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Sleeping was a distant vision for him as he tossed and twisted on his bed. He remembers her pain in her sleep, having dreams, giving him a punch of worry and unrest, the shirt sticking to his body, sweating everything. He was guilty of being apathetic with her when he wanted to console her or ask her what was wrong.
He lay up, unable to sleep. He was well aware that something uncomfortable was going on in her life, but he needed to behave as if he didn't care. After all, everything was contractual. Once they achieve what they desire, everything falls apart, toppling the house of cards they'd built in the future. He didn't want that to happen, and he didn't want her to be heartbroken in the end.
He knew he couldn't love her. But how come he can't? He just can't; it's as if love has never grown in his heart, as he lives his life and physique in such stillness. But he was well aware of the tingling sensation and the feeling of numerous butterflies buzzing around inside his stomach whenever he gets close to her, whenever he watches the beautiful toothy smile creeping over her full lips, whenever he watches her eyes close when she laughs, whenever she eats with satisfaction, and whenever she plays with bam.
He realised he was going to be a loser, a loser in this game of love and business. Nonetheless, he is working hard not to breach the unseen wall of firmness that surrounds him. Nonetheless, he is resolute about continuing to ignore his wife, even if he hates it and feels horrible about it. Perhaps he'll try to console her? Only if she lets him.
Perhaps the winds of time would wash away his insecurities, doubts, and unsettling emotions for her. Perhaps he would begin to give space to the emotion of dumb love. But for the time being, he genuinely wanted to take care of her, to take care of her worries and difficulties, to paint stars around her misery and scars, even if it was just as a friend, but he wanted to do it no matter what.
While he rethought everything in his mind, oblivious to the heaviness of his eyelids causing him to close them together, he drifted off to sleep, slipping onto an ocean of serenity and stillness.
__________________________________
It was already morning and he roused to Bam barking at his face to wake him up; perhaps he had overslept, although that had never occurred before. "Why would you even bother to wake me up like that?" As he said this, he looked at Bam, who was now rolling across the bed on his back, almost as if ignoring him, making him scoff, "yeah, wake me up by giving me a heart attack, and wake her up so lovingly yeah?" I know who my favourite is now!"
He rushed inside the washroom after Bam dashed out, conducting his morning routine and wearing the clothing he had ironed the night before. He has been self-sufficient since the age of nineteen. Laundry, cooking, cleaning, and everything else relating to him. In summary, he never wanted to be reliant, whether in life or in business.
When he came out of the lavatory, he was surprised to see Y/n and Bam standing in the middle of his room, gawking at him as he narrowed his brow in perplexity and asked for narration. "Do you need anything?" As he stood still in front of the large mirror on the left wall of his room, he sought, processing to secure his tie around his neck.
