~Joplin~
"So you're the guy that she's been going out with?" I have to clarify, only because I feel like he's jumped around so much in the last ten minutes.
That's why we call him Skippy.
Nodding his head, Lindsey stares at me with these very gentle eyes from across the table. "We've been hanging out, yeah." He says it like it was just some mundane outings, but I can tell by the look in his eyes, she's much more than that to him.
My mom is much more than that to everyone and anyone that's blessed enough to know her.
Sinking down in the chair, my eyes travel from him back towards the pictures of rock singers hanging along his office walls.
I knew she was seeing someone- she told me about him... not a ton, not even his name, but I knew enough to understand that he made her happy. The happiest I think I've seen her in a long, long time. And she deserves it, more than anyone I know.
"I haven't talked to her in a couple of weeks and..." he breaks the silence that's quickly engulfed us, probably hoping it doesn't become as awkward as it could be. "And I'm worried about her." He adds, eyes meeting mine, yet it doesn't really seem that way. He seems lost.
"Umm," sighing heavily, I cross one leg over the other, trying to get a little more comfortable, even though I feel extremely out of place. "My mom is in Aruba with a couple of her close friends, Lindsey." I don't know what else I'm supposed to say- I don't know the dynamics of their relationship and a part of me doesn't want to.
My mom tells me the things she wants me to hear- it's always been like that. She's always been a protector in a way that no one else can even compare to. She can hide all the ugly parts of life very well, she's done it for years. And while I think it's odd that she didn't go into much depth when it came to her new friend, I know she's trying to shield us from the entire truth.
She doesn't have to tell me everything that happens in her life and I don't need to know it all. That's just how it is.
He opens his mouth, getting ready to say something but then he pauses, words obviously not doing him justice.
"She left ten days ago and she won't be home until Sunday." I know he didn't ask, but I can tell he wants to know and I want him to know.
"I miss her." He admits, a heavy sigh filling the empty air around us.
I can feel my stomach drop as I start to search for the right words, but sometimes words just fail us. "My mom is very complicated," I half whisper, trying hard not to sound as if I'm totally throwing her under the bus.
I've always thought my mom hung the moon, I still do, but that doesn't mean she feels the same way about herself. She's one of those people who blame themselves for the things that just can't be changed nor altered... She can't always save us and I think that's where most of her inner troubles come from.
He half smirks- he probably knows that she's like a rainstorm... she's comforting and usually gentle, but sometimes, on the rare occasion, she's havoc.
"She's an amazing woman." He's a very soft spoken man, but more so when he's talking about my mom.
Raising a brow, my heart starts beating a little quicker. "She's been through a lot, Lindsey," I can feel my voice crack when those words leave my mouth; maybe because I don't talk about it, or maybe it's because I don't know how. "She just needs time," I give him a shrug, "And after she clears her mind, spends some time finding herself again, I'm sure she'll back to normal." I don't think that's necessarily the right word- she will never be the same person she was when I first began to associate her as "normal."
I used to think everything she did was magical and most of the time, I still do. But I can still remember, when we were small, Presley and I would sneak downstairs late at night and watch her dance in the kitchen. She loves to dance, which is a trait that she, so graciously passed on to us. She would also spend hours outside with us, helping Presley tumble, or do kart wheels, while Hendrix and I would see who could swim around the pool the fastest, begging her to time us. She loved that more than anything, I think.
But most of our lives, I thought she was the ideal mother- a woman who never ceased to amaze me. However, over time, things change. People change.
"Lindsey, she has problems." I can't sugar coat everything, even if I so desperately want to. "And as much as I want to give you the low down, I just don't know how."
~Stevie~
Sitting out on the balcony, my eyes stay glued on the moon dangling in the center of what seems like a million stars. I can't remember the last time I witnessed a moon this bright, this vocal... almost feels like it's trying to tell me something.
It might be. Maybe it's trying to tell me that I need to go home- there's nothing, or no one in Aruba, or anywhere else in the entire world that's waiting for me. And the thing is, I know that. I know that leaving isn't always the answer, but it always seems so easy.
It's kind of like that old saying, "out of sight, out of mind," yet it doesn't seem to work, because home is the only thing on my mind.
Home and Lindsey, of course.
It's funny, or maybe it isn't; maybe it's wrong- I don't know, but I felt this insane amount of guilt when I stepped on the dance floor with another man earlier this evening... I didn't feel that way with Lindsey, not for one second.
It felt right when we were dancing out by the ocean that night, just the two of us. I didn't feel like I was going anything wrong, even though I was very much married. But tonight, I had this feeling like I was betraying Lindsey.
There are some moments in life where we wish we could turn back the clock and redo things... Falling in love with Lindsey isn't one of those moments for me and I can't try to make it one.
