𝐻𝐸𝑅 // 𝐵𝐼𝐿𝐿𝐼𝐸 𝐸𝐼𝐿𝐼𝑆𝐻 𝐹𝐴𝑁𝐹𝐼𝐶𝑇𝐼𝑂𝑁

HER : 50

emery

sometimes i don't know when my habits start being habits. i always like to stare at my ceiling for a little while before i get up. i like opening the bathroom door with three fingers only. i brush my teeth before my skin care. i like taking a shower before. i always wake up on my left side, but i always sleep on my right... and i'm starting to drool when i sleep.

i wiped the saliva off my chin and the side of my mouth. i turned to lay on my back, staring at the ceiling. i don't remember how i got here, i don't remember how i got home. i frowned trying to determine if i'm in a dream and the a shiver bangs my back making me slightly jump, i called her yesterday.

she came with patrick. and the necklace i was looking for half a decade ago.. she's been wearing it around her neck this whole time.

i don't know why but that just gave me hope. for what i'm not sure. no actually i know for what, but it's stupid, why would i hope? i don't want this. i don't know if i don't want this actually. i don't know what i want.

i fidgeted with the necklace she gave me. i know, how ironic. the universe really works in mysterious ways, doesn't it.

one thing i know is, i know i miss her. and now that i've seen her and i've had a taste of what it's like being around her, i miss her even more. that doesn't mean that we should be back in each others life. for all i know we might hate each other at the end of it this time— and i don't know why i'm even saying this time, and i don't want to hate her cause i skipped that emotion last time, i don't want to push my luck.

i don't have the time for this. i can't be thinking about this now, i need to be thinking of the quiz i have on monday. i should be thinking about my tummy ache because i'm so hungry. i haven't eaten anything since breakfast yesterday.

♦︎♢♦︎♢♦︎♢♦︎

jen called before i woke up, i called her back immediately. i knew she'd be flabbergasted when i told her what happened, there is no way i would have been able to keep this from her. she was flabbergasted and she also immediately started heading my way.

"i don't remember jen." i sighed. "i assume i got up and walked sleeply to my apartment after that, but i'm not sure she might've followed me in to make sure i was in my apartment safely. i. don't. remember."

"drew probably knows right? i'll call drew." she started looking though her phone contacts.

"no! are you crazy?." i snatched her phone while widening my eyes.

"what? i talked to her two days ago." she replied. "you know we still talk it won't be weird."

"no don't ask her. at least not when i'm around you." i scolded her.

"okay i won't, but tell me again what did you say you felt about all this?" she raised a brow and placed her fist under her chin.

"again i don't know." i shook my head. "it does have to mean shit though, we crossed paths again and that's it right?"

"right." she narrowed her eyes at me. "you just said you missed her."

"i do, but that's expected. it's normal, at least i think it is." i defended.

"it's definitely not normal." she shook her head, disagreeing. "you miss her." she said it in a tone that i can't describe.