First Crush

Ch 11: Sunset Ramblings, Who's Your Crush?

I'm stuck here. I really don't know how I'll match this part to the story. I'll just create some kind of filler thing.

Dedicated to _TheSix_

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Ciara's POV:

The sun's setting.

I'm here on the rooftop of a building my family owns, can't specify which one.

The skyline is bluish gray covered with a see-through orange canvas. The glittering buildings sometimes seem blinding.

I love rooftops. They're always windy and I feel like I'm on top of the world. The wind blowing through my hair feels amazing and I don't need to worry about it falling into my eyes.

The wind also caresses me. It's calming and never harsh. Even the sharpest cutting winds seem soothing to me. Others don't like them though. I guess it's because I like jagged things. A sharp wind is also ragged.

He horizon peaks out between towers. Reddish orange hues mix with purple and gold. I've always loved sunsets. They're warm but cool. They soothe me.

I relaxed and willingly let my mind fly to whatever topic it wanted to think about.

I really thought I was getting better at the social stuff. Kennedy and Nad keep me company. Sometimes I don't even get time to be by myself. They're always happy companions and my mind turns from negative thoughts to positive ones. I smile at the sunset.

It was peaceful. I was at peace. Have been lately....

Images of our times together flash by my eyes.

A single salty tear rolls down from my eye.

I can't. I try. I can't and won't fit in with them. I will not ever be part of them. I can't do the whole attitude change. They don't laugh with me like they do with each other. The more time I spend with them, the more clearer I see the fact that I'm not like them. They don't even remember me when we're walking together. I have to repeat what I say five times and shout it before they actually notice I'm talking to them. It hurts, but I won't force myself to be a part of them. I'm not. Thinking like that just wears me down.

It's fun being with them, no doubt. I won't deny the fact that I cry from too much laughter.

We laugh at each other. They laugh with me when I make a fool of myself.

They taught me things. They shared to me their experiences, their time, friendship, their inside jokes, and... a lot more.

But those two are close. I won't be part of that. I know I don't and can't belong there.

I also know that I can't separate those two or get between them. Not that I would. Their bond is that strong.

[Next day]

I glanced out the window at the setting sun. I finished late today. Later than yesterday.

A few words to sum up today: It happened again.

And it's hurting more than it's supposed to.

[Another day]

I'm with Maureen and we're walking down the hallway to the field outside. She dragged me out to have picnic lunch. Tells me people do it everyday.

The tiles are caramel slabs with red tiles lining the sides of the hall.

The entrance was wide open and we walked through to warm sunshine. I closed my eyes for a moment, savouring the warmth of the sun's rays on my eyelids.

Suddenly, Maureen points out, "Kenny and Mad!"

"Mad, really?" I chuckled.

She shrugged and grinned, "Speaking of which, who's your crush?"

I was surprised by her question. "My crush?" I paused, "I don't know. No one?" I grimaced.

She elbowed me and said cheekily, "You can't possibly have none. Come on. Every girl has one."

"Well, I don't," I said drily.

"Don't be a spoil sport, hon."

"I don't have one." I frowned.

"Yes, you do," she wheedled.

"I don't!" I shouted. She really gets on my nerves sometimes.

Kennedy and Nad glanced at me.

"Something wrong?" Kennedy asks.

I shake my head while Maureen says cheekily, "She likes someone. Won't tell though."

"Ooh. Who could it be?" Nad teased.

Great. So now they're paying attention to me?

Nad continued, "I know! I know! Kennedy!"

I looked at him, utterly horrified. "Of course not! What is wrong with you guys?!"

"Calm down, Char," Kennedy interrupts.

I lifted one eyebrow, my face blank.

He looked kind of taken aback. He obviously didn't expect that, but he recovered quickly.

"Let's try this. I'll ask you the same question and whoever pops in your mind... well, is your crush."

"Shoot," I replied.

"Since when do you say 'shoot'?" he looked at me quizzically. "Anyway, here it is."

He didn't wait for my answer.

"Who's your crush?"

Unwillingly, a concerned Kennedy appeared into view. Telling myself it meant nothing, I kept a blank face.

"That answers it then," he comments.

"Wow, Char. You really don't have one. I'm not convinced though," Maureen adds. "There has to be someone."

She stood up and sauntered off to a couple of her friends passing by. What happened to lunch together?

I watched her walk away.

"Bye guys." I stood up, snagging my bag from the ground.

"Wait!" Nad called out.

I stood still.

"We're worried about you."

"What? Why?"

"I wasn't at first, but seeing you like this now, what Ken says makes sense."

I glanced at Kennedy. "What?"

"You're not yourself anymore," Nad replies.

I turn to him. "How am I not myself?"

"You seem to be emotionless lately."

I studied both of them. "Aren't I always?"

"No. You became more open to us," Kennedy replied.

"I did, huh," I thought sarcastically.

"But now you're back to the closed you," Kennedy looks at me intently. "You can tell me anything you know?"

I looked him in the eyes. He was sincere, as usual.

A sudden thought crossed my mind. It might be all right if I cry in front of this boy.

That's not going to happen though. I'm just going to hurt myself.

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I finally got to update the latest two chapters!! :D