"I'm sorry." I whisper, tears blurring my vision as I slide down the wall. I can feel my hands begin to shake, while my knees meet my chest as a form of failed security.
"I need you to talk to me, Steph." Kneeling down slowly, he takes one of my hands in his, moving it to side gently just to catch a glimpse of my face.
"Stop, please." I whine, closing my eyes as my stomach twists in knots.
"What happened?" His deep green eyes sink into mine as he tries to pull me into his arms.
Using my two hands, I push him away, heart pounding a mile a minute. "I don't know!" I can't help but yell as I try vigorously to find my balance.
Grabbing ahold of my wrist, he yanks me back down to the floor. And I can see it in his eyes- I can see the shift and his demeanor in just a split second. "If you would have been paying more attention, this wouldn't have happened." His grip tightens, tugging me in closer, which sends chills up my spine.
"Please, stop." I whisper, turning my face to the side in hopes I won't have to stare at him a moment longer.
"You're a pathetic mother." He mumbles, still holding my arm in his hand. "And an even worse wife."
~
"Mom?" Presley's gentle tone causes me to jump up, heart racing as I quickly glance around the room. "Settle down," sinking into the mattress next to me, her hand meets the side of my face softly. "Are you having another nightmare?" She frowns, a light sigh escaping her a moment later.
Nodding, I slide up the headboard, using my hand to pat the dampness under my eyes. "It was nothing, dear." I assure, though I can still feel the pounding in the pit of my stomach.
"Good," Reaching out, she pushes some of my loose strands behind my ear. "I heard someone has a lunch..." she lingers for a second, obviously trying to find the right words. "A lunch thingy." She smirks, using her hand to hold herself up as the other rests in her lap.
Shrugging my shoulders, I don't want to make it seem like some big deal, because it isn't, not at all. It's two people, who are both going through the same situation, simply being there for one another... That's all.
It's kind of like a support group, but we're supporting over food and there's only two of us. No big deal.
"That's so great, mom." She must talk to her sister an awful lot, because they're really starting to sound a lot alike.
"I know," I nod my head, getting ready to pull back my comforter to crawl out of bed.
But just as I start to shift under the covers, the sound of pitter-pattering feet catch my attention. "Grandma!" They both shout, hurrying towards the edge of the bed for a boost.
"Hi, there!" I pull Marissa into my arms quickly, kissing the side of her face before I do the same with Alex.
"They couldn't wait to get over here and see you." Presley pipes in, falling backwards onto the foot of the bed as her children begin to bounce around us.
Leaning back further, a soft smile dances across my face. "I'm so glad."
~
Stumbling over a shoe, I let out a quiet groan... I swear, your kids move out, get their own homes and lives, but the moment they come to visit- it's like you've caught yourself in a time warp- cleaning up after them, tripping over their things and even cooking for them. It's amazing to me.
"How does this look?" Trailing into the kitchen, I tug at the hem of my dress...
"Hot mama." Joplin jokes, popping a grape into her mouth, even through a big smile.
Presley turns in the bar stool, a smirk trailing across her face. "You get prettier each day," she's really flattering... she gets it from her dad.
"I don't want to come off that way..." I linger, scrunching up my nose softly as I recall Joplin's comment.
I don't want to seem like I'm trying to acquire the wrong kind of attention. I don't want to be hot- I want to be mature and married... Nothing more, or nothing less.
"You're gorgeous, mom." Joplin agrees, letting off a warm smile as she slides onto the stool next to her sister. "I'm sure you guys will have a wonderful time." She adds, pushing her bowl of fruit in front of Presley to share.
Swallowing hard, I can feel myself grow a little tense.
This doesn't seem right, it really doesn't... I haven't gone on a date in over thirty years- I don't think I know how to socialize with a man that isn't my husband. I'm nervous that we're going to get there and share four words, because we don't know what to talk about other than the news and the weather... I don't want that- I'd rather sit at home alone then force myself to sit through that.
Just then, right as the minute hand meets the one, the doorbell rings throughout the house. "Okay, bye- bye." Grabbing my purse off the chair, I hurry through the room, thankful the boys took the kids to the park for awhile- four less people I have to worry about trying to strike up conversation with Lindsey. "Hi," Pulling open the front door, I slip outside, where the mid day sun is hanging high in the sky.
He's standing on the first step, one hand in his pocket as the other reaches out to help me down. "You look stunning." He announces, watching as I take each stair carefully... wouldn't it just be hilarious if I fell and made a fool out of myself in front of him AGAIN?
"Thank you," I giggle lightly, following him as he heads around the car.
Pulling open the passenger side door for me, he lets off a gentle smile as I slide into the car. And once I start to settle in, I find myself giving an internal pep talk. I know I can do this- I know I can be my own person outside of being a wife and a mother, I just have to remind myself how... That's all.
"You ready?" He smirks lightly, turning around in the driveway before we pull through the courtyard.
Chuckling lightly, I glance over at his side profile. "Yes," I am- I think I really am ready for this.
"Cool," he grins as the car comes to a short stop at the end of the driveway. "I was wondering if you'd be cool with taking a little road trip?" He asks, lips still turned up.
Raising a brow, I can't help but smile in return. "A road trip?" I linger, mind drifting back to all the scary movies I've literally ever watched... Road trips with a stranger aren't usually recommend.
"There's this cool bar up the coast that I think you'd really like." He assures, deep storms meeting mine yet again.
Biting down on my lower lip, I give him a nod. "Sounds fun."
I might still get anxious around him, but I would be lying if I said that I didn't feel safe with him... He seems adventurous and that's exactly what I need at this point in my life.
