If I survive you survive

Chapter 4: Is this Real?

The atmosphere around the castle was eerily similar to last year when teachers would walk the kids around the school. At least last year the heir of Slytherin was already inside the castle. Although that hadn't been a pleasant thought at the time but now someone was managing to get inside. That was deeply concerning. Harry was used to school feeling safe but that was wearing off.

Whispers followed Harry and Ron around. It had been Ron that had nearly been attacked with a knife and Ron who was enjoying retelling the story to anyone who would listen. Being inside Harry's head was not a nice place to be in at present. Thoughts constantly swirled round about Ginny and Ron and Sirius.

He knew Sirius was coming after him. He had overheard the teachers talking about him in the Three Broomsticks. If Sirius had actually stabbed Ron then it would have been his fault that Molly and Arthur had lost another child. Harry would have lost his best friend in the world. He was trying to push the thought from his mind but with every prediction of his death during divination and the constant dreams of Ginny, the basilisk, Sirius Black, and Tom it was becoming harder and harder.

Sometimes his emotions would leave him feeling drained and listless. Other times he was so angry he wanted to punch and kick something until he couldn't lift his arms anymore. He could tell people were getting frustrated with his erratic mood swings but he couldn't find a way to calm himself down once he was in that cold, black headspace.

His anger was more often than not aimed at himself. He was slowly coming to terms with the decision he had made last year, and he couldn't stop hating himself for it. Maybe Ginny had already been dead, but Harry should have found a way to bring Tom to Dumbledore. Every time he looked at Dumbledore these days a feeling of guilt surged over him, and he struggled to maintain any eye contact with the headmaster. Other times he was angry at the headmaster himself for allowing the events of last year to unfold. He had seen through Tom's memory that the chamber had been opened before so why didn't or couldn't Dumbledore stop it this time? Surely his main job as being headmaster was to keep him and the other pupils safe?

Harry would remember the conversations he had had with Tom and that would make him angry too. How had Harry been so easily manipulated by him? Why was he so desperate to see him all the time? It was a peculiar feeling but one that was reoccurring every time he thought about Tom. Harry didn't want to see him because they were friends, obviously, as they hardly knew each other but there was something so fascinating, so enthralling about him and Harry just wanted to know more, to know everything. When those thoughts clouded over him he would again get angry at himself for being so pathetic. Tom should be helping him. If Sirius Black was breaking into the castle to kill him then Tom should be doing something about it! Harry was realising how Tom managed to amass so many followers. Even when Tom wasn't around Harry was thinking about him.

Did Tom know that Harry wanted to talk to him? During their conversation over the summer, he had said that he could feel that Harry was frightened and that brought Tom to him. Was that happening now? Was Harry properly frightened? The frustration that came with not knowing the answers to these questions along with many others also didn't help with his bad moods.

Harry was lying across one of the big comfy sofas in the common room in front of the fire which was crackling pleasantly. His head was resting on Hermione's lap while she read a book. Harry was too zoned out gazing at the fire to notice Ron's scowling looks. Harry hadn't been sleeping well since the last break into Gryffindor tower and he could feel his eyes growing heavy. Surrounded by people in the bright light of the common room he felt safe which was probably why he managed to drift off.

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"You've not been sleeping well" Harry knew that voice. It was smooth and low.