One week later
Sinking into the leather couch, my eyes stay glued on the white carpet as the inevitable sound of silence engulfs me. There are people still lingering throughout the house, but I've seemed to shut out all the commotion, slipping deep into my own thoughts.
Gone. I can not believe that he's actually gone... Forever.
It's been a week full of emotion, especially after Presley got home. We spent that night sitting in the living room, going through old pictures from photo albums I've had at the bottom of my closet for years. And there were so many memories.
I still had old polaroids of us on our honeymoon to Jamaica and on the day we bought the six acres that he'd eventually build me the house I dreamt of when I was a little girl... The house on the hill in a subdivision, so that our kids could play with the neighbors until the street lights came on.
He gave me everything I had ever wanted. Three beautiful children, a life where I never had to worry, and was even gifted the stability and freedom to be a writer. And then suddenly, with a sad heart, I'm reminded of the fact that I didn't thank him enough, appreciate him like I should have and I definitely didn't tell him that I loved him like I do.
I can feel the couch cushion shift, which pulls me back into reality before she speaks. "It's gonna be okay." Joplin repeats the same words I've been telling her for the last few days... It will eventually be okay and I know that.
I've pulled myself out of much deeper sadness before and I know I'll do it again, but I just need time to adjust.
This is new and I hate new.
Letting out a gentle sigh, Lori collapses into the accent chair across the room and I just now realize that the house has grown pretty empty.
There were a million people in and out after the service- it felt like the world would never slow down just an hour ago and now it's just us... Just all my kids and my really close family and friends treading through the house.
"I'm so tired." I whisper, tears streaming down my face in the matter of mere seconds... I've been doing this a lot lately.
"You should probably eat something... you haven't eaten all day." Presley's standing in the center of the living room, wearing the same black dress she wore to a dinner we threw after my book signing a few months ago.
Creasing a brow, I glance around the room at all the people I love and then my eyes settle on Alex and Marissa, who are working strenuously to put together a puzzle... not a care in the world, which I'm sort of thankful for. Their still a little too young to quite to understand the sadness that's floating around this room at this moment.
"You guys can go ahead and eat dinner without me, okay?" Pushing myself up off the couch, a deep breath of air escapes me. "I'm gonna go lay down for little while." I assure stepping over Joplins legs to head out of the living room.
"We love you, mom." Presley's eyes are so heavy from all the tears. My poor girl.
Nodding my head softly, I pause in the doorway for a short moment. "I love you all and thank you." I can feel a lump in my throat begin to form, so I turn back on my heel to head up the stairs before I break down for the millionth time.
But I know I'm not alone- no, I can hear the sound of feet close behind. And I'm right, because the moment I fall into my bed, the door slowly creeps open yet again.
"We couldn't leave you all alone." Sharon smiles softly, sneaking into the room right ahead of Lori.
I can't help but giggle, reaching over to toss some of my throw pillows on the floor next to the bed. "Come join me?" I know that they're going to either way, and I really couldn't ask for a better snuggle bunnies right now.
"Of course," Lori returns the grin as they both crawl onto the bed.
We sit in a comfortable silence for a complete of minutes. Sometimes no words isn't always the worst thing in the world... I'm thankful for this. I'm so incredibly thankful to have these women here, not only for this, but for everything in between.
Like I've said, they've been with me through thick and thin. I mean, Sharon was the one that helped sign me into a rehab facility and then they'd take turns driving me back and forth... I don't think they believed that I'd go if it were up to me and they were probably right.
They just understand me and right now, I need that... I need people who know me, my flaws, my past, and still seem to love me despite it all.
"You're so strong, Stevie." Sharon's laying at the end of the bed, eyes glued on the chandler hanging above us.
"The strongest woman I know." Lori replies, running her fingers through my hair, gently messaging my scalp.
Closing my eyes gently, I bit down on my lower lip. I'm not that strong, at least I don't always feel that way.
"Let's go somewhere." I sit up rather quickly, hair in knots from Lori as my eyes melt into Sharon's.
"It's kinda late..." she wrinkles up her nose, looking over at the alarm clock next to the bed. "I don't think there's anything open to get ice cream or something." She lets off a sad expression as her shoulders fall flat in mild disappointment.
Shaking my head, I sink back into the headboard. "I mean let's go on trip... an adventure." I don't really know where this idea came from, but it sounds so good right now.
Sharon's eyes meet Lori's for a split second and I know what they're both thinking- I'm crazy. "I don't know if it's the right time." Sharon has always been the thinker- the wise old owl, but right now, I don't want to think logically... That's too boring.
"It's the first time in forever since we've all been single." I can't remember the last time we did something spontaneous as a group... It was far before I was married, that's for sure.
"You have so much stuff to work through here right now." Lori's right- I do have a lot to take care of, but it can wait.
"If you don't wanna go with me, then I'll go by myself."
