lady stardust.

25. never felt so alone

It had been a few months since their talk. Things began to progress a bit and Ziggy was happy. But then it got thrown back to square one after a few weeks, and Ziggy felt empty again. She knew he was feeling depressed, and she's tried to help him many times but he never wanted her help. The only help he wanted was his own or a half drunk bottle.

He often drank himself to the point of unconsciousness, and everyone was beginning to grow tired of his behavior, especially Ziggy and Nebula as everyone relied on them to pick him up. Ziggy, as his girlfriend, and Nebula with her being the physically strongest to carry him. Ziggy wondered why no one asked Mantis to talk to him as his sister. That was actually something Ziggy was still getting used to, knowing they were siblings, but Ziggy was happy for them. Maybe it'd give Peter the comfort she couldn't.

"Ziggy," A voice drifted through her headphones, as she hummed her music while she worked. She was listening to Abba, she was pretty sure. "Ziggy!"

She pulled the earbud from her ear and turned, glancing to see Rocket. "What?"

"It's Quill again."

Ziggy sighed, pausing her music before pocketing the device and wrapping her earbud cords around her neck. "Is he in the kitchen again?"

"Where else would he be?" Rocket asked.

"This is getting to be too much." She muttered.

"Tell me about it." Rocket agreed.

"I get needing a coping mechanism. But when you're our leader, you can't drink yourself stupid every day." Ziggy shook her head, and they knew the unspoken part — you can't be partners with someone too.

The duo trekked across Knowhere to where the bar was, and Ziggy glanced through the window to find a half-passed out Peter on the counter. Ziggy sighed, glancing down at Rocket. "I got it, you can go."

"Lemme know if you need anything." He salutes her before walking off.

She walked inside, sitting across from Peter at the table. "Hey Pete, how are you doing?"

"Great," He says, giving her a sideways thumbs up.

"I'm gonna take you back to your room, okay?" Ziggy stood as he hummed in response, and she hoisted his arm over her shoulder as she carried him out the door. She hated this, carrying him to his room every other night as she juggled the responsibility with Nebula.

"Ziggy? Is that you?" He asked, as she lowered him into his bed. It hurt that he couldn't even see her, and she hid her frown. ""M sorry, I've been shitty to everyone."

Ziggy shook her head. She wanted to say it was okay, but it wasn't. Instead she remained silent and looked at him.

"It's just you said you'd work on it. But it's been a few months and I've gotten no progress. I love you but I can't..."

"Can't what?"

"I can't do this if you're not going to try. I've tried myself but you didn't try back. You're acting like I'm still dead even though I'm here, I've been here, and its been two years."

"It's not my fault you're so dependent on me." He mutters, ruffling his hair.

"Excuse me?" Ziggy asks, furrowing her eyebrows at him.

"Why does it matter what I do? We're adults. We can be seperate."

"That's not what I'm saying. You're avoiding having an actual conversation with me." Ziggy argued.

"Maybe I don't want to. Maybe we're just not working out." He said, looking up at her.

Ziggy's heart shattered then; knowing where this was going. He seemed very adamant on it, no matter how much Ziggy wanted to try. He was really going to throw away so much time just like that?

"What do you mean?" Ziggy asked, her voice sounding so small as she stuttered.

"Maybe it's best if we spend some time apart. We can still work together for the team, but otherwise..."

Ziggy blinked multiple times, willing herself not to cry in front of him. She told herself it was just the depression and alcoholism that he didn't want anyone else seeing him destroy himself; but that's what Ziggy was there for. To help him in his worst moments. Instead, he was pushing her away.

"You're breaking up with me?" Her voice was barely an audible whisper. Then, louder, "After all this time? Everything we've been through together, and how long it took us to get together?"

"You're making this out to be way worse than it is." Peter frowned.

"Yeah, because you're throwing away an eleven year long relationship for no reason."

Neither of them brought up the fact that it was only technically six with the blip involved.

"Maybe we can reevaluate after sometime?" Peter offers, his face scrunched together as he looks at her.

Ziggy only shook her head turning to the side. She bit her lip, still blinking furiously. She swung her arms as she moved, trying to not freak out.

"Z," Peter started, sensing her panic rising.

She spun around to him, pointing a finger at him as tears pricked her eyes. "No, no Z. You don't get to call me that anymore."

She then turned again, making a beeline for his door and pulling it open. She stepped outside without saying another word to him and closed the door, stifling a sob as she walked down the hall.

"Hey, Ziggy-! Ziggy?" Rocket asked, watching her as she rushed down the hall. He glanced down toward Peter's closed door then back at Ziggy, his face falling as he realized what had probably happened. "Ah, shit."

He followed after her, climbing up the stairs toward the girls' rooms. Halfway up the stairs she stopped and sunk to the ground, curling on the stairs as her shoulders shook from her sobs. Rocket, awkwardly, didn't know how to comfort her. He only stood there with a twisted expression, glancing anxiously between both stairways hoping someone else would come along to help.

"Erm, what happened?" He eventually asked, realizing no one was coming to his rescue.

Ziggy shook her head, wiping the tears away. "You don't have to pretend to care."

"Why wouldn't I?" Sure, he wasn't the best with comforting people, but Ziggy was still family.

She looked up at him and coughed slightly. "Uh, we..." Her lip wobbled again. "I was helping him back to his room and... he broke up with me."

"Shit, I'm sorry. What for?"

"Said I was too codependent. Maybe I am... I dunno." Ziggy murmured, looking down.

"Hey no, you're not codependent, isn't it kinda hard not to be when you're always in close quarters?" Rocket offered.

Ziggy shrugged. "I can't do this. I can't... especially when we're still on the team. How can I be at all remotely professional with him?"

"I'm sure we can work it out to where you can work with us more instead. We'll put Drax with him or something."

Ziggy choked out a laugh. "Yeah, I guess."

"Don't worry about it, I'm sure things will work out in the end. Listen, if you ever need anything, you know you can always come to us. Even if it's to talk." Rocket told her.

Ziggy stared at him, slightly surprised he was being so nice. "I know, thanks."

"Erm, do you want anything? Assuming you're going to your room. Like a coffee or something?"

"Yeah, that'd be nice." She nodded.

"Got it, I'll be there." He gave her a thumbs up before leaving quickly, leaving Ziggy alone on the stairs. Once he was fully gone, she covered her eyes and sunk further on the stairs, blinking away the tears.