𝐻𝐸𝑅 // 𝐵𝐼𝐿𝐿𝐼𝐸 𝐸𝐼𝐿𝐼𝑆𝐻 𝐹𝐴𝑁𝐹𝐼𝐶𝑇𝐼𝑂𝑁

HER : 19

emery

"who is it?" jen teased when she realized my sudden change of behavior and mood recently.

"it's no one jen." i shook my head.

"is it someone from the school?" she asked.

"i can't tell you here."

"okay so it is."

"no it's not!"

"don't lie!"

"jen."

"emery."

"jen." meave approached us.

"go away meave." jen sighed.

"i would but you're not returning any of my call or text or voice mails." she said. i only stood there witnessing the conversation.

"and i've listened to the first half of those voicemails. i stopped when you started begging me to call you back. i get it, you're sorry. cool. i don't forgive you. you're a bad person. you were shitty to me. you bullied me. you don't even know me. it's too late. go make yourself feel better by asking jesus for forgiveness or something, i don't care." jen didn't even stutter.

meave looked shook with her eyes slightly widened and with a loss of words. jen and i started walking away but meave grabbed my elbow stopping me, which stopped jen too. "emery, i've been calling you too." she looked desperate.

"i know." i shook my head and walked away.

i can't go back to that friendship. it was too toxic and what happened and what i found out... those were my last straws. anit no way.

"thank you for sticking by me." jen squeezed the same arm that was interlocked with hers as we walked to the parking lot. after that day with billie and finding out that my parents don't know how to parent i've been caring less about whatever consequences were waiting for me at home.

"of course." i smiled.

"now that we are not in school, are you willing to tell me who is this person?" she asked. her lack of using gendered pronouns made me so much more comfortable and actually encouraged me to talk.

"you can't tell anyone." i sighed as we got in her car.

"who would i tell? my plants?" she looked at me. "you know that you're my only real human friend."

"why do you have fake human friends?" i blinked.

"i don't know, maybe." she shrugged. "i have online friends." she clarified. "anyway, not the point. tell me."

"it's not a boy." i revealed. "which confuses me because i always thought i liked boys but maybe i don't and she.. she's important to me and i'm scared i'm going to hurt her because i'm only finding this out about myself and i'll hate myself forever if something happened to us."

"mhm..." she was waiting the name drop.

"billie and i confessed our feelings to each other last wednesday and cuddled together while crying till we slept." i blurted out.

"i knew it!" jen reacted. "also i'm glad you felt comfortable enough to tell me and i'm proud of you, really."

"what!" i felt truly horrified. "is it that obvious? jen please tell me it isn't."

"no, i only figured it out when you said it was a girl and after you said it was someone from school. you don't talk to a lot of people, you know? so i narrowed it down." she assured me.

"okay good." i sighed a sigh of relief. "and we've been acting normal, but normal in a way that says wednesday never happened and it's confusing me even more."