𝐻𝐸𝑅 // 𝐵𝐼𝐿𝐿𝐼𝐸 𝐸𝐼𝐿𝐼𝑆𝐻 𝐹𝐴𝑁𝐹𝐼𝐶𝑇𝐼𝑂𝑁

HER : 42

billie

"i thought you went to pick up emery yesterday, what happened?" mom knocked on my door.

i was laying on my stomach, face imbedded in my pillow, crying. "billie, i'm talking to you."

"we broke up." i said before starting to audibly cry.

"what happened?" mama sat right next to me and i put my head on her lap. i was too busy hiccuping and sniffing to answer. "i thought you were doing fine after you went out with the girls."

"no." i shook my head, and hiccuped even more.

"it's okay, everything is going to be okay." she brushed my hair out of my face and wiped the tears away. "and she's going to be okay too, sometimes even love just isn't enough. i truly believe that she's the right person, it's just you two met at the wrong time."

"it's hurt so much." i managed to get out in between my cries.

"i know honey, i know." she comforted me.

"i love her so much." i put my hand on my chest because i truly felt like my heart was aching.

"i know." she softly said.

♦︎♢♦︎♢♦︎♢♦︎

"if she doesn't blame you, then i do." drew said. "look i get that it was all so unbearable for you, but what do you think she was feeling? you thought that she wanted to be in bed all day, crying her whole soul out? no billie! and you made it all so much worse for her, what did you think her moving to finneas' room meant?"

"look billie i love you, but you fucked up and you can't deny that." she shook her head, pacing back and forth infront of me.

"you don't think i know? i know i fucked up, i know she's just being nice to me. i fucking blame me, i fucked up." i raised my voice. "just shut the fuck up okay? the fucking pain is enough, i can't handle this shit right now!" i took a deep shaky breath in.

"so she's going to stay with jen until she can move into her dorm?" she asked.

"yes, at least that's what i know." i nodded. "she didn't even want to talk, she was so set on her decision, i swear i tried."

"yeah no shit." drew shook her head.

"you're supposed to be comforting me!" i sniffled.

"i'll do whatever i want to do, and right now i want to scold you. did you go back and realize the way you treated her was unacceptable? no you didn't, because you still don't get why she was so set on her decision. she ended it before she would start hating you, she did you a favor." she started pointing her index finger at me.

"just stop already!" i cried.

"fuck billie, you really fucked up this time." she sighed, shaking her head at me. "i love herrrr!" she stomped.

"i fucking love her more than anything!" i yelled.

"then why did you do this!"

i thought she'd never leave and i took advantage of that. i felt like she was replacing me in my house, so resented her for having a relationship with my family. i thought no matter what i did she'd be there, i forgot that she could leave and she would leave if i wronged her. i forgot how things were.

take me back and i'd make everything okay.

♦︎♢♦︎♢♦︎♢♦︎

my mom came into my room earlier and started grabbing stuff from here and there. when i questioned her, she told me that emery needed her stuff back sooner or later. i kicked her out of my room, which now i feel very bad for, but i told her that i'd do it.