Chapter 21-- The Highway to Heckity-Heck

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Shakira zoomed down the road in a '93 Volkswagen Jetta, Dante and Abi sitting with her.

Even though Abi had tried to go on Noah's motorcycle, Shakira had convinced Abi and Dante that it would be a fun girl's trip. And so they sat in the piece-of-crap car, gossiping and talking and laughing.

"Okay, okay, okay," said Dante to Shakira. "So when did Dolph tell you he was gay?"

"Hmm..." Shakira tried to recall. "Oh, wait! When we first saw the minions at the McMuffin's house, we were trying to get out of the hole we'd quite literally dug ourselves into. So he helped me out, and then he said 'RUN SHAKIRA!' and then he was like 'WAIT, BY THE WAY, I'M GAY. WE CAN STILL BE FRIENDS THOUGH.'"

Dante was cracking up in the backseat. Shakira shoved her. "Well at least I'm not dating a guy with a mullet." Shakira mimed gagging.

"What? Mullets are H-A-W-T. Hawt, hawt, hawt." Dante snapped her fingers on those last three hawts.

"Dante, you know I love you, but I'm with Shakira on this one," said Abi. "Mullets are U-G-L-Y. Ugly, ugly, ugly." Abi snapped her fingers too, mocking Dante.

Dante rolled her eyes.

"So Abi," said Shakira with a twinge of teasing in her voice. "What's going on with you and Noah? You're obviously interested in each other...." She wiggled her eyebrows.

"What is it with you two and saying 'interested' like weirdos?"

"Don't dodge the question! What's going on with the two of you?"

"Well..." Abi trailed off.

"She's going to tell Noah how she feels!" Dante blurted.

"Dante!"

"I'm sorry. Well, not really. But it's just so exciting!"

Abi rolled her eyes, trying to conceal the fact that she was hardcore blushing.

Shakira pushed her lightly. "You and Noah are so cute. GROSSSS, love." She mimed shoving a finger down her throat.

"Oh, shut up, Shakira! Like you don't have a huge crush on Ace!"

Shakira looked shocked. "I don't!"

"Pshhhh, bologna sandwich!" Dante said in disbelief. "You like him more than you liked Dolph!"

"Nuh-uh!"

"Yeah-huh!"

"Okay, when have I ever shown any sort of interest in Ace?"

Dante aggressively pointed at Shakira. "Right there, when you said 'interest' in italics!!! Everybody knows that you only say interested like that when people most definitely are interested!!'

Shakira furrowed a brow, puzzled. "What?"

"Oh, you know what!"

"Let's not talk about me anymore!"

Abi shook her head. "We are not done talking about this, Shakira!"

Shakira covered her ears, driving with her knees. "LALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALA! I DON'T HAVE A CRUSH ON ACE LALALALALALALALALA!"

Dante put her hands up in surrender. "Fine, we won't talk about your crush on Ace anymore."

Sighing, Shakira said, "Thank you."

"Ha!" Dante exclaimed. "You didn't deny it! You have a CRU-USH!" Abi laughed along with her.

Shakira put her head on the wheel and groaned.

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Meanwhile...

"NO!" Dolph screamed. "I won't eat it!"

"EAT THE CHICKEN!" Ronaldo Rosenpinis commanded.

"NEVER! I'M A VEGETARIAN!" Dolph screeched.

Rosenpinis tossed the chicked to the side. "Fine. I suppose we have options other than eating the chicken. Minions!"

Suddenly, crawling out of the dark shadows all slow-motion like, were all Dolph's classmates, along with most of Jimville's citizens who had eaten the chicken. The real Mr. Sour snarled menacingly at Dolph. Dolph flinched.

Then, two of the town's biggest men, Mr. Yolande and Mr. Rodriguezzle, held Dolph in place. He jerked, trying to break free of them but it did absolutely nothing.

"Now, Haley!" Rosenpinis called. A tall girl with short blonde hair and rainbow glasses stepped forward. "Will you do the honors of poking him in the eye?"

Haley grinned maniacally and stuck out her pointer finger. Yolande and Rodriquezzle forced Dolph's eye open. Dolph struggled to keep his eyes shut. Haley reached in slowly and-

The doors to the evil lair flew open and lightning crackled.

Jay, Rosenpinis' Number One spy, walked in. "I have information," they said in a monotone voice.

"Yes, what is it, Jay?"

"Shakira and Dant and Abi went to Walmart in Omaha, Nebraska." Minion Jay couldn't figure out how to say the 'e' on Dante, so they just said Dant.

"Yes, yes, I know they were in Nebraska."

"You didn't let me finish," Montone Minion Jay said. "They are going to Billy Jones' megamansion in Texas."
"Texas, huh?"

"Yes, sir."

"Hmmm," Rosenpinis grumbled. "We need to send someone down there, get my best minion back." He looked around before settling on Dolph. "And I have just the man for the job." Rosenpinis smiled before nodding at Haley.

Haley jabbed her finger right into Dolph's eye.

His screams could be heard for miles. 

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