KIWI | H.S.

twenty.

July 13, 2016

The past month has been a whirlwind, to say the least. I've been writing lots of exciting new music with Luke, and it's some of the work I'm most proud of to date. This time of isolation has really helped me push myself artistically in new directions; it's been so much fun and I don't think I've ever loved my job more.

Earlier this week, I hit the 21-week mark in my pregnancy, which is insane. I didn't find out until I was already in the second trimester, which makes it feel like it's flying by even faster. Hitting that halfway milestone, brought a new sense of stress with it. It feels even more real now and I feel underprepared. I can feel her moving a lot more now too, nothing that can be felt from the outside just yet, but she's definitely a wiggle worm.

I had the big anatomy scan last week, which was nerve-wracking. It's the ultrasound where they check all of the things on the baby to make sure there are no birth defects. Harry was so worried; he even flew Dede home to go to the appointment with me. Luckily, all is well, and the baby is doing just perfect. I'm getting anxious to meet her.

I talk with Mitch and Harry often, texting both of them daily. I also get a call from at least one of them every night, if not both. The time really has flown and I don't feel as lonely as I expected to.

A few days ago, I boarded a flight back home to Charleston, and it's been so nice to be back. South Carolina summers are truly magical, it reminds me of simpler times before adulting. Being back with my family is always a good reset. These moments with mom have become even more special as the unspoken shadow of her cancer looms over us, making even the happiest moments twinged with sadness..

It's nearing 7pm and I find myself sitting on the porch, bathed in the golden hues of the Southern sunset. The rhythmic hum of cicadas creates a soothing backdrop as I dial Mitch's number. The phone rings, and as he picks up I speak up immediately.

"Happy birthday, Mitch!"

"Thanks, Sise! How's Carolina treating you?" Mitch's voice carried a mix of curiosity and genuine interest.

"It's been good," I reply, leaning back in the rocking chair. "Trey and I have been writing a bit, and the creative energy is just flowing easy these days. The baby is really starting to respond to music now, which is crazy. We might have a future rockstar on our hands."

Mitch chuckled, "She's going to be a legend, I'm calling it already. With the parents she's got? Instant icon."

I smile, "We'll see."

"And how's mom holding up?"

"She's so strong. She doesn't really want to talk about what's going on yet though, she deflects a lot when it's brought up. She's been super hyper focused on the baby too, which I find cute, but I can tell she's struggling and just trying to put all our attention elsewhere." I tell him honestly.

We chat for a bit longer, Mitch tells me about the album and the writing process, though apparently he's been sworn to secrecy about a lot. Harry is taking the whole 'wait until its released' very seriously and I'm starting to regret agreeing to do this.

Before we knew it, the conversation circled back to the reason for the call. "Well, Mitch, happy birthday again. I wish I could be there to celebrate in person. Harry better have gotten you a cake."

"Thanks, Sienna. And don't you worry, he most definitely did. We'll celebrate properly when I'm back, yeah? Take care of mom and dad, and trey of course."

"I will. Love you, Mitch. Happy 28!"

"Love you too, Sienna. Talk to you soon."

We end the call and it's bittersweet. I miss him, but he's doing amazing things.