Para Lang Sa Yo

Is this the end?

It was my death march.. bawat hakbang na gawin ko papalapit sa kanya.. lalong bumibigat ang aking mga paa. 

Noong una gusto nya sa simbahan ang kasal… which I vehemently objected to.. .. kaya kong lokohin ang sarili ko.. pero hindi sa loob nang simbahan..

ayaw ko din sa Pilipinas.. 

Hindi rin ako pumayag na ilakad ako sa altar nang isa kina Kuya or ni Daddy. Sapat nang kahihiyan ang ipagpilitan ni Diether ang gusto nya.. i don’t want them suffering from my decision. 

What should have been the happiest moment … became the most dreadful for me..

Ramdam ko ang bigat nang nararamdaman nila mommy at daddy at nang lahat nang  taong nakatingin sa akin… most of them probably doesn’t even understand why this is happening..

He grabbed my hands when I reached where he was. I felt numb . 

He whispered… “thank you for doing this” 

“Dearly beloved…..”

From that moment on ..wala na akong naramdaman .. para akong isang eroplano na inilagay sa auto-pilot . 

Nandoon ako pero pilit bumabalik sa alala nang gabing yun… at sa mga sumunod na nangyari…

“You can’t sacrifice your life for the things I’ve done in my past Babe, you can’t … the hell I care kung lumabas ang videos … we were all consenting adults!” 

Pareho kaming naiiyak.. pero nanatili kaming magkayap. Subconsciously pareho naming pilit gustong iparamdam na maayos din ang lahat.

“Gerald.. .. I can.. I can… for you babe.. I can..” pabulong na sagot ko sa kanya …

Bahagya syang kumawala sa yakap namin.. hinawakan nang parehong kamay ang mukha ko and said.

.“ we are a lot stronger than this babe..we will get through this… this can be it..”  

pagkatapos ay hinalikan nya ako nang mariin which I responded with the same intesity.

“Please trust me Babe.. trust  that I will fix this… please trust me…”

“ok

ok babe ....

I have nothing but you Babe … and I will hold on to you no matter what” 

Bumuo kami nang plano noong gabi na yun. 

Hindi pa namin alam kung paano aayusin pero I was able to convince him that temporarily I have to “go” with what Diether wants until we have  a solid fool-proof plan that 1) those videos will never go public.. and 2)  those videos will be destroyed… and never haunt us  Ever again.

Hindi lang ang anak nang president ang ang masisira kung saka-sakali.. , there would also be families and marriages that will be destroyed if those videos were to be exposed.

He promised he will get to the bottom of how Diether got hold of those videos. To his knowledge those footages were made as insurance policy to the “game players” . Those videos were done to protect them against exposure.

He knows that the only people that has those videos are the ones who are on them.. the players who know how to stick with the boundaries and restrictions of their alternative lifestyle.

Alam nya somebody fed them to him… and doon kami magsisimula.

We needed time so we planned to buy time by asking Diether that if we were to get married and start a new life.. I want it sa States… away from the people who knows us.. and the family.