The Merchant and Tavern Master

Not A Broken Doll (final)

As I confessed my feelings to Takahiko that night, I followed Master's advice to be honest and open, to lay bare my emotions and stay true to my desires. However, I couldn't help but lie a little when I told Takahiko that I was content with our good relationship. In reality, I wanted to possess him, to be his and his alone. But the weight of my shameful past held me back from expressing my true desires. I was afraid of losing him, so I settled for being a good friend instead. Yet, I couldn't compete with his honesty. He spoke sincerely about building a family with me.

Why would he propose such a thing? I am not a pure woman anymore. He deserves someone better than me. But he remained firm in his conviction. I laughed at my own foolishness for attempting to deceive myself. I never expected him to be so bold to make the first move and kiss me. It was an awkward kiss, revealing his innocence. He confessed that it was his first kiss, which made it feel like an even greater privilege for me. But with that single action, all my desires were laid bare before him. I could no longer contain myself, and that night we shared our first intimate union.

I was surprised by how perfectly our bodies fit together. Unlike the dreadful experiences I had in the brothel, I felt no repulsion towards him. On the contrary, my desire for him grew stronger with each passing moment. I yearned for him to claim me as his own, to leave his mark upon me. And so, night after night, he remained by my side, and we indulged in our passionate encounters. We were well aware of the disarray we left behind in my modest room, but we paid no mind to the chaos, for our desire for each other knew no bounds. We greedily surrendered ourselves to the intoxicating embrace of our bodies, lost in the ecstasy of our shared moments.

I had convinced myself that I wouldn't mind if, someday, he were to leave me. I had prepared myself for the possibility, believing that his love was a privilege I didn't deserve as someone who can be considered as damaged goods. But little did I realize the depth of Takahiko's seriousness. From the very beginning, he had already envisioned a future where we would have children together. His love and dedication surpassed anything I could have imagined. I now truly understand the weight of his affection for me, and I'm convinced that I truly love this man.

Because I love him deeply, I mustn't allow myself to become a hindrance to his own dreams. He has already delayed his trading venture in another city for several days, and even though I am not a merchant myself, it wouldn't be wise to let things continue this way. It's not that I don't understand his emotions, but the man I love is someone who strives tirelessly to turn his dreams into reality, not someone who forgets his purpose and ruins his own life. One night, I gently reminded him of his duty as a merchant, which means we must be temporarily separated. Thankfully, he understood and embraced it.

The morning came, and he readied himself to embark on his next venture. Although it was I who encouraged him to leave, deep down I confess that I wished for him to stay. Yet, we are both grown adults, aware of our responsibilities. We understand that we must fulfill our obligations. Knowing the temporary ache of separation, I comprehend why he longed for my company throughout his journey. It is a matter that requires serious consideration on my part. As I readied myself in the tavern, engaging in conversation with my companions, he suddenly appeared.

With a few words exchanged, he took hold of my hand and gently slipped a golden ring onto my left ring finger. He declared that even though we had not officially registered as spouses, he already considered me his wife. I wondered at the sudden display of boldness. Then, he sought the assistance of my colleagues in looking after me in his absence. One of my mischievous colleagues even jestingly claimed she would guard her heart against my supposed disloyalty! How audacious of her! I hope it was merely in jest. And just like that, he departed to continue his journey.

I found myself wondering what had come over me, for unlike my usual self, when he arrived and slipped the ring onto my finger, I was rendered speechless. My heartbeat thundered in my chest, drowning out the cheers of my colleagues who witnessed the affection Takahiko bestowed upon me. I stood there, frozen. There was no need for me to inquire, for my blushing countenance surely revealed my feelings. It was an unforgettable moment, etched into my memory. Now that he has departed, the day has turned to night, and I find myself alone in my humble abode, a solitary chamber where only days ago we embraced passionately, with no secrets between us.

On this chilling night, I have come to learn the cruelty of emptiness. As I gaze upon the vacant space beside me in my modest bed, the reality of the void within me becomes clear. The void I feel is unlike any pain I have ever experienced. I long to see him, to feel the warmth of his kiss, to be enveloped in his embrace, surrendering my entire being into his care. It dawned on me—I yearned for him.

"Takahiko.. I missed you.."

In my sorrow, I yearn for the embrace of the dream goddess, hoping she will offer solace as my tears stream silently. Strangely, I find solace in this pain, for it carries with it a glimmer of hope. Unlike despair, this ache holds within it the promise of a future encounter with his visage. I swear upon the gods that I shall yield to his desires. I am willing to be his wife, his servant, anything he wishes me to be. This time, I shall ensure that my true longing is revealed to him and him alone.