If I survive you survive

Chapter 2: The Boy Who Lies

Harry struggled to focus on any coherent thoughts while he walked along the tunnel back towards Ron. Dread was sitting like a rock in his stomach, he didn't want to see Ron he couldn't fathom what he would say or do when he saw Ginny's lifeless body. He tried to push the feeling of walls closing in on him aside and took deep ragged breaths. He'd had to stop to vomit up bile twice before making it to where he knew Ron and Lockhart would still be waiting for him.

In the end he didn't need to worry about what Ron was going to say to him. As soon as he saw Ginny's body levitating towards him his eyes glazed over, and he wouldn't look anywhere other than at his feet. Thankfully Ron had already managed to make a hole in the rubble big enough for Harry and Ginny to get through. There was something brutal about having to pull her dead, lifeless body through a gap in the rock.

"I don't know how... how to get out, how to get up" Harry was whispering but he didn't know why.

A squawk came from overhead. Fawkes was sticking out his foot for Harry to hold. Something that Dumbledore had said about phoenixes being able to carry heavy weights came to him. Harry sent Ron and Lockhart up first and then he held Ginny as tight as he could when the bird came back for him. He tried not to think about how very cold and heavy she was, her skin the colour of ash.

It felt like chaos all around him. He heard the screams of Mrs Weasley. Saw the quiet tears coursing down Mr Weasley's face. Shock on the faces of the twins and Percy and then there was Ron who still wouldn't look up from the floor. Ginny was in the hospital wing but Harry knew it didn't matter where she was now as she was just as dead up here as she was down the chamber.

"Harry, my boy" Dumbledore's calm voice came from behind him "come with me for a bit let us leave the Weasley's to their grief. I'd like to ask you some questions if you are up for it" Harry felt himself nod although he wasn't sure he was ready to talk to the headmaster.

Harry followed. He tried to shift some of the thoughts in his mind to focus on what he couldn't tell Dumbledore.

The questions started off fine. How did they figure out where the chamber was? How did they manage to get in?

"When you were down in the chamber what happened?" Dumbledore was calm, no real emotion showing on his face. His blue eyes had lost the twinkle Harry was so used to seeing.

"Well, it was the three of us. Lockhart said he was going to remove our memories and say he had been too late to get to Ginny but then he used Ron's broken wand and the spell backfired and caused all the rocks to cave them in on the other side of the tunnel. I was on my own." He almost whispered the last sentence.

"A silly thing to do regardless of location" Dumbledore looked briefly angry although it didn't appear to be directed at Harry.

"I said to Ron to try and dig out for when we..." at this point Harry realised he was also crying silent, hot tears "we got back".

"I know it's hard to talk about Harry, but I really need to know what happened even if only to tell the Weasleys in more detail, they deserve to know."

"I left them and went along the tunnel. I saw Ginny lying there on the floor. She was so cold. I tried to shake her awake, but I couldn't" he took a deep breath knowing this was where the lies would start "I heard the snake before I saw it. I was so lucky Fawkes came he saved my life Professor" part of him hoped the garbled nature of his story lent itself to the trauma of what had happened in the chamber.

"Fawkes would only come to you if you had shown me real loyalty" Dumbledore was looking at Harry with an expression he didn't recognise. Harry thought perhaps he didn't believe him.

"I don't know Professor. I can't even remember what I said to Ginny to try and wake her but she was so cold" he could hear how pathetic it was even as he said it "Fawkes blinded the basilisk so it couldn't kill me with its eyes. He also brought the sorting hat, and a sword came out of it. I managed to kill the basilisk with the sword, but it bit me. I thought was going to die but Fawkes healed me somehow." He had almost forgotten about this and he looked down at his upper arm. The skin was clean, unlike the rest of him, and a neat but fully healed scar ran about three inches up his arm.

"Only a true Gryffindor could have pulled out that sword Harry" his eyes were twinkling again, and he looked proud which in turn made Harry feel sick to his stomach. He was beginning to think it was lucky he had emptied his stomach completely down in the chamber.

"By the time I got back to Ginny she was... I was too late. I didn't know what to do. I had the fang, I tried to stab it in the diary she was holding" Harry pulled it out of his robes and passed it to him "nothing happened, and I don't even know what I was expecting really."

"You're sure there was nobody else in the chamber with you?" Dumbledore's tone was pointed. Did he know?

"No" Harry shook his head and then faltered, "well, not that I saw," he shrugged and looked down at the floor.

The feeling of guilt washed over him. He knew he was making a mistake but couldn't figure out how to fix it. It was done.

"Okay Harry" Dumbledore sighed "I think you had better get checked out by Madam Pomphrey and I had better go and speak to the Weasleys".

Harry dropped the hat and sword that he realised he had been holding down onto Dumbledore's desk. He left quickly wanting to avoid any more questions. Did he know? It had always felt to Harry like Dumbledore always knew when people were lying but maybe that wasn't true. Surely Dumbledore wouldn't just let Harry lie to his face if he knew? Would he? Pain streaked across his head, nothing to do with his scar and everything to do with a barrage of thoughts pulsing through his head. He clutched onto the stone wall outside Dumbledore's office and rested his head on the cold stone. He took three deep breathes before standing up straighter and began the walk down to the hospital wing.

When he got to the Hospital Wing he was quickly ushered to a bed. Madam Pomphrey checked him over and he was pleasantly surprised he had managed not to do himself any real damage. A potion was pushed on him and then everything went blissfully dark.

"Come on Harry it's one small lie" that voice, Harry recognised that voice.

"Tom?"

"Of course," his face is clearer now. Harry could make out his big brown eyes, curly hair falling softly into his face. The face of an angel.

"I don't understand" it was like the only thing he could see was Tom's face. Harry couldn't work out where he was or what he was doing before Tom got here.

"Just remember what you promised".

It was very white when he woke up. He had to blink and rub his hands over his eyes to get used to the starkness.

"You're awake?" It was Hermione, sitting in the chair next to his bed looking happy to see him awake but clearly had been crying.

"Where's Ron?" even as he asked, he knew Ron wouldn't still be in the castle.

"He and the rest of the family have gone home back to the Burrow. You've been asleep for about twelve hours Harry" her face showed concern.

"Right. Is he, are they... okay? Sorry that's a stupid question" he looked down at his hands and noticed they were covered in bandages. He presumed he got cut when climbing or falling down rocks.

"Mrs Weasley says thank you. She knows you went on into the Chamber alone after the rocks can in. She knows you fought the basilisk and tried to save her. They all know and they all want to say thanks."

Thankfully because he hadn't eaten in over twelve hours when Harry retched nothing came up. Tears came again heavy and hot. Hermione tried to help; she held him close "it wasn't your fault Harry. You did everything you could". The feeling of guilt was debilitating.

She was practically dead I got there. There was nothing I could do. She was already dead. There was nothing I could do. Already dead. I was too late. Dead. Too late. Nothing to do.

Harry told himself over and over. Over and over. Tears continued to fall and burnt red track marks down his face. How could he ever look at Molly and Arthur again? How could he truly call himself Ron's best friend?