It's early the next morning when I find myself sitting in the living room, watching a million raindrops make their mark on the window pans as I recount everything that happened last night.
After our little kiss, we spent a couple more hours venturing through Disney and then, when he dropped me off, we sat out in his car and kissed more... a lot more. And that might sound kind of childish- sitting outside, making out in the car like a couple of hooligans, but it really didn't feel like that.
It's been a long time since a man has shown me much attention, especially in that type of way. Don't get me wrong, I'm definitely not yearning for that aspect of my life back, because I feel like I've grown to accept the fact that I'm just not as young, not as spontaneous and maybe even not as attractive as I was when I was in my twenties.... but Lindsey, oddly enough makes me feel as if I'm all of those things.
It felt right in a weird way, it really did. It seemed like that was normal, though I know, deep down that it wasn't.
There's this fine line between lust and morality- a line that I think we might have bypassed yesterday... though I don't think it was the worst thing in the world.
It was a thrill- a thrill that I needed much more than I had realized.
My train of thought comes to an end when the sound of the lock turning on the front door fills my ears. "Hello?" She lingers, heels hitting the hard wood floor before she slips out of them.
"I brought wine!" The other woman adds, a soft giggle following her words.
Biting down on my lower lip, I quickly slide out of the accent chair. "Shit," I whisper, wrapping my silk robe around myself a little tighter.
I totally forgot that we had planned to have a Friday afternoon card game- something we used to do almost religiously... before life changed, of course.
"There you are," Lori gives me a big smile the moment I step into the foyer. "Looking as dashing as ever." She winks playfully, probably wondering why I'm still in my nightgown at noon.... or maybe it doesn't even faze her anymore- who knows.
"Very," Sharon assures, wrapping an arm around my neck to kiss my cheek, though she still holds the wine safely with her other hand.
Letting out a quiet laugh, "I am so glad you're here, ladies." I am, truly.
It's been such a long time since I've completely surrounded myself with people I trust immensely. I mean, I spend a lot of time with my kids, but this is different... these women are different.
They know everything about me, my marriage, my kids, my personal life, my work. They've been through it all with me, and of course, undoubtedly, they're going to hear all about Lindsey.
"A date?!" Lori half gasps, shuffling the deck of cards as her eyes stay locked on me.
"She said two dates..." Sharon corrects with a gentle smirk as she swirls her wine glass.
Giggling softly, I sink into my chair a little further to cross one leg over the other. "We went out twice, yes." I assure, still kind of amazed at how enticed I am with him.... I never thought I could feel this way about another man.
And it isn't that I'm in love with him... no, I'm just stunned that there's someone else willing to make me feel like I'm the only woman in world, when I know very well that I'm not, especially not in his world.
"Did you enjoy yourself?" Sharon is the sentimental one- she really is. She is all about feelings, which has always been something I've confined in her over, because she's so understanding and appropriate... I need that sometimes.
"It's crazy, you guys." I can feel my heart beat quick as I try to find the right words. "But I can kinda feel this soft spot in my heart for him already and I don't think I'm supposed to." I admit, biting down on my lower as I look from Sharon towards Lori and then back down at my half empty glass of wine.
Lori sighs deeply, lips curling to one side before she conjures up a reply. "Well, it's only as friends, right?" Wrinkling her brows lightly, she stares at me quite intently.
"Oh, totally just friends." I don't want to tell them that we kissed... I have never done anything like that, ever.
I've been with the same man for almost forty years, though he didn't ask me to get married until I was in my late twenties. And I've been completely faithful to my husband since the moment we started dating my freshman year of college... I don't know what it's like to like another man and I know it's wrong to ever consider it at this point in my life and in my marriage.
"Just don't let Jerry find out," Sharon adds, shaking her head rather quickly as she goes through her hand of cards.
Raising a brow, "Definitely not." Lori pipes in, also very much so in the know of what would conspire if he did find out about my recent adventures... It would be ugly and that terrifies me more than anything.
"No, he won't."
~
It's late in the evening, after all the kids come over for dinner and a movie when I finally find some peace and quiet... I hate it.
I have always loved a house full of people, especially after becoming a mother. It was fun- three kids that constantly had things to do, places to be, parties to throw and sleepovers to have. It was exciting- if I could do it all over again, I would... Well, almost everything.
"Hi, Betta Midler." I bend down lightly, looking at Joplin's betta fish through the glass... something else I got stuck with when she moved out. "Are you hungry?" I ask, pouring a little flakey food in the bowl just as the sound of the phone ringing fills the house.
Hurrying down the hallway, I almost slide into the kitchen, where it's resting on the counter. "Hello?" Without even checking the call ID, I bring it up to my ear, almost certain it's Ali, telling me Jerry had another rough evening. I've gotten those calls a lot more than I'd like, sadly.
"Hi, Stevie." His voice causes my lips to turn up immediately. "It's Lindsey," he adds, a soft chuckle following his words.
Sinking back into the counter, I giggle in return. "Hi, there." My tone in voice gets so weird when I talk to him... I sound so seductive and I seriously don't intend to- it just happens and it's kind of annoying.
"How are you today?" He has such a gentle tone, which makes these butterflies flutter in the pit of stomach.
"I've been good," I reply, "How are you?" I have this undeniable fear that he's going to tell me that we shouldn't see each other again... Maybe I'm terrified that he wasn't all that impressed last night- I don't know.
"I'm great, but I've been thinking a lot about you." I can almost hear him smiling on the other end. "I can't stop thinking about how beautiful you are."
