The Deal I Made With Theodore Nott - NL x TN

28

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It's just like any other Christmas holidays.

That's what I kept telling myself. Trying to desperately persuade myself while my heart felt so empty.

Sure the holidays weren't normally a cheerful time for me, but it wasn't the absence of my parents love I was feeling. No this time it was the vacant space in my mind and chest, one that was normally filled with a certain Slytherin wizard.

I tried not to think about him, I really did.

Thinking about him hurt, but not thinking about him felt dull. Pain was better than nothing, so I spent my time going over every bad moment we've ever shared in attempts to hate him. That way, the next time I saw him I could move on.

He wouldn't ever be able to hurt me again.
I just had to get through the holidays.

"Neville?"

I look up from my pondering.

"What are you doing up so early?" Nan asked.

I pulled my blanket tighter around myself, the window seat I was curled up in was cold. But it over looked the garden and the garden made me calm. Most of the time it made me happy, but now it only brought a soft but warm comfort.

"I couldn't sleep." I replied plainly, looking back outside at the barely lit snowflakes setting on the rose bushes.

"You spend too much time in your room, you can't sleep in the same space you spend the day. It isn't healthy." Nan scolded, she pulled out the supplies for tea as she spoke.

"Mhmm." I hummed in reply, I had ent fully heard her words if I'm being honest.

My grandmother slammed the cabinet door so loud that I jumped out of my own skin. I tumbled onto the hardwood floor with a painful thump.

"Why are you mumbling? Mhmm is not an answer." She said as she stood I've the wagging her finger.

I sat up on the ground, but I didn't have the motivation to lift myself from the floor.
"I'm sorry Nan." I stated, not looking up at her.

"What has you crawling Neville? I hope my grandson wasn't wasting away his important time in Hogwarts acting like this." The elderly witch huffed.

She was always like this. Stern, cold, serious.
I was so nervous around her when I was young, but as I matured I noted all the good things she did as well.

If I broke down her last statement, what she actually meant was;
"What's wrong Neville? How long has this been going on for? Also I care about your education."

I knew this because she immediately prepared a second cup of tea the moment she caught on to me being upset.

"Lessons are fine, I'm actually doing much better in Potions this year." I wanted to sound excited about it, but I didn't. I sat at the table and my Grandmother sat beside me, sliding me a cup of tea as she did so.

"Are those Death Eater kids causing you trouble again?" She asked. It was a more forward question, because it was something she was passionate about.

Death eaters took my parents from us.

Here, but not fully

Luna said that to me once, it perfectly described my parents. It was easier to just say they were dead.
It would be easier if they were dead.
Death Eaters caused that.

"Nan, Dove is a Rosier. You shouldn't say stuff like that." I stated.

She smiled fondly at me, patting my hand gently.
"You're right. I apologize. Dove is a good Witch, I should catch my tongue." She apologized.

My Nan never apologized.

"Your father would be proud of you talking like that. You're a good friend, just as he was." She praised.

The tears started falling immediately. I tried to hide behind my hands but I sobbing so loudly it wasn't worth it. I wasn't even sure what triggered it, being called good? When I said such awful things to someone I cared about.

Or maybe it was my father being proud of me?
Would he be?

"Oh dear, now tell me what's really going on." Nan questioned.

I wiped my eyes dry as best I could and tried to catch my breath through sniffles.
"I- I was dating someone, sorta, and now I'm not." Was all I was able to say.

Apparently it was enough because my grandmother was shocked.

"Well don't look so surprised Nan." I rolled my eyes.

"I apologize, you just were always so quiet. I didn't think you would fall in love so quickly and so hard."

Love? Who said anything about love?

"Love?"

She chuckled, taking a sip from her teacup as she crossed her legs.
"Darling, Longbottoms don't just fancy someone. Your father fell so hard for your mother, so fast as well. Though he didn't know how to move the friendship towards courtship. This left him very broken hearted and crushed when Alice dated someone else, because she had no idea of silly Frank's feelings. He cried just like that when he found out, like a child."

Of course she had to end it with an insult.

"Oh it's definitely past friendship." I noted with a smile, thinking back to the night in the hospital wing.

My Nan raised an eyebrow at me.

"I mean- I only mean that we've already kissed. That seems pretty clear to me." I quickly added.

She didn't look persuaded but she moved on regardless.
"So how could you be dating someone- sorta- and then not be anymore? What have you done wrong to the poor girl?"

"His name is Theo."

"Oh."

"And he comes from a bad home life, his father would never accept our relationship. So he kept trying to push me away, but he also wanted me around? It just got so confusing, I couldn't take it anymore. So I said some not so kind things to him hoping he wouldn't get the chance to break my heart again. But now I'm alone again, and it feels, worse." I explained.

I buried my face in my arms, laying on the table. I was so tired all the time. Yet every night I had nightmares, terrible nightmares. So I couldn't sleep, I wouldn't.

"Your friend Harry Potter, his father was very good mates with Frank." Nan began to explain. I rested my chin in my palm, trying my best to listen to another one of her drawn out stories.

But this one was different.

"James Potter, he once took in a young wizard with a poor home life."

"Yes Nan, I know about his Godfather Sirius-"

"Ah, but I'm not talking about Sirius Black- I'm talking about Regulus Black."