Mental mess

First therapy session

Me and my brother is sitting in the waiting room to the therapy session, I am bouncing my leg up and down anxiously. My brother notice and puts his hand on my leg in a attempt of comfort.

"It's going to be okay" He says with a soft and soothing voice. I look at him and nod.
"Hannah Baker?" A old woman would say and I stand up and walk over to her.
"Good you will meet me today" She says her voice a bit harsh, I nod at her then turn to my brother who smiles at me reassuringly. I follow the woman in to a small room with birch trees on the wallpapers, there was a chair a sofa and a table. The woman motions for me to sit in the sofa.

"So Hannah, how are you feeling?" She asks when I am sitting on the couch.
"I'm fine" I say and would pull slight at my sleeves anxiously.
"Okay I'm going to ask you a question, how are you feeling" She asks again and I look at her with a confused look on my face.
"I just told you I'm fine" I say confused, was she deaf?
"I think we both know that's bullshit" She says coldly and I look at her shocked.
"Okay I don't get it aren't you supposed to like help me?" I say a bit annoyed and raise and eyebrow at her.
"Yes but I can't do that if you're lying to me and yourself" She says calmly but her face is stern. I look at her even more annoyed then before.
"I'm not lying!" I raise my voice at her I was staring to get mad at this point.
"Good then tell me how you feel" She says again and would look at me sternly, she didn't raise her voice one bit.
"Fucking great! Because everyone in this world thinks that I'm a monster for killing my best fucking friend!" I shout at her really angry at this point.
"So you killed your best friend?" She says and raises a eyebrow. I look down.
"It was a accident I didn't mean to..." I say quietly keeping my glaze on the floor.
"Well accidents happen and we just got to learn from them" She says in a kind tone. I keep looking down then I slightly shake my head.
"You don't get it..." I say and look up at her. She looks at me confused.
"Then tell me" She says calmly but still holding the stern face.
"You don't get it because you weren't there! You did see your best friend dead on the ground bleeding! You were never fucking there!" I shout at her and angry tears fall down my face and I stand up and storm out of the room, she doesn't try to stop me. I walk out to the waiting room where my brother is sitting.

"Hey, how did it go?" He says and smiles reassuringly to me, but I ignore it and walk out of the building then open the car door and sit down crossing my arms.
"Not great i guess then" He says and sigh then runs after me and sit in the drivers seat of the car. I am sitting with my face pointing out of the window.
"Hannah, look at me" He says and would take my chin and make me look at him, I have tears streaming down my face and he hugs me tightly. "Remember we are going to get through this okay?" He says and pulls away and smiles at me, I nod in response and hug him tightly again, he would make circles on my back while hugging me until I had calmed down.
"Are you okay now?" He asks with a kind smile, I nod. He lets go of me and starts driving home.