"I've missed you." Jenny gives me a sweet smile, pushing some of her curls behind her ear as she waits patiently.
"I've missed you, pretty woman." I let off a gentle wink as I kiss the top of her head. "I brought you some pick-me-up." Setting her coffee down on the stand next to her, I take a look at her plants in the windowsill.
"I have a favor... and you're gonna be annoyed." She knows that's not true- I've found myself pretty lenient lately.
"Anything, baby." Turning on the faucet, I get a little water ready for Elaine and Ronnie- her two spider plants.
"Will you paint my nails?" Curling her lips to one side, she dangles the pale pink polish out.
Chuckling lightly, I give her a nod. "Of course, I will." Using my foot, I pull a chair from the small little kitchen table close to her. "You look so pretty," I think she does, always but a little extra today.
Giggling softly, she crosses one leg over the other before holding out her left hand for me to take. "How are things at the studio?" She has never been that interested in music, but there was never a time where she wasn't interested in what I had to talk about.
We used to lay in bed for hours talking about our day. She used to teach- the best middle school history teacher California has ever had, or maybe I'm just bias- I don't know. But anyway, she would tell me all about her students and I would tell her all about the new musicians getting ready to sign contracts and making records... She has always been a good listener, which I'll forever be grateful for.
"It's been alright." I assure, trying my best to keep the polish on the nail part and not on the skin part. This shit is harder than it looks... I'd rather curl hair, but I won't complain.
"I talked to Dan yesterday morning," she half smiles, thumb running back and forth across my fingers as I try to really concentrate on this. I've never been good at coloring inside the lines.
"Oh, yeah?" I glance up at her for a moment and then my eyes drop back down her dainty little hands.
"He told me that you have a promising group of young people spending an awful lot of time in the there." Jenny has this very soft voice, even when she's angry, though that only happens once in a blue moon. She's just gentle- the total opposite of me.
Nodding my head, I motion towards her book sitting in between her and the arm of the chair. "What are you reading?" I want to talk about anything other than that, anything that doesn't remind me of Stevie.
"Oh," using the hand I haven't painted quite yet, she holds it up to show me. "You remember that writer that you met a couple of weeks ago?" She lingers, which immediately causes me sink further into the chair.
I can't get anyway from her, even if I want to.
~Stevie~
"Aruba, Jamaica, oh I want to take you." Lori's sitting on the floor in foyer, eyes half open as she repeats the lyrics in the tone of The Beach Boys... I'm pretty sure she went to bed singing that song as well.
"Bermuda, Bahama, come on pretty mama." Sharon continues as she rolls her suitcase across the hardwood floor.
Sighing lightly, my eyes wander from the girls to the picture sitting on the stand by the closest door. It's been hard- really hard to get back into the swing of normality. I always seem to forget that life has to keep going, even when it feels like world has completely stopped turning. Or maybe I stopped turning- who knows... I feel like I don't know anything anymore.
The only thing I'm a hundred percent certain on at this moment in my life is that I haven't felt this way in a really long time.
I feel alone- like floating in outer space alone. And I'm not alone, I know that. I have the greatest support system I could ever ask for- I mean, Lori and Sharon have totally pushed pause on their life to go on some crazy, spur of the moment trip to Aruba with me. What could be more supportive than that?
I know that I'm not alone, yet it feels like the only thing I can count on is tequila... and Lindsey.
I keep replaying that morning over and over again in my mind. I love him, I really do, which means I have to make sacrifices. I don't know what he needs, I don't get to decide that, but I do know what he's going through.
He loves his wife- I can tell by the way he talks about her and by his devotion to be there for her, to take care of her. And what I said is exactly how I feel, I don't want him to wake up one day and realize that loving someone else just isn't right, or maybe not even worth it.
I certainly don't feel that way about him, but I would be devastated if he felt that way about me. So maybe I'm being selfish; maybe I'm just trying to protect myself from heartbreak. Whatever is it- it doesn't feel right, but it feels necessary.
"Are you sure you ladies are going to be okay all alone?" Ben half smirks, picking up a couple of our suitcases to take out to the car.
When they said that they'd stay a of couple days, who would have thought it would end up being a week and half vacation at their mamas...?
Pushing myself up off the chair, I give him a weak smile as they all start throwing jokes around the room. "Good morning, my beauties." I slip into the kitchen, where both my daughters are moving around one another to make coffee, and get snacks, and everything else that seems fitting at four in the morning.
"Morning," Presley half smirks, cradling her mug as she leans into the counter.
"I'm gonna miss you," Joplin gives me a soft frown, which causes my heart to sink almost immediately.
"I'm gonna miss you." I repeat her words, also giving them a stubble wink.
"But you need this." She replies, a shrug following her worlds.
She knows how I've been feeling, we talked about it.... She's the only person I can truly be honest with.
"I do," I agree, nodding my head softly. "But while I'm gone I want to make sure that you two are going to be okay." Last night, while I was laying in bed, I was seriously worried about leaving them so soon.
"We'll be fine, mom." Sliding around the island, Presley's hand falls on mine for a short moment. "Focus on taking care of yourself for the next two weeks."
