KIWI | H.S.

sixteen.

May 29th, 2016

I am utterly exhausted, like I've never felt before in my entire existence. The fatigue hits me like a tidal wave, and I can barely manage the simplest tasks, and let alone making myself a sandwich without needing a nap afterward. They say it's normal for pregnancy, but it still feels overwhelming.

Thankfully, Mitch has been an absolute saint, taking care of all my needs these past few days. He's been staying at home with me, not going into the studio since Harry isn't around. We've been spending time together, writing occasionally, and he's been a constant source of support with the pregnancy as well as our mother's recent diagnosis.

Harry and I have been in touch every day, discussing plans for the next year. He's already informed his manager about the pregnancy, but we've decided to keep it under wraps from everyone else for now. We've scheduled to find out the baby's gender when he's back in town in the middle of June, which feels like a distant date, but in reality is just around the corner. It's crazy to think that I could find out the gender today if I wanted, but Harry and I have chosen to do it together.

However, Harry's schedule is jam-packed. He's currently filming a movie in Europe until June, and then he'll have a brief visit to Los Angeles before heading to Jamaica for two months with his writing team. He kindly invited me, but I have my own commitments with Luke and work to catch up on.

His filming will continue for two months after the writing retreat, some in Europe but mostly in LA, followed by a three-month break until the baby's expected arrival in December. He has a tentative album release date in early May of next year, and the possibility of a tour, but everything will remain flexible until after the baby is born.

All these plans and discussions make the reality of becoming parents even more tangible. It's surreal to think that we're going to have a baby, especially considering how little time we've known each other. It's all happened so fast, and sometimes I can't help but wonder how we got here.

I've yet to tell Harry about my mom, and sometimes I don't know if I will at all. But deep down I know he'll find out at some point and I figure it's best if it comes from me.

There's a knock at the door, and although I feel weighed down by a ton of bricks, I get up to answer it. It's the least I can do for Mitch while he takes a shower, after all he's dives for me this week. I swing the door open to find Dede on the other side.

"Hey Sienna." She greets me with a wide grin.

"Hi Dede, come on in. I wasn't expecting you." I tell her honestly.

"Oh no worries," she waves me off, walking past me into the house. "I'm here to meet with Mitch, we're finalizing details for Jamaica." She explains.

"Oh! And I brought these for you, Harry's request. I've got no idea why he'd suggest me to bring kiwis as a housewarming gift, but boss knows best I guess." She chuckles, handing me a bowl full of the small fruits.

I smile at the gesture, a subtle nod to our baby on the way. He has no idea how much I've been craving these since that doctors appointment. "Thank you. I'll have to text Harry and thank him too."

Before I can even comprehend what's happening or stop myself, I'm crying. Like full on bawling.

"Oh my god, are you okay?" Dede rushes, to hug me.

"Yeah," I wipe some of my tears and sniffle, "that's just so nice of you." I sob.

"Oh, babe, it's just some fruit." She chuckles.

"I know, but you have no idea how much this means to me right now." I say with a choked cry.

Everything is so overwhelming right now, with the baby news, and Harry being the father obviously, and then there's work to catch up on, and of course the elephant in the room which is mom's diagnosis. It's just so nice to feel cared about and loved and to know someone's thinking about you.