If I survive you survive

Chapter 11: Occlumency

Despite the circumstances Harry was enjoying being back with Sirius. Having the occasional chat with him in the fire wasn't the same. It also looked like Mr Weasley was doing well in St Mungo's even though initially they couldn't figure out what venom was in the snake's fangs. He was alert when they visited and very pleased to see them.

Harry was sitting on the sofa trying to read a book but getting distracted by Ron and the twins playing chess. Hermione was opposite Harry, and she didn't seem to be having any problems blocking out the noise.

"So, Harry, how's your defence club going?" Sirius settled himself next to him with a glass of fire whiskey. Harry eyed it trying to remember the taste of it from Tom's mouth last year. It felt like much longer than a year had passed since he was sitting in the dingy pub about to make another questionable choice. Sirius noticed him looking and gestured for him to take the glass "have a sip. What is the role of a godfather if not to lead you astray?" he smiled.

Harry took the glass and sniffed it before small sip. It smelt smoky and woody and instantly reminded him on Tom. Initially there was no taste only the feeling of burning in his mouth and down the back of his throat. When it settled, he could taste the same peaty, woodiness he remembered from that afternoon in the Hogshead. He handed Sirius back the glass and he took a substantially bigger drink than Harry had.

"Any girls on the horizon?" he asked and winked at him. Harry felt himself flush and noticed Hermione was definitely not reading anymore. She was still holding the book in front of her but he eyes were no longer tracking the words across the page.

"Eh, I don't really know. Cho, one of the girls from the DA, kissed me at the end of the term but it was weird she was crying because she had been talking about Cedric" Harry should have just said no but he wanted to have a normal conversation with his Godfather about a normal relationship.

"That is a bit weird. Who was Cedric to her?" Sirius asked.

"They were together last year. They went to the Ball together. Harry was going to ask Cho but then..." Hermione had closed her book and stopped just in time to not mention the article. Sirius wouldn't have seen it living as a dog.

"Then what?" Sirius was looking between Harry and Hermione. Harry was scowling at Hermione and she at least had the grace to look sheepish.

"Then there was an article in the Prophet that had a photo of me kissing a boy" his eyes flickered down to his hands. He did not want to answer any questions about Tom, but he also didn't want to lie to Sirius. He really had no interest in Cho whatsoever so it felt like lying bringing her up.

"Harry, I'm not bothered if you like boys or girls. Or both, hell why be picky. You can tell me" Sirius was looking at him with such an expression of concern that before Harry realised what was happening tears were streaming down his face. He jumped up and fled to the quiet kitchen. He could feel the sobs wracking his body, he was shaking leaning on the counter.

Strong arms pulled him into a warm hug. Harry let himself sink into Sirius and let himself cry until he had no more tears. Sirius let him go and started busying himself making cups of tea. When they were ready he placed them on the table and steered Harry to sit down. Harry let himself be guided around the table and let himself fall into a seat. He felt exhausted.

"What's going on kid?" The look of concern on his face nearly made Harry burst into tears again.

"I don't even really know why I'm crying. Behaving like a baby" he tried to smile and took a sip of his tea.

"You're not behaving like a baby. Harry there's clearly something bothering you or something you need. Can I help? Can I listen?" he sat patiently.

"I don't know. I did like Cho last year and I was thinking about asking her to the ball but this guy just. I can't really describe him..." Harry trailed off. This conversation was going into dangerous territory. If he could he would have told Sirius everything but it felt hard to say anything when he knew it would lead to questions.