𝐜𝐚𝐟𝐞 𝐜𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐡 || 𝐨𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐚 𝐫𝐨𝐝𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐨 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

CHAPTER 118 - square one

a/n - please votetetetetete

"don't go," y/n whispers after i place her down into bed. "i need to brush my teeth," i say, not even bothering to do my skincare, "give me three minutes, okay?"

i lay beside y/n, letting her decide the position, "how do you wanna sleep?" "i wanna... lay on top of you," y/n says, "but please... don't judge." "hey, you know i won't," i say. "i know, but i'm scared," y/n says, "please don't." "promise. i promise on everything," i say, then feeling y/n on top of me.

i wrap my arms securely around her, and she wraps her arms around my neck. "does... it hurt? when you self harm?" i ask, being cautious about my words. "it's the only way i can take my mind of eating," y/n says, "but the scars go away in a day or two." "y/n..." "you're so disappointed. i'm sorry," y/n apologizes. "no, no, i'm not. i'm sorry. i promise i'm not disappointed," i say. "but i'm being so selfish- it's your birthday, and i ruined it. this wasn't the way tonight was meant to go. we were supposed to have a nice dessert, then i would drive you back to iris', then... you'd focus on your career and i'd try harder to eat," y/n whispers, "try harder to get better."  "i'm glad i'm here with you," i say, "and i'm here to help. it doesn't matter that it's my birthday." "i don't want anyone else's help," y/n says, "not a therapist... i just want you." of course it put a little bit of pressure on me, but i was gonna try my hardest. y/n would do the absolute same for me in a heartbeat.

"i'm here," i say. "don't go," y/n begs, "please. i need you here. i really, really need you." i've never heard y/n so desperate before. "i'm here, my love," i repeat, "do you want me to call kaizen for you to take the week off? i know tomorrow's sunday, but in advance." "i hope he'll let me," y/n says. "he will," i say. y/n yawns onto my neck. "y/n... i don't really know how to help," i say, "and i'm gonna try my hardest, i promise. i just, don't really know what i'm doing." "it doesn't matter," y/n says, "i just need you here. everything hurts less when you're here." i close my eyes as a tear runs down my cheek. out of everyone, it had to be the person who deserved it the least.

"i'm sorry," y/n apologizes again, "i really ruined your birthday." "you didn't," i say, "trust me. i'm here with you. i love you, i love you, i love you." "i love you," y/n whispers, "and i'm really sleepy." "okay, that's okay," i say, "we can sleep."

i wake up before y/n, reaching over and taking my phone. i go onto instagram, seeing y/n had posted for my birthday. it was a scheduled post, but i read the caption.

i wipe my tears, commenting before turning my phone off. y/n looks up, rubbing her eyes and looking at me, "are you crying? why're you crying?" "i just read your birthday post for me," i say, "i love you." "i love you," y/n says, sighing and hugging me.

y/n sits beside me as i look at my plate of pancakes. "do you want yoghurt?" i ask. "i ran out," y/n says. "oh, i can get some for you now," i say. "no, no. don't worry. just eat, liv," y/n says, looking at me. "are you sure?" "yeah," y/n says.

y/n sits on her phone as i finish my pancakes. "alright, i'm gonna go to the grocery store," i tell y/n, standing up. "do you wanna come?" i ask her. "um... yeah," y/n says, "okay."

i drive to the grocery store, y/n looking out the window as music plays. she mutes the radio, and i look at her. "sorry," she looks at me too, "just got a headache." "that's okay," i smile.

i push the shopping cart with both hands, taking milk and placing it in the cart. i go to put my hand back on the bar, but y/n holds it. i look at her, "y/n, i can't push the cart with one hand. i wish i could, though." "good thing i have an extra hand," she cracks a smile, placing her free hand on the cart. we push it, stopping at the yoghurt. "okay... what type of yoghurt, my love?" olivia asks. i walk over to it, picking up a mango one. i rotate it to the back, looking for the table of ingredients. "hey," olivia says, covering it, "don't worry about that." "but-" "y/n," olivia cuts me off, "please." "okay," i sigh, placing it in the cart. 

i start to drive home. "so... what have you eaten when i've been gone?" i ask. "um," y/n says, "don't be mad." "i don't get mad at you, y/n," i say, "or disappointed. i promise." "i tried to have a full meal, but i vomited before i could even finish half. so i've just been having yoghurt, but i ran out, so, like, a cup of milk," y/n says, "i'm sorry." "don't be," i say, "it's okay, y/n. i promise." "but i'm back to square one," y/n says, "it took me months to get to where i was." "that's okay. we'll get you back up there. together," i say, placing my hand in front of y/n. she takes my hand in hers, kissing my hand before placing it on her lap.

y/n lays on the couch, and i walk over to her. "hungry?" i ask. she shakes her head, closing her eyes. i kneel beside her on the floor, "i'm sorry i left you." "it's okay," y/n whispers, "it's not your fault.""i'm here now, okay?" i say, "always." "i know," y/n says. "so what i'm gonna do," i say, tucking her hair behind her ear, "is run a bath for you." "are you gonna be busy after?" y/n asks. "no," i say, "want me to join you?" y/n smiles, "yeah, i'd love that."

i smile too, pressing a kiss on y/n's cheek.

i place bubbles on y/n's hair as she lays on top of me. i blow them off, scooping more. "olivia?" y/n asks. "i'm here," i say. "i'm sorry you had to cancel the studio," y/n apologizes. "don't be," i say, "that's the least of my worries. dan's working there with conan." "sorry," she whispers. "don't be, y/n," i lightly chuckle. 

after a few minutes, i ask, "how are you?" "not... the best," y/n says, "what about you?" "i'm okay," i answer, "i love you."

i take out the yoghurt container, taking the sharpie lid off. i scribble the sharpie onto the ingredients table, getting yoghurt for y/n after.

i watch y/n stir her yoghurt, and i laugh, flinching as a speck gets on my cheek. y/n chuckles, looking at me, "i'm so sorry!" "it's okay," i laugh, scrunching my face as y/n licks my cheek.

i scroll on tiktok as y/n eats her yoghurt slowly. "i'm gonna feel sick if i take another spoonful," y/n tells me. i look at her bowl, seeing it was half empty. "that's okay," i say, standing up. "i'm gonna wrap it up, okay?" "i can do it," y/n says, standing up. i quickly grab her bowl, running away, "too late!" 

y/n sits beside me as i place the piano, looking at my hands as i do so. she lays her head on my shoulder, and i smile, looking at her, before looking at the piano. "olivia?" y/n calls out. "yeah?" i ask. "i'm sorry if it seems like i don't love you enough," y/n says, "or, like, i'm not trying in the relationship, because i am." "i know, my love," i say. "just please don't think that i don't love you. because i love you, so much." i take my hands off the piano, wrapping them around y/n, "i know. i love you so much. i'm here for you, and i'm gonna help you as best as i can." "thank you," y/n whispers.