KIWI | H.S.

thirty one.

September 9, 2016

As soon as the plane touched down in California again, it was straight back to reality.The three of us shared a cab back to Mitch and I's place, where we said our rushed goodbyes to Harry, who left straight to the movie set to film. It feels like I haven't seen him much at all since. The one exception was when he came over, about five days ago, when I texted him past midnight out of boredom during a bout of insomnia. He showed up at the door not twenty minutes later and we were both asleep the moment our heads hit the pillow. But when I woke up the next morning, he was gone again, almost as if I'd dreamed it all up last night. The only evidence left behind was his chapstick on my nightstand.

That isn't solely on him though, I've been quite busy myself. Since getting home, I've busied myself with helping Mitch begin packing the house for our move overseas and writing and producing as many songs with Luke as I possibly can. With the upcoming move and the baby coming in just a few short months, I'm trying to build up my catalog of songs to sell, so that I have the freedom to take some time off. I'll still be writing all the time, just probably won't be putting in the extra time to get everything produced and uploaded to be sold.

The days blurred into a routine of work and exhaustion. Texts between Harry and I have become sporadic, calls even rarer. I understand the demands of his job, know the energy he pours into his work. But understanding doesn't chase away the doubts that creep in during the quiet moments when I'm home all alone.

I find myself staring at my phone, willing it to buzz with a message from Harry. Each time it did, my heart leapt, only to sink again when it was just a work email or a notification from someone else. I hate feeling so dependent on his attention, but he has a way of making me feel seen and cherished, even in the smallest interactions. It's scary how much I've come to rely on him so quickly. Granted, our situation made it that way, but still. I've never trusted someone so quickly and it terrifies me.

"Uh hello? Earth to Sienna?" Luke is waving his hand in front of my face, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Sorry, what were you saying?" I ask.

"Oh my god, have you not been listening at all for the past three minutes?" He looks exasperated.

"Sorry...I'm sorry." I apologize, guilty expression on full display.

"Penny for your thoughts?" He sighs.

I give him a confused look, "Aren't you going to tell me whatever it is you were trying to say?"

He shrugs, "Well clearly you've lost interest in the song we've been working on. Might as well get a second one out of you if your thoughts are elsewhere."

He's got a point.

"What if my thoughts are too personal?" I challenge.

He rolls his eyes, "Please, Sise. Nothings too personal between us anymore when it comes to songs. I helped you write a song about losing your virginity to Harry Styles for gods sake."

"Alright, alright, I was just kidding." I quickly interject, before he can list any more embarrassing things off.

He smirks, knowing he's won, "Do you want the piano or guitar?"

I contemplate for a moment, both are uncomfortable for me to play at the moment with a belly in the way. "Mmmm, guitar. Acoustic, but I want you to play it, I'm too large."

"Your wish is my command," he grins, sauntering over to the wall to grab my guitar of choice. "Any specific key?"

"D," I reply.

"Major or minor?"

"Major."

Luke nods and clamps the capo down where he wants it before he starts playing a few chords, looking to me for approval.