𝐻𝐸𝑅 // 𝐵𝐼𝐿𝐿𝐼𝐸 𝐸𝐼𝐿𝐼𝑆𝐻 𝐹𝐴𝑁𝐹𝐼𝐶𝑇𝐼𝑂𝑁

HER : 9

emery

"do you want me to buy you some ice cream? or doughnuts with your favorite coffee?" billie asked.

i haven't been responsive ever since the car started moving. i'm in billie's bed, quietly crying under the sheets. i don't want to disturb anyone in the house, i'm just waiting for meave to call me back.

"emery you can talk to me." billie sighed.

"it's okay i'll wait for meave to get back to me." i finally said something.

"i promise, just because i'm a lesbian doesn't mean i can't hear a thing about boys. believe it or not i used to date boys, and i hear drew complain about them all the time." she said. "it looks like meave is a little busy right now."

"it's not because you're a lesbian." i said.

"i know, i was just messing... how about this, just tell me if he hurt you, or made you do something you didn't want to do." she replied.

"no it was nothing like that." i shook my head.

"okay." she sighed. "i'll try meave for you again."

"wait." i came out of my cave. "you sure it's okay to tell you this?"

"you can tell me anything." she nodded.

"i thought i was ready, but when he saw me i couldn't." tears instantly filled my eyes. "and he didn't say anything to ease me, i felt like he was- he wanted it so bad and it was supposed to be my first time." my voice cracked.

"i only recently overcame an eating disorder... that doesn't necessarily mean i love my body though and i was already insecure going into it." i cried. "and i just told him to stop a—and he did and i locked myself in the bathroom, cause i didn't want to see him. i was too embarrassed to face him."

"i'm not sure if i did something wrong or if he did something wrong or— i- i tried to call meave but she didn't answer and you were the only other person i could think of."

"i'm glad you called me, and i'm so glad that you stopped him when you did. it's not your fault, if you didn't want to have sex with him anymore then that's that. you did nothing wrong emery." she softy said.

"i know, but i'm scared." my voice cracked once again.

"emery." she pulled me into her hold, i rested my hard on her chest.

"what if he thinks i'm crazy and he doesn't want anything to do with me anymore? or what if people at school find out?" i cried. "i shouldn't have reacted the way i did, i could've not hid in the bathroom for twenty minutes."

"who cares what people think, and if he doesn't want to associate himself with you anymore then he's an asshole and you'd be glad that you figured that out before losing your virginity. when you're ready, if he's not a bad person, you're going to sit down and talk it out with him. you two are going to be fine." she said, which actually calmed me down. which gave me the room to appreciate how good she smells, i never really noticed before but she smells great and now that i think about it, she always does. she has this woody, vanilla smell to her and it's very comforting.

"i hope so." i sighed.

"don't you want to eat something? my mom made some pasta that's waiting for us in the kitchen." she offered.

"i don't feel like eating."

"you sure? there has to be something that sounds good right now. i'll order in for us." she checked even further. it's really sweet how she's taking care of me.

"no it's fine bil really." i shook my head.

"see that's means you do have something in mind, come on don't be shy." she stressed.