~
Sitting on the other side of the glass, I readjust the stupid headphones for the tenth time in just minutes. Trying to recount the moments leading up to this... How did I get stuck here, singing in front of a group of people who have spent forever in the studio? I don't know, but it's so embarrassing.
I can't decide if I'm actually nervous to sing, or if I'm just nervous for Lindsey to hear me.
Such a small world, really. I figured that I could dodge him for awhile, or maybe even the rest of my life. I mean, California's a huge state, the chances of just "running in to" someone aren't all that likely, are they? I don't know, but of course, like all other inconvenience scenarios, this one fell right into lap... shocking.
"You look so adorable, mom." Joplin's leaning against the soundboard, talking to me through a little microphone.
"Okay, enough." I mumble, trying to avoid eye contact with Lindsey, who is standing just feet away from her on the other side.
I feel awkward. I feel like my role has been reversed and now I'm the child and Joplin's the overbearing mother... I'm going to hide in office forever when this is over.
"We're ready when you are, Stevie." Lindsey assures, a soft wink following his words.
Swallowing the lump in my throat, my eyes melt into his. There so blue, so gorgeous. I could fall in love with those eyes every morning, yet they infuriate me at the moment.
Sighing heavily, I can feel my stomach twist into tight knots as I look back down at sheet music that Joplin copied from an old, wrinkled up piece of notebook paper.
I can still remember the night I wrote this song... It meant nothing and I figured, like most poems I've written in my life, that it would stay tucked away deep inside one of my journals.
I guess not.
"I'm ready," I half whisper, hoping they don't hear me; maybe if I just sit here, they'll all get bored and we'll just be able to move on.... Pretend like this never even happened.
But I can't get that lucky... of course not, it would be too easy.
~Lindsey~
Smiling lightly, I lean back in my chair, eyes locked on her. She's sitting in the booth, hair pushed back
behind her ears as she reads over her lyrics quietly... She's beautiful, but I can tell that she's anxious, which isn't what I was going for. Not at all.
I guess I didn't really take into account that she might be a little shy.
We all wait patiently for a couple more minutes, watching her squirm around in hopes she'll get comfortable. "I don't really think this is for me." Stevie's hands meet the headphones, pulling them off her ears to set them aside.
"No pressure, mom." Joplin assures, shaking her head softly as she turns back to glance at the rest of the guys, who are all much more enticed with whatever conversation they've managed to conjure up in the last couple of minutes.
Joplin's a lot like Stevie, more so than I think I had originally realized. They're both incredibly humble women- soft, calm and a little eccentric. It's like magic and peace on an endless loop when they're in the room.
Clearing her throat, Stevie's voice fills the room yet again. "Lindsey?" And for the first time in what seems like forever, her deep brown orbs melt into mine. "Can I talk to you?" She's already sliding off the stool, stumbling over the cords and wires laying around the room. "Alone." She adds, raising a brow sharply.
Biting down on the inside of my mouth, I can feel myself grow very anxious, very quickly... I've been married for a lot of years and I know that look- that look is the look of anger. "Of course," glancing over at Joplin, I slip out of my chair. "You can go ahead, start doing some warm ups and we'll be back." I mean, I hope I make it back, but the look in her eyes tells me it might be a struggle.
It's only a second later when I find myself leading her down the hall to my office, the only sound is the clicking her heels make each time she takes a step... Scary, I know.
"You have a lot of nerve." She announces the second she closes the door behind us.
Leaning back, I take a seat on the edge of my desk as my eyes scan her face.
God, I'm in love with that woman.
"You could have said you didn't want to sing before you even sat down in there." I half smile, watching as she rests both hands on her hips and then slouches to the side.
"You knew that she was my daughter." I can see this look in her eyes that tells me that she isn't really mad, she's just upset.
It isn't hard to tell that Stevie runs the show in her family. She's the center, like most mothers should be.
"I haven't met very many Joplin's." I let out a little laugh, but the moment I realize that she doesn't think this is very funny, I pipe down. "I had no idea that she would try to talk you into coming to hang out down her." Shrugging, I shake my head softly.
"You told her, didn't you?" Suddenly her voice grows incredibly quiet, gorgeous brown eyes glazed over with a glassy tint.
Sighing heavily, I can feel my heart start beating a little faster. "You wouldn't return any of my phone calls, Stevie." Letting my hands meet my knees, I push myself off the desk.
"You didn't have the right to tell her anything, Lindsey." Flinging her arms out to her sides, she scoffs quietly.
"What was I supposed to do?" I ask, accidentally scrunching up my nose... the last thing I want to do is piss her off with facial expressions. "Was I just suppose to go the rest of my life without ever finding out if we could have made this work." The truth is, the thought of never seeing her, never talking to her, or never getting the chance to love her ever again really scares me.
Trying to hide the few tears rolling down her cheek, Stevie brings her hand up to her face, pushing some loose curls behind her ear. "You should take care of the things that are truly important in your life," she says that like she isn't one of those things- like she doesn't realize that I fell madly in love with her in the months leading up to this moment.
"I am..." I mumble, because that's true. I am worried about something very important and it just so happens to be her.
"You have a wife that loves you and you need to focus on loving her."
"It's really hard loving someone who doesn't love you back."
