"Watch your step, honey." It comes out as a whisper as Jerry and I trail down the hallway, past all the artwork until we reach the little "party room" at the end of the hall.
"I got it," he holds up his hand, telling me to step back and let him do things for himself.
He has to remind me to do that just about everyday. I don't know if it's the fact that I have so much love in my heart for him, or maybe it's simply the wife in me that wants to help him do daily tasks almost constantly. And that might sound a little strange, especially since I put him in a nursing home at only fifty- nine... But I couldn't do it all the time
We spent almost six months, just the two of us at home, trying to figure out medications, sleeping arrangements and his mind that seemed to be drifting more and more each day. It was a roller coaster of emotion and anger that I couldn't seem to manage. He would wake up somedays and be the nicest person ever, then there were days that he'd yell at me, accuse our daughters of stealing from us and get mad when our grandchildren would "stare"... I didn't know what else to do. I feel like I tried- I really think I did as best as I could, though it just wasn't enough and sometimes it isn't. This was the best option for him and it still is.
"Alright," I move back just a tad to give him enough space to walk through door all by himself.
He chuckles the moment his eyes scan over the room, where our two grandchildren have created their own, personal jungle gym, while our girls cut the cake and both of their significant others try their best to settle the kids. It's just the eight of us, though I pondered for a long time if I wanted to invite our friends and other family members... I figured it would be a better birthday if it was just us- all the loves of my life in one room and that's it. That's what we need right now.
I sneak around him once Presley's husband takes Jerry by the arm to help him into a chair, while Joplin's boyfriend- Brady, immediately starts up conversation with my husband. All three of them like a lot of the same things- they like all sports, but mostly football and cars... not really Jerry, but Ben is all about that shit and the other two will go along with it. They keep him occupied in a way I can't sometimes, which I'm very thankful for in more ways than one.
"Grandma, look what I made grandpa!" Marissa's got the cutest little face and the sweetest little voice I've heard since Presley was that young. "It's a pot." She assures, flashing a smile as she displays the flower pot that looks like... like art work only a four year old could create.
I gasp playfully, bending down to be at her level. "I bet he is going to love that, sweet girl." I know he will- he's loved everything the kids have made him, even if it occasionally takes him a moment to recall.
"I made grandpa one too!" Alex pipes in, holding up the one he made as well... He's six, but his is still worse than his little sisters.
I giggle softly, giving him a gentle wink. "Why don't you go give them to him?" I motion towards the three men, sitting across the room.
They both suddenly quiet down almost instantly, "I'm scared." Marissa whispers, eyes incredibly sad.
My heart sinks as I reach out to pull her into my arms. "There's nothing to be scared of." Kissing the top of her head, I feel her wrap her arms around my neck.
"What if he gets upset?" She's seen him lose his temper- never with them, but mostly with me. And he doesn't mean to, but sometimes things just become so frustrating for him. He isn't mean, he's simply stuck.
Joplin's hand meets my back, causing me to pull away from my girl. "Come on," she holds out her hand for Marissa, a very sweet smile dancing across her gorgeous face. "I'll take you to him." She tangles a hand within each of the kids, moving in the direction of her father.
"Do you want to take some of these to the nurses, or should I?" Presley looks over her shoulder, eyes meeting mine as I stand back up. "I'm sure those ladies would love some cake too." She has preached about how wonderful these women are from the moment her dad entered this facility, but that's because they've all been so understanding and reassuring for our family. They've become apart of our daily lives in just eight months- it's amazing.
Nodding my head, "I'll take them," I need to get out of this room- it becomes a bit much sometimes. "You go sit with them, huh? Maybe you can tell daddy about your new promotion." I raise a brow, a little giggle following my words.
Presley's face turns a deep shade of red as she grins again. "Maybe," she shrugs, knowing very well that she probably won't mention it today... or ever.
I wait until she's found herself on the couch next to Ben and then I slip out the door, back into the hallway with two hands full of cake plates. "Oh, there you are." I give Ali a smile as she heads my way.
"I knew there was chocolate cake somewhere around here." She jokes, one hand on her hip as the other carries her clipboard.
Holding up one of the plates, I scrunch up my nose. "All for you, Miss Ali." I repeat the name that both my grandchildren call her- Presley thinks it's very appropriate to use titles on adults. She likes a lot of structure, kind of like her father.
"Oh, you're my favorite." She smirks, taking her cake carefully. "Misty is going to be so jealous." She's talking about the second nurse that's in and out a lot throughout the day- also a very sweet soul.
I roll my eyes playfully, shaking my head softly.
"She's down here," Ali motions towards the other end of the hall- the way she was headed before I caught her.
"Perf-" my words get cut short when I turn on my heel just to bump right into someone else. "Oh my gosh!" I gasp, eyes wide as I take in the frosting and the chocolate that's literally smeared all over his shirt. "I am so-"
"Are you okay?" He asks, bending down to pick up the plate off the floor.
"I'm fine, are you? I'm so sorry." I say it so fast, but I can seriously feel my heart pounding as embarrassed floods my insides.
He chuckles, blue eyes melting into mine the moment he stands back up. "I'm good," he assures, looking from me towards Ali and then back to me. "I'm Lindsey," he holds out his hand, but then he realizes he has frosting all over it, so he lets it drop with another laugh.
I giggle, shaking my head lightly. "I'm Stevie and I'm really sorry."
