The Chicken Zombies

Chapter 12-- And I Oop

"Um, actually, about the whole 'saving the world' thing..." Shakira mumbled as the car slowed to a stop.

"Shakira!" Abi scolded. "You mean to tell me that you drove like 300 mph all day all around Iowa and didn't bother to stop for gas once?"

Shakira shrugged. "And I oop."

"Ugh, ew, Shakira. Don't be a-" Dante shuddered. "VSCO girl."

"Mmkay I'll stop. Sorry, guys. I suppose I was in my own little world."

"So guys, we need to problem-solve," said Abi. She opened the door of the red SUV. "According to this sign, we are in Council Bluffs. And my phone says that we are..." She glared at Shakira. "Two hours from Jimville."

Dante burst into laughter.

"What's so funny?" Shakira exclaimed.

"It's just that..." she continued giggling. "I'm always the one that messes stuff up. But not today!" She cackled. "Today you, Shakira Bing, screwed everything up. Not me! And, you fell for the gay guy. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Shakira shoved Dante. "Oh, shut up!"

Suddenly, a car pulled over next to Dante, Shakira, and Abi. The three looked at one another, confused.

Shakira (the pessimist) thought: Oh crap what if it's Ronaldo Rosenpinis and his minions!!

Abi (the optimist) thought: OMG what if they came to save us!!

Dante (the dumb one) thought: What if it's Danny DeVito dressed as Jesus ready to free us of our sins?

But as the car door opened, the Dante and Shakira heard a familiar "GRAWWWWWWWWWW! I'LL KILL YOU, YOU DEW STEALERS!"

Shakira looked at Dante, and Dante looked back at Shakira. "RUN FOR IT!"

"Wait, what?" said Abi, confused, as she ran to keep up with the other two dummies. "Who is that guy?" She looked back. "And why is he so fat?"

(Hey, it's Pedro. Yes, that is the fat man from Chapter 4- Don't Dew the Dew. And yes, he is my fav so I totally had to bring him back. Enjoy!)

"That's the guy whose house we hid in!" panted Shakira.

"The one whose Dew we drank!" added Dante.

"What? Oh." Abi's eyes widened. "The fat man you told me about!"

"Exactly!" said Dante and Shakira.

Even though the three stooges were running towards the oncoming traffic, so the fat man couldn't drive and trap them, the fat man drove against the oncoming traffic, the same way they were going.

"Agh! We're gonna get in an accident!" cried Shakira. The other two screamed in response.

And then, out of nowhere, three hot guys on motorcycles pulled over in front of them. One was tall and tan, with bright green eyes and scars and abs you could see through his leather jacket (bad boy hot). One was tall and skinny, with a beard and a mullet and an adorable grin and cowboy boots (hillbilly hot). And the last one was tall and lean muscle-y, with bronze eyes and shaggy dark hair (golden boy hot).

"Get on!" called Golden Boy.

Abi, Dante and Shakira stood, mouths agape.

"Don't just stand there like bloody idiots!" said Bad Boy, who was apparently British. "Do you want that old fat wanker to eat you or not?"

"Hey, Ace, chill out." This was Hillbilly, who was obviously Southern. "Would you hop onto the back of some weird guy's motorcycle if you were stranded on the side of the road?"

I totally would, thought Dante.

"All we're saying is," Golden Boy (also southern) said. "We don't really want you three to die at the hands of that guy, who's getting really close to us now. So you may want to hop on the back of our bikes, and trust that we won't rape, kidnap, or kill you."

"GRAWWWWWWWWW!" The fat man was really close now.

"Screw it, let's do it!" said Abi, hopping onto Golden Boy's motorcycle. 

"Wait a second, Abi's supposed to be the cautious one. We're the impulsive ones!" Dante exclaimed to Shakira.

"I know! Angry fat men can make you do crazy things!" Shakira responded. "But there is no way in heckity-heck I'm riding one of those danger-wagons!"

"Well then." Dante hopped onto the back of Hillbilly's motorcycle. She put on a pair of sunglasses that seemed to come from absolutely nowhere. "You gon' die."

Both Golden Boy and Hillbilly took off, Dante and Abi hanging on tightly. Shakira thought she heard Abi yell "WOOOOOOOOOO, FLUFFERTRUCKERS!" but it may have been the wind.

"Well?" said Ace, the British bad boy. "Are you getting on or not?"

"Um excuse me sir, I could do without the attitude."

"What, do you want to die?" The fat man was mere feet away now.

"Oh, for Pete's sake," mumbled Shakira, as she made her way to the bike. She slung her leg over. "If you get in an accident, I will rip off your arms and shove them up your-"

"Hold on," Ace yelled.

"Wha-AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Shakira shrieked. Ace took off, and Shakira squeezed his waist as tightly as humanly possible. She dug her face into the back of his leather jacket, shouting profanities at him.

Meanwhile...

Abi was having the time of her life. Vibing. She grinned the whole time as Noah (he had yelled his name to her over the wind) sped along the highway. She was even thinking about getting a bike when she got back home. She liked the feeling of the wind in her hair, the feeling of her arms around Noah. Although, she didn't really admire his hair whapping her in the face. But zooming along the Iowa countryside was so much fun.

Meanwhile meanwhile...

Dante had been talking to Hillbilly (he had told her his name but she hadn't been listening, and she kind of liked the ring of 'Hillbilly' anyway) the whole time. The two were very alike, chatty, weird, funny, a little stupid, etc. He told her he was eighteen and from Texas, but his BFFs, Ace and Noah decided to go on a bike trip before starting college (they had all graduated early) and Hillbilly didn't want to be lonely in Texas. Dante may have started to feel interested in Hillbilly, but it was too soon to tell.

MEANWHILE MEANWHILE MEANWHILE...

Dolph coughed up blood. The minions had beaten the crap out of him. And now Ronaldo Rosenpinis, the town supervillain, was interrogating him.

"WHERE ARE DANTE AND SHAKIRA?" Rosenpinis shouted.

"I don't-I don't know!"

"Well did they say anything about a backup plan?"

"No, man, they're stupid."

Ronaldo Rosenpinis thought about this. "Oh. Well then do I even need to worry about them?"

"To be honest, probably not."

"Oh, sweet." And then Ronaldo Rosenpinis sashayed out of the room, leaving Dolph by himself.

TO BE CONTINUED...