First Crush

Ch 6: George's Perspective

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George's POV:

She was crying again. I had been watching her unnoticed since 5 am. I was wondering if 1) her alarm was on, and 2) how I would turn it off if it was. Cha's not exactly someone who gets so excited about no-school days. This should be good for her though. She's been really stressed lately, and knowing her, she won't take time to rest or have much of a break.

She doesn't stop when there's still something she has to do. I really admire her persistent attitude. Her resolution. She even goes to school with fever. I can't (Promise, I really can't.) stop her. I can't hold her back. And I can't keep her tied down either. She always gets away one way or another. You'd think a feverish person was weak. Cha will prove you wrong. I'm really proud of that girl. A high fever of 41 degrees Celsius and she walks like nothing happened, and carries her bag as if it doesn't weigh much. The only signs of a fever I can see are the thin sheet of sweat covering her face, this slightly glassy look in her eyes, and her slightly pink cheeks. Her body was the one betraying her, not her will nor her strength. I'm actually really surprised we've never gotten a call from the Nurse's office, telling us she has to go home. Knowing Cha, she's hiding her fever well.

I watched her silently as she cried. She never did tell me the reasons why. Not even a hint. I've asked, of course, but she won't tell me. There are some times when she breaks down so much her body shakes for hours.

She won't let me in. She closes herself off from the world. I'm lucky she's fine with me knowing. No one else knows, not even Nilda, who's practically watched her grow up. How can a person she's been with her whole life not know? She's really good at hiding and pretending. The only thing I can do for her is stay with her. And that's not even true all the time. I'm sure there are many more times, thrice more maybe, when she cries behind my back. I can't help this helplessness. She won't let anyone else in. It's progress, letting me see her like that. But she shouldn't stop there.

I won't be interfering today. She doesn't know I'm here. She also pushes me away the more I get close and that would just be two steps back when I've started progressing with her.

I've always wanted a little sister. I'm an only child. I hated Ciara when I first saw her. She looked so cold, insensitive, and expressionless. I didn't harm her, no, I just didn't care for her when she tripped, fell down, or couldn't do something. I was an ignorant little brat then. If I knew she was hurting this much, I would have given my life to help her. Yeah, I hated her, but I soon grew to love her like all the others did. She was a sweet thing, really gentle, and quiet. We never had any problems with her. She never messed up anything, and never did things that would get you mad.

Her stubbornness was also found cute by us. We resented the fact that she did almost everything by herself, but grew to accept it. That was just how she was. She didn't treat us like workers at all. We were all treated like her friends. We were people she talked to, asked favors from, and valued. She has never bossed us around.

I grew aware of how hurt she was two years ago. I've been with her since she was five. She's eleven now. I was with her for four years! Four years! And I didn't know she cried. I never saw her. I just came across her  one day when she was with the two huskies. I was going to check on them and bring them some food if they seemed hungry. Those pups grew on me like they did with Ciara. They were really messy at first, but Cha was able to straighten them up.

I was walking through the huge bluebell archway she grew and saw her burying her face on Rowan's fur. I ran to her and she looked up at the sudden sound. I know I was supposed to be quiet at all times and during all movements, but you can't blame me for thinking she fell down or something.

What I saw stunned me. Her tear-stained face was looking up at me. Ciara's eyes were shining and the tears wouldn't stop falling. I looked at her in a daze. I never saw her cry. To this day, I don't know why I couldn't move for a couple of seconds.

When I snapped out of it, she was looking down. I knelt beside her and asked her what was wrong. She shook her head. She wouldn't speak so I just hugged her. She stiffened at first, but soon relaxed and sobbed onto me. It took her almost an hour to get it out of her system. Yeah, that long. I tried to get her to talk about it a few times, but she convinced me it was no big deal. And, like a fool, I believed her. I believed she was fine like she said. But I never should have.

I saw her crying again a few months later. I ran to her like I first did. This time, she ran away from me. Locked herself up in her bathroom. I didn't want to disturb her privacy, so I waited outside. All was quiet. And then suddenly I realized, she also cried silently the first time. A half hour later, she emerged from the bathroom, looking as if nothing happened. She stopped walking when she saw me standing in front of her. I knew my expression was asking her why and I knew that she knew it too. But she just shook her head. I sighed then walked over to her to pat her head. "I'm here if you need me," I said, then walked away. I didn't want her to run away from me. I wouldn't be able to help her if she did that.

I didn't tell anyone what I saw and what I started to see after. I was really stupid, we all were, for thinking she was all right. She wasn't. She just set aside her problems when she was with us. She tried to forget it. When she's alone and idle, that's when she remembers. I stumbled upon her crying more frequently, but didn't dare go near her. I know it's probably stupid, but I want her to get used to the fact that it was fine with me whether she was crying or not. I just went out of her room to get water for her since crying might have drained her.

That went on for around five months. She was slowly getting used to me. I, on the other hand, became more and more concerned for her as I realized she cried a lot more than I knew. It wasn't that she never cried before. We just never saw her.

One night, I couldn't take it. I was watching her silently (She knew I was there.). I didn't want to leave her since she was shaking so bad. It had been a little bit more than two hours and the tears weren't slowing down. She suddenly hiccuped. It was so soft I knew no one outside would hear it. That went on for quite a while. It hurt me, seeing her so pained. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore and walked over to her and sat down on the bed. I held her to me and stroked her hair. It seemed to calm her down because she fell asleep in my arms.

I lay her down on the bed and watched her. She looked so peaceful in her sleep. Her face untouched by pain. I slept beside her that night. I woke up at around four and sat up to leave. A hand grabbed my arm. I gently pried her fingers off, but she opened her eyes and pleaded, "Stay with me, please?" I couldn't say no to that, so I lay down again with her. She soon fell asleep again. I wondered how long she had been awake. I was trained to wake up at the slightest noise, and the lightest movement, so how could she be awake and I wasn't aware of it? She must have amazing skills.

I was happy. She wanted me to stay! All those months of enduring the pain of leaving her like that paid off. But then again, she could've been so hurt that she couldn't take it alone. It didn't matter. My little sister wanted me to stay with her and that made me happy.

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Dedicated to buangthorayt. Nakikita kitang nagbabasa eh :P Plus, I keep transferring whole chapters... sorry for the inconvenience!

I finally got to write something on George's opinion on Ciara's problems! I've had that idea for a while now, but it was just now that it went into writing. Or typing for that matter.

I hope you guys feel Ciara and George since I'm not sure I was able to convey their feelings properly.

Hope you guys like it!

Hugs, Issa :)

Have some serious work to do for the next chapter. Someone really critiqued my writing. Anyway, I'll try out the suggestions :D