to say and suddenly, as I stare at him with a blank expression, I wonder if that's how he told Katerina that he was going to leave me... Did he just casually, like it was nothing, mention that our marriage was over, or did it hurt?
I could never tell with him.
"I don't want to be a part of this, Lindsey." I hold up my hands. letting out a small sigh. "Your marriage is none of my business." I add, shaking my head softly.
"I know." He assures with another really excruciating sigh. "I just need you right now, Stevie." I can hear the sensitivity in his voice, which makes me frown a little.
"And I'm always here for you, but I can't tell you what to do... " I can't, because I'd be hurtful with my words, unintentionally. "All I can say is that you need to figure out what it is that is going to make you happy and then you need to fight for it."
